Magic America

I'm so happy now. My room has room (finally) with this new set-up I just bought; I've finally figured out how to turn off the annoying power on/off noise on my phone; I've gone somewhere; and everything is A-OK.

While in Winnipeg last week, I went into a Costco for the first time. My god, it's like that mega mart from The Simpsons, only real. It's an ugly-as-fuck warehouse with little to no organization at all - in essence, a chaotic mess of oversized products. Some of the prices on these huge-ass things are okay, but even when confronted with the best deal, you must consider that you have to pay AT LEAST $40 a year in order to shop there, which is just fucking weird (the different levels of membership even have different store hours. It's like we're living in India). The store I went to even had a little restaurant/stand thing, which served everything and did not require a membership to go to (it's basically its own entity).
The thing isn't as frightening as a Super Wal-Mart, but there's definitely something ugly about it. Unless you really need to have 20+ packs of toilet paper, 32-pack drinks, child-sized bags of chips, or any of the other pointless things...I don't see any real need to shop there. And like hell would I buy a computer or iPod at a horrible warehouse store.

CONSUMERISM TODAY.

Already Dead

It wasn't that long ago that I was complaining that there was no one to talk to online about TMNT: Smash Up. Now that I've seen both major communities devoted to the game, I want to go back to being alone. This is how my standards work.

I can't sleep because it's too hot in here. I have two fans on and a window cracked open and I'm still too hot. This is the downside of summer.

The upside of summer: I'm not too cold.

Just now I'm reading the comments to this, and it got me a-thinkin', about the omnipresent concept of 'dumb fun'.

Dumb fun does, in fact, exist, and it is completely alright. The problem, especially today (and especially considering the material discussed in the post, IE modern superhero comic events), is that they're almost uniformly all dumb and no fun. Postmodern audience awareness has made it so that silliness is now a detriment, and unfortunately that also has a negative effect on creativity. Plus, everyone now thinks they're a genius, and especially in the case of mainstream superhero comics, they are serious writers writing serious literature, even if that serious literature involves zombie Green Lanterns.
So, really, dumb fun is dead, or at least in hiding. In its place is dumb plodding self-aggrandizing tedium.

That's Not Me

A narcissistic aside: My message board alter ego is mentioned on this lovely 1UP.com podcast featuring lovely 1UP people (that's 6/22/2009), at about 25 minutes in (but you can wait while the good folks talk about other things, surely?). The ribbing I got I will take like a man.

So, with death in the news recently, I really must ask: when it comes to well-known people biting it, which was a better: this month, or this time last year?

June 2009 leads in sheer volume: David Carradine kills himself while jerking off to start off the summer, and then Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and now Billy Mays (why is he mentioned alongside everyone else? Fuck if I know) all expire within days of each other. There really is no competition here.

But what about in quality? This designation is a bit more contentious. June 2008 had the deaths of three giants: Bo Diddley, George Carlin, and Stan Winston (he is a major figure for nerds, you see). The major ones, BD and Carlin, I'd say at least come close to equaling the entirety of this month's stiffs, they being examples of superior human beings. Sure, a lot more people are probably sad to see Jackson or McMahon go (and not to diminish the work of either, although Jackson was far far far far far far past his prime), but my personal bias (and objective fact) say that last year's stiffs can edge 'em out. Note: Billy Mays is a non-factor.

How about the shock factor? This also gives the edge to this month, because the thing about last year was that, while losing those people was incredibly sad, they were all old, and its not like we don't think anyone past 70 isn't as good as dead (Winston is the exception). So, while McMahon falls under this, the rest of them were still unexpected. Bonus points for Carradine's bizarre wanking death in Bangkok, of all places.

My decision? Well, most of the facts point to this month being the better of the two months worth of deaths, but my own personal opinions still point me in favour of last year. Surely, that is what will determine it for most people. Who can stay objective in a field such as this?

Nobody's Fault But My Own

Here's something that's been nagging at me: Am I mean online for no reason?

Just as a preface, I can tell you straight away that my online 'voice' is not really much like my real 'voice'. Shocking, I know. As far as I can tell, my voice is based on my main sources of reading, which is very acerbic and opinionated, as well as prone to non sequiturs. While the non sequitur part is recognizably me, I can say that the rest only exists within my everyday speech as vague attempts, which I am prone to stumble over (much like everything else). Since online writing gives me more time to think over my words, it ends up sounding a lot cleaner than IRL.

In conclusion, I am a lot more caustic online than I am in real life. Is this the dreaded anonymity protection concept, where I feel free to be an asshole because it lacks real consequences? It is a definite possibility, I must say. Then again, I don't think I've ever had a real forum where I could speak of the same things - but, that could be because I just avoid them, out of fear. I try to assert myself when the opportunity pops up, but I'm still not sure its on the same level as I do in an online discussion. So I am not discounting that solution, it being one of the obvious ones. But there's got to be something more to it, surely? I still have some level of caution that makes it so even the great anonymity shield isn't enough to make me feel safe to express myself all of tume. So what other reasons could there be?

It could be that I am raging against the world I see, whether or not an it's appropriate setting for that rage. I know a lot of people say they think everything kinda sucks now, but I have come to observe many things that do really infuriate me on some level, to the point that even mild cases get me riled up. So I might be mean because I am just SO FUCKING MAD. But really, I don't think I am, at least not all the time. I mean, when it comes to certain issues (for example, my hatred of rampant proud ignorance that is, like fear-free posting, a trademark of online discussion) it really gets me in righteous fury mode, but in the smaller cases, is it really justified? Am I just making up an issue so I can get mad about it? I'd say that's a possibility, too.

At this point, I can say that I have answered my initial question. I am not mean online for no reason: I am mean online (possibly) because (a)I read a lot of things that are mean online and emulate them, (b)I feel free to be mean online because wheeeee nothing is gonna stop me, and (c)I have things that get me mad, and I sometimes carry that sense of anger into all sorts of conversations. Well, that's the one side of the 'why'; the psychological half. But what about the practical half? Is there really any reason for me to be mean online? What does it get me?

A lot of my reads grapple with this question as well. After all, as the tired cliche goes, you catch more dopes with free food than a punch in the face. But do I really want to 'catch' them? Do I really go out to convert a ton of people to my 'side'? I think that's the crux of the practicality argument, and this is where I really disagree with it.

A lot of people think that you're never going to educate anyone by being snarky. But is that really true? For one, addressing an issue on a more emotional level can grab attention, and I'd say that's a pretty essential step in a persuasive argument. That's huckstering tactics used often by the lowest of the low, I know, but I can't say it doesn't work. Second, going for an emotional response has a greater chance of getting the audience to know the issue at hand, which is ALSO an important part of a persuasive argument. It doesn't matter if they like me, or what my take is, but if they get the IDEA, that's a good thing, and even better if (even if only for a short while) I get the person to really take that idea and think about what it means. To paraphrase Alan Moore (to a considerable degree): I don't care if they agree with me, as long as they think about what I say.

But, one may ask, wouldn't the anger bit get in the way of that goal? If someone just sees you as a ranting, opinionated jackass, won't they just ignore what you have to say completely? Yes, more than likely, that will happen. Just look at PETA, who are so completely out there that any legitimate issues they may have (and they do have some) are completely smothered by provocation. On the other hand, going completely neutral on a subject likely won't get you anywhere as well, as people will just gloss over the entire thing like a weather report. It's a difficult task figuring out what level of ferocity is needed to attract attention without making you the spectacle rather than the issue.

On a more personal note, I don't like the argument because I don't think I should water down who I am and what I believe just so I can be appealing. I mean, we're all bound to do that, as it comes naturally, I think. But, especially when dealing with something very important to me, asking me to not actually share my opinions just feels wrong. I am intelligent enough to know when to apply temperance, and I am completely willing to use trial-and-error to figure out how to do this right, so don't be telling ME what's the right way to get MY views across. Not only that, but do you really think I'm less likely to engage an audience by showing how something really makes me feel (and thus allowing them to see what the weight of the topic might be) instead of treating the argument like some hashed-together high school science project, or compromising my view to such a degree that it loses all impact, and goes for the tiny and easier victories over the more difficult and important ones? I know the people who want the mean guys to tone it down often have good intentions, but good intentions don't always lead to good results.

In the end, I am more willing to stay myself and be able to reach a few than I am to compromise and have a vague hope that I've reached more. I want people to know what I think, that I'm not afraid to say what I think, and that I want them to know why I think that way. If that makes me come across as mean, spiteful, ranting, crazy, whatever...so be it. If that causes a few to ignore me completely, so be it (chances are they are just as convinced of their position as I am of mine, so trying to preach to them them is about as worthless as preaching to the choir). I refuse to constantly play nice so that I can possibly score a few more points. It's just not who I am (online...and hopefully offline as well).

One After 909

I'll write something big about videogames when I feel like it.

I am sort of a repeated viewer of the Law & Order series. I remember that, not long ago, I wouldn't miss a single nightly rerun of the original series. And off and on, I will catch parts of the spin-offs. Oh lordy, the spin-offs.

I don't have much to say about Criminal Intent, as I watch it the least of the three, although the main cop (who is essentially a dumber version of Columbo) sticks with me for some reason. SVU is a whole other thing, though. It basically takes the L&O formula and never rests until there are at least a dozen insane plot twists during the hour. It's shit that MUST BE STACKED FOREVER.

The last episode I watched just kept changing directions for no reason whatsoever. First, we got the case, but oh no there's more to it! Than there's even more to it! Than this plot line comes in out of nowhere! And look, just to end it off, we got one more surprise! Combined with the generally preachy and hysterical nature of the 'ripped from the headline' approach generally gives it, and we got a show that is hilariously dumb, but never really boring, despite following formula to a T. And if that wasn't enough, we also have Ice-T getting in witty one-liners, when he's not going insane.

Consider this another guilty pleasure.

H

A thought occurred to me not that long ago:

Back during they heyday of The Simpsons, there were a number of different writers and show runners with their own distinct styles that nerds who watch the show enough (or listen to the DVD commentary) can be able to pick out. Soon enough, you'll be able to figure what was Oakley/Weinstein episode, what was a Mirkin episode, etc. So, during that period, there were talented people who had an impact on the show.

So, here is my query: What is stopping a group of talented writers and directors from coming onto the show now and making it good again? Given that the people who grew up on the show, now my age or older, could now be entering the creative industry, possibly as TV writers. If the show refuses to go down in the future, is it not possible that new recruits to bring the show back up again?

Now, considering that, I must remember there are some other factors to consider:

1)What is the creative environment on the show like today? I wouldn't necessarily think that the show is under more corporate scrutiny now than ever before. The execs have given the show a lot of creative space, and they probably recognize that any sort of exercise in control would hurt their image in the eyes of the audience. Even so, there's still the possibility that the show, which is now considered a staple (ubiquitous, even), may have a different atmosphere for the writers than it did during the earlier seasons.

2)Who are the creators on the show now? I honestly don't know, since I stopped watching. When did they come one? How long have they've been on? Where did they come from? The answers to these questions would likely have an impact on new writers coming onto the show.

3)Is it possible that the show has simply run out of possibilities? That there are no more stories to tell with these characters, this setting? That seems to be a very possible thing, too. As I said, I don't watch the show anymore, but any glimpse I get of it seem, for the most part to be spinning its wheels. Oh look, more marital problems for Homer and Marge! Bart/Lisa finds another possible love interest! I also notice a growing number of fantasy episodes, which in a show like The Simpsons really should be kept at a minimum. All this seems to suggest that there's really nothing left for the show to say, although it could also just be that we have a bunch of hacks in the monkey house.

4)Do any of these creative types even really want to work on The Simpsons, rather than go off on their own? This is an issue that is common for people who want to break into the comics world as well. Especially when you're a big fan, writing your favourite characters would be a dream come true, whether it's Homer Simpson or Spider-Man. But even if you are a big fan of some property, you could still be incredibly savvy about what working on that property would entail. I would think just as many Simpsons fans (myself included) would rather go off and create their own thing using the inspiration they got from the show. This is not a bad thing. It is likely that most of the good comedy we see today and will see in the future comes from people who grew up on The Simpsons (although I won't discount that the major creative figures from the show, Greg Daniels and Oakley/Weinstein for example, have also become diffused among these shows as well).

It was just a thought, though. I thought that would probably have been more relevant three years ago, as by now everyone just wants Fox to let the show finally die with whatever dignity it has left. But that's unlikely to happen any time soon.

An Unknown Substance Called...the mass

First things first, and then there were none.
Vs. System provided me many hours of Internet fun, and I applaud it for that. There may never again be something where Superman and Howard the Duck can stand side by side and both be effective Parademon deterrents.
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But enough with the weepy stuff, now onto the strange.

Reading this review of some obscure cartoon whose existence means nothing to anyone, I came across the following passage, which interested me:

"Some things, apparently, resist anthropomorphization and as a result can be neither understood nor managed; I cannot, for the life of me, attribute any distinctly human characteristics to the people who made The Adventures of the American Rabbit. Any human being, no matter how mentally incapacitated, would be cognitively developed enough (by the very fact of their humanity) to never produce a film like this. Perhaps it is the work of amoebas."

Now, I think this a lot actually, when I see movies or TV shows of a certain kind (kids stuff, mainly). What I see, I just cannot imagine a human being, an actual modern, normal person, creating it. Most of the time, I don't even care, and thus the questions do not arise. But when I do, its...jarring, to say the least. Who made this? How did they make this? What possessed them to make it? It'd be far more comforting if the things were a product of robots, like Archie comics are.

A BLACK DAY

The new Reese's Chocolate Bar, apparently limited edition, is out.

It is great. Huge, and with right kind of soft chocolate that creates the all-so desirable Reese's cup taste. Highly recommended before they disappear...without a trace!

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As you may have heard, The Dark Knight was not nominated for the Best Picture academy award, and Chris Nolan was not nominated Best Director. Frankly, I find this hilarious.

Now, I don't hate the movie (actually, I haven't seen it yet), nor have anything against the director, the writers, the actors, or any of the crew involved with its production. That's not the point. The point is: anything that makes nerds on the Internet outraged is inherently funny to me, so I actively support whatever measures screw with them.

Generally, nerds ignore the Oscars, because think they are stupid and pointless and don't actually reward quality films (they'd be right most of the time). But the time for scoffing at the awards ended when a Batman movie suddenly became critically acclaimed and a box office dynamo. When The Dark Knight became a contender, the nerds decided they needed to push it as much as possible; finally, one of "their" movies could be a winner, and thus them by association!

That's really all it is: geeks want to see their worthless lives validated by having an adaptation of a nerdy property win it big. It has nothing to do with film quality. Its all about them and their narrow minded obsessions.

So they decided to began to campaign. Up to the final nominee announcements, it really was up in the air whether or not the film would be nominated. It has that nerd factor against it, but on the other hand lots of people liked it, it made lots of money (its funny they keep bringing that up, because nominating movies because they made a lot of money is usually an argument for why the nominations suck), and one of its stars died which is so sad. I threw it in as a possible wild card, but wasn't really expecting it.

Then came the announcement, and while Ledger got a supporting actor nod (which he is guaranteed to win because he is dead and oh is it sad), but nothing else. The nerds RAAAGED. Raged as much rage as rage could rage. The academy suddenly became biased and stupid and THEY WILL REGRET THIS and blah blee blee bloo blah. This really isn't any different from any other Oscar season, but dammit they insulted the nerds DIRECTLY and they can't stand it.

Looking at the nomination list for best picture, only about half the movies really deserved it. While Slumdog Millionaire and Frost/Nixon were obvious and deserved (the former is gonna take it, BTW), Milk, Benjamin Button, and The Reader have been met with mixed critical opinions. Button is sort of a sad case because the one film that its great director has made with a nomination is one of his lowlier ones. And the latter movie was nominated possibly because two of its directors died, possibly. Not exactly an excellent award plate, but its standard procedure at this point.

One thing, though: I don't see many people whining about The Wrestler being left off, despite acclaim. I guess if it starred a man in a bat costume, it'd get more people behind it. Oh well.

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Dear God, the number of people whining "I want a new beat 'em up instead" or "I want them to re release Turtles in Time instead" when talking about the new TMNT fighting game is fucking grating. Do they just acquire one mindset about every franchise and are completely unable to exit it? I like the Turtle beat 'em ups, too, but I like the promise of a new good fighting game even more.

Gawwwwwwwwwd.

2008: GRRRRR

Well, you waited long enough. So here you go, the 10 things that were not so good in 2008. PREPARE FOR ANGRY.

Resident Evil 5 Controversy

All it took was one column...one column making the observation of "Hey, this game has a snow-white asshole going around gunning down poor black people. Think about it"...to send the nerds of the Internet into a uncontrollable explosion of rage and casual racism. Albeit, the same column's claim that "obviously no black people worked on this game" is a bit duh, because it's Japanese (which is really the explanation for the whole thing, as they Japanese still don't really 'get it'), but it doesn't excuse the pure, unbridled stupidity on display from many people in reaction. It only went to prove two of my own observations: that gamers can't take any criticism of their hobby, and that most nerds are kind of racist.
Later on, we get extra fun from this subject, with the game's developers unintentionally including a horrible AIDs metaphor, and the inclusion of an African sidekick, who as Yahtzee points out actually looks less black and more 'dipped in tea'.
The game? Oh yeah, it'll probably be good.

AICN

I've been avoiding this site for a while now, but I was unfortunately exposed to quite a few bits of it in 2008, and ohhh boy they were doozies. We began with that horrific man-mountain Harry Knowles getting an exclusive review of Cloverfield, giving us the expected hyperbolic statements of quality we expect from him. The movie itself, as we found out, was exceedingly mediocre to passable. In the summer, Harry followed up by blowing a gasket about the rumors of Will Smith playing Captain America (which would be kind of cool), and was relieved when it was confirmed that it was not the case, as if nuclear holocaust had been averted (more proof of my stated belief above).
Of course, those are the main two I say, and I made sure never to look back ever again after that. I'm sure if you took a few more peaks, you'd find lesser or equal stupidity on the part of Knowles and his nerdy men.

Videogame Websites

No, not all of them. I just needed something general to describe my two main targets: Kotaku and IGN.
Kotaku should be a good tool for getting all your game news in one place, but to find it you have to wade through a ton of personal crap, including that aggravating loser whose only purpose is to be 'the guy who lives in Japan', which I'm sure is the wet dream of the site's readership. Speaking of the readership, shit like this, this, this, and this are even worse when you read some of the comments. I mean, it's just really horrible.
IGN is quickly becoming the AICN of the videogame world (even more than Kotaku), and I'm getting that vibe strictly from the Nintendo half, where every week is Matt C. has a fanboy spasm and still thinks we believe he has 'insider info' about a new Kid Icarus which has apparently been scheduled to be revealed at every trade show for the past 500 years or so. The site's review for Super Smash Bros. Brawl annoyed me with just a few lines whining about third party character inclusions (the dumb character selection complaining may be as bad as any hysterical tantrums thrown by hardcore tourney players not getting the exact game they wanted). They also whined about the original enemies in the Adventure mode, too, but to be fair, so did the cast of the 1Up Show. The 9.9 handjob for MGS4 a few months later was only the icing on the stupid cake that is IGN.

Prop 8

And even with the election hyping a new direction in the course of American politics, a largely pro-democrat state also happens to take away the rights of many of its citizens for no reason other than bigotry. When CALIFORNIA decides it doesn't like gay people more than Massachusetts, a state that is well-known almost exclusively for witch burnings, you know there's a problem.

Franchise Revivals

Both Indiana Jones and the X-Files tried to make a comeback in 2008, both decrepit, dancing for quarters from the audience; it was sad. At least the former has a reasonable enough explanation for its failure: George Lucas can ruin anything within in his general vicinity. But the new X-Files movie? It seems that the creative staff decided that the best possible way to bring it back was to eschew the conspiracy storyline (which was a good idea) and instead make about some gay lovers making a transsexual Frankenstein monster and the Priest who helps track them down with his molestation-based telepathy (not a good idea). Maybe they were infected with George Lucas?
On a lesser scale, but still in the same vein: it really is disheartening to hear about the diminishing returns of the Futurama movies. It was a brilliant series, and Bender's Big Score was decent fun...so what the hell happened? There have been a few logical ideas of why the movies dipped, it's still so very very sad. I can only hope for a miracle to save Wild Green Yonder from the same fate.

Twilight

I first encountered the Twilight books back in August, and was so disgusted by the premise of Breaking Dawn that I instantly grew to loathe everything related to it and ridicule it whenever possible. Then I found out about the movie. Then my mom started reading the books. It's been a nonstop torrent of this fan fiction-level vampire melodrama since then.

Canadian Politics

First, the Conservatives spend the first half of the year introducing many many bad laws. Then in the fall, suddenly there's an election! Everything was destined to stay the same, because the Liberals spent their time as opposition picking their noses and being scared by their own shadows (but at the same time, most of the country won't give majority power to a friend of Bush). Some amusing things happened, but overall it was standard.
Then came the Coalition incident, and now it was time for massive spin-doctoring as I've never seen up here. The fact that the people BOUGHT a lot of the bullshit fed to them reveals that the Canadian populace doesn't know their own political system as well as I thought. Hey, we can be idiots, too!

Awesome People Dying

George Carlin? Dead. Bo Diddley? Dead. Isaac Hayes? Dead. Stan Winston? Dead. Steve Gerber? Deceased. David Foster Wallace? Pushing daisies. Sho'Nuff? Oh, you better believe he's dead.

Seriously, that is awful. So many good people, artists and entertainers, no longer able to give us stuff. It is inevitable, but it still stings.

Slurpees

This may have only been in the latter months of 2008, but the closest 7-11 to me (the one I can walk to) has been going through a terrible period where there Pepsi slurpees tasted dreadful, and then they took the only viable option, Dr. Pepper, away. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that the Pepsi slurpees became decent again, but Dr. Pepper is still on hiatus. How am I going to continue killing myself with sugar when shit like this happens?

Republicans

Holy, did the voter crowds become downright INSANE in the latter days before the election. Apparently, the protected-from-witches Republican VP did indeed energize the base...unfortunately, the base was an angry, paranoid mob. And I don't know whether to feel sorry or despise John McCain, who would try to rise above his eventual pool of support and then pander to it. This whole thing was very sad and infuriating, but I'll leave the real details for the big boy blogs, if you decide to seek them out.

I mean, I spent most of this list making fun of game nerds.

The 30 things about 2008

I know people like shit like this, so I decided to do this too. Not only that, it feels good to get this stuff all out in the open before year's end.

Eight Things I Liked in 2008

Crossover Fighting Games

My waiting for Smash Bros. Brawl finally came to end this year, and lo I was happy. The last month of speculation was both fun and frustrating (with dumbasses wailing about the things they wanted but didn't get), but very memorable in any case.
And when the days of Smash Bros. excitement had ceased, I was given another thing to get giddy about: a new Capcom VS. game! Tatsunoko vs Capcom kept me busy for the rest of the year, and I loved every minute of it. Thank you Nintendo and Capcom for your gifts to me!

Old Albums

I barely bought any new CDs this year...just the new Beck, Brian Wilson, and Sloan albums (I liked all three of them). However, I totally made up for it by buying and downloading a ton of older albums. Lots and lots of Bowie, some Beck, Pet Sounds...and others. It's been a good year for discovering music that I missed. I just recently added Ween's The Mollusk to that list, and it yet another excellent album. Thank you, learning how to use torrents properly!

Webcomics

Some people hate webcomics. I hate the bad ones (most of which can be seen skewered here), but found quite a few great ones this year. The major ones: This one and this one. Oh c'mon, I'm not going to tell you what they are...go read 'em, ya lazy jerk! I guarantee a million laughs, or your money back. And since I get paid nothing for this, you would get nothing back! Hahahahahahaha!

Ordering Online

Man, now that I can do this, I can get so many things. I bought comics I had only dreamed about! I imported a videogame all the way from Hong Kong! It's so fun and requires very little effort on my part.

Venture Bros.

My favourite show on TV. No other cartoon, and maybe even not-cartoon, has been able to combine loving geek references, great dialogue, and intricate storytelling like this one. Season 3 wasn't as strong as season 2, but it still had many brilliant moments throughout: the return of Henry Killinger, the Victorian superteam with Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde fighting Nichola Tezla in a blimp, the whole creepy climax in the Dr. Qym episode, pretty much everything to do with Sergeant Hatred, and the final two episodes with their awesome, bombastic action sequences.
I can't believe I have wait another year for another season. Le sigh.

Final Fantasy on XBox

Not that I actually care about FF anymore, but the E3 announcement of Numero 13 being on the 360 and the fanboy explosion was easily one of the funniest things ever. If only Metal Gear ended up on XBox instead of the fucking iPhone, oh the laughs we could have had!

Companies Remaking Games I Like

They remade two of my favourite games ever, Chrono Trigger and Kirby Super Star, for the DS. So now they can be the favourite games of everyone who didn't get to play them on the SNES....OR ELSE. Me? I didn't buy them. I have the originals, I don't need to waste money on that.

Downloadable Games

Lots of video game stuff this year! With games like Braid and Castle Crashers, and now Street Fighter II Remix, downloadable games have been getting a lot of publicity recently. And really, it's a good thing: a lot of games that would have never got off the ground are getting a better chance, and some genres long since extinct (like my beloved beat 'em ups) have the chance to be revived without people complaining about prices for arcade-type games. Plus, it means for simple to get into fun for us all. I am looking forward to the new age of the downloadable games!

Well, this is what I feel like doing today. Sometime soon..HATRED!

RELIEF

At first I thought all this school shit was going to pile up and destroy me, but I feel I am on my way to conquering it. Hopefully it doesn't get nukes along the way.

What was released this week, videogame-wise? Why, Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe of course! Exciting.

As you may or may not know, I disdain all things MK. It's a series that has gone on for way too long, and has been consistently mediocre. Of course, I haven't played an iteration in the series since the fourth, so I am relying entirely on past experience and the word of others. But why should I play games I have no interest in? Plus, it's not like any of the lame conceptual things are getting any less lame.

MK vs. DC has a number of problems on its own without the added burden of being MK. The brand crossing is nonsensical, jarring even. It reeks of latching onto he coattails of better projects...better projects, I might add, that came out a decade ago. It's the last act of a desperate franchise.

I could mention that the game seems toned down in violence from previous MKs, disappointing the series' fanbase of drooling idiots, but I don't give a fuck.

But upon watching all the game's fatalities/"Heroic Brutalities" on Youtube (aw the modern wonders, allowing me to get the most enjoyable part of the game without having to spend any money on it), most of my preconceived notions seemed to be correct.

Another thing I noticed: what the hell is Captain Marvel doing there? I know DC wants him to be a banner character for them now, but jumping jack Jesus, he's so conceptually distant from the MK aesthetic, it's just plain bizarre. I mean, he is very much a character designed for children, even more so than any other DC character.

Also, while I for one love seeing Darkseid in a "real" fighting game (none of this JLA Task Force shit), it's too bad it's one I'll never play.


Speaking of comic book stuff...Watchmen trailer!

It's hard to pinpoint what I don't like about the new trailer. I don't even think I noticed Rorschach referring to the group as 'Watchmen' like others have. But it felt off. When the characters were speaking long strings of dialogue, it hurt my expectations. I, along with others, was growing more optimistic about the project. And while I'm not giving up on it yet, the newest previews leave me cold, definitely.

My biggest worries for this project is that it'll end up as being a lifeless recreation with details changed around (which isn't that big a problem, for the most part), completely lobotomizing the story. Some may say it's because Zack Snyder is a hack director who does the material for money. In my view, if the movie turns out this way, it won't be because Snyder is a hack, but rather that Snyder is a fanboy of the material, but for all the wrong reasons.

I mean, the reason Watchmen is partially responsible for destroying the mainstream comics scene is that fans that later became writers glommed onto the gritter elements but weren't smart enough to understand the themes.

But back to the movie, part of my fear comes from the absolutely ill-conceived Watchmen videogame.

Since I don't read EGM anymore, I didn't get the story on that. But from the excerpts and descriptions, it sounds like an abomination. Essentially taking the characters and putting them in a generic action game (complete with such horrific buzz concepts as finishing moves and a RAGE METER) under the guise of UNTOLD BACKSTORY! that no one wanted or needed.

Of course the game stars Rorschach. Aside from being the more violent/action-oriented character in the book, he's the one character who is misunderstood and will probably still be misunderstood by audiences (both the original readers and the ones brought in by the movie). They think he's a hardcore badass. He is really the representative of the logical extreme of vigilantism in superhero comics, turning into a simple-minded, Objectivist asshole. That's why he's a great character, but it's terrifying to see how some people would 'look up' to that.

The most unnerving part of the game, however, is that Snyder is right alongside the developers cheering them on. He apparently describes getting all hot and nerd bothered by seeing this stuff on screen. I'm sorry, but Watchmen really isn't something you can geek out to. Unless of course, you're one of the ones who loves it for all the wrong reasons.

Let us pray.

The Something of Boris

The new James Bond movie is good, but did very little that bedazzled me. The initial two chase sequences have so much shaky cam I could barely tell what was going on, although that seemed to have fixed itself by the end.

It also suffers from feeling like a bridge film, tying the loose ends from Casino Royale and setting up this century's SPECTRE for future films. Fans of the last film may be happy to see the former, but it still makes it difficult for the film to feel standalone.

Deaths in this movie are convoluted. "We'll shoot him, and then fill him with oil!" "No, we shall fill him oil, and then shoot him!" "Maybe we should just shoot him." "SHUT UP!"

Also includes blatant Goldfinger reference!

M

The mirror universe version of the movie I saw on Friday, W.

It is pretty much a straight biopic, with little in the way of mockery or even general comedy. So this isn't the weird speculatory or satirical Oliver Stone film some may have expected. There's some political theories in there, like Cheney being imperial and also the true puppet master, Karl Rove (I think that was Rove) as some sort of shadowy goblin, and emphasis on all the folks who are pretty much spineless idiots in their support of the war. Nothing too inciteful or new.
Stone's lone real contribution in the understanding of this presidency is that Bush Jr. just wants some real respect from his dad. This is probably the best part of the movie, as both Jr. and Sr. are incredibly well-acted and developed really well.
I would never call it a great film, as it spends a little too much time on the staight and narrow and has some strangely underdeveloped or cartoon-like characters (Colin Powell is entertaining, but his entire role in the film is pretty much "wet blanket to appeaser", Condaleeza Rice has a stupidly nasally voice, Larua Bush is pretty much robo-wife [not that unrealistic], and Barb Bush seems to come and go). But the best parts of the movie are touching, even if they are probably exaggerating the sympathy the people deserve in real life.

See, I can make good posts, too.

(8^^)

Chirp Chirp.

Stupid important things in life preventing me from updating dis sheeit.

Finished Godland. It is good. Funny, thoroughly Kirby-inspired art, and moves at a good pace so you never get bored. I await future books.

Important stuff is entering my free thought space, and it's making me go crazy! Oh well, most of my responsibilities are on vacation for another day or so, so I'm good for a while now.

Reading Howard's End for school. It straddles the line between the upper-class snooty British novels that people often make fun of and the more cynical, mean-spirited British novels that I've become a fan and style-thief of (Adams). So in that way I wouldn't call it a favorite of mine, but it is interesting at points, especially when the narrator suddenly becomes a real person. A real person who not only knows what every character does and thinks, but also buys fruit. That's a bit nuts.

#>#

It's supposed to be a mosquito. Or something. It actually kind of reminds me of Poindexter from the Felix the Cat cartoons.

So yes, week of school and trying to get newspaper stuff together. Almost had a freakout from all the shit, but I pulled meself together and have it pretty much all figured out.

The first book of the year is Joseph Conrad's The Secret Agent, about a bunch of unlikable weirdos in the anarchist movement. Of course there's more to it than that, but that's all you're getting. Naaaaah!

Finally saw The Big Lebowski. It is indeed an inventive comedy. I can see why everyone likes it so much, but I respect it more than absolutely adore it.

My friend inspired me to go on a Bowie kick with him. I've thus listened to Aladdin Sane and "Heroes", and am currently downloading a complete version of Ziggy Stardust (I was missing some of the songs and just wanted the best quality I could get) and Lodger. This is the best bender I've ever had, I think. Who needs new albums!

I ordered three books from Amazon (the first time I've done it), and it was in fact very cheap and arrived quickly. I know they will be receiving my business the next time I want to get something semi-obscure (and maybe some things that are obscure, but in a town where even the slightest hint of obscurity gets you not carried anywhere, the order of obscurity in the things I get is of no consequence). I will read my shiny new Godland and Scud books once order has been restored to the force.

$_$

Statements with truth added into them, #1:

"Why does anyone listen to X critics anymore, they don't have the same opinions as me, so obviously they're wrong."

Yes I heard it on a message board.

+8B

Playing Jump Ultimate Stars has of course made me curious to see what some of these comics are all about. I've read some of the translated stuff in the American mag, but that was years ago and it still doesn't seem to have covered everything.

Now, I generally don't care much about Japanese comics. I'm sure there's great stuff out there, but I just haven't found it. Most of the ones you get bombarded with, namely because of showings of the animation adaptations, are comics for adolescent boys (that still seem to find fans that are technically adults, but I digress). Not to say they are terrible as boy's comics; they serve their purpose well enough, and I can't expect that crowd to instantly go for the same surrealist masterpieces I do. Even so, technically 2000 AD was also an adolescent boy's comic, and the stuff it had just seem to be more interesting. But that's being unfair, too. I mean, it's not Shonen Jump's fault it didn't have Alan Moore and Grant Morrison and fucking Judge Dredd.

So, during my searches for information on the series in the game I didn't know much about, I didn't find anything that equals, say, Nemesis the Warlock, but they are bit more interesting (or fun) than I would have thought. The two main ones were Majin Tantei Nogami Neuro and Pyu to Fuku! Jaguar.

Neuro is about a demon that literally eats mysteries, which by itself is a pretty cool concept. He has gotten his fill in Hell, so he decides to go to Earth and look for more mysteries to chow down on. He ends up manipulating a teenage girl into becoming a detective and finding mysteries for him. It sort of reminds me of the idea of someone going out and causing the crimes he then solves (which, as it turns out, was basically the idea for a British comic called The Bogie Man, created by some 2000 AD alumni, and also having the idea that the main characters thinks he is some sort of composite of every character every played by Humphrey Bogart). I probably wouldn't read it if I saw it in a bookstore, because the whole anime thing, but I like the foundation.

Jaguar is a comedy, about a man named Jaguar, who plays the recorder (AKA the worst instrument to ever exist). However, he is so good with the recorder, he can make it sound like any instrument he wants. As it turns out, he was part of a experiment to create a band so good that it will bring about world peace. By itself the concept is strange, but I connected to it in a way because I, like most gradeschoolers, have experienced playing the recorder and hearing recorder music, which thankfully will never pop up again as long as you exist. It's a connection thing, I guess. I find recorder humor amusing, because I was there once.

Those are the only two standouts I can think of right now. There was that one where aliens took over edo-period Japan and wacky stuff happens. And there's Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, which I have read a tiny bit, is utter nonsense, but I find absolutely hilarious. But the point I've established is the Jump line up contains some comics whose concept amuse me, and it's not all super powered freaks throwing lasers at each other. But that's the majority of it. Damn Akira Toriyama.

Speaking of comics, I may order some Godland trades and the big Scud: The Disposable Assassin collection. I have good things about both, and I'm looking for a new fix that isn't reading the second volume of Transmetropolitan, which I bought months ago and should read and then move onto the rest of them.

(++++)

That's Donkey Kong teeth, for your information.

Last night there was a conflict of some sort outside my house. It was more inconvenient than scary. But apparently, someone was stabbed, to death. Funny I didn't hear about that until now.

Much more distressing were the various Gumby cartoons my friend and I just watched. Those things must have been made by...aliens or something. How can English-speaking people have such a poor grasp of...English? Who thought of these plots? Who thought an episode where Gumby and friends almost get robbed in an elevator but a trench coat-clad freak and his horrific hell dog was sane? Plus, they used the one thing my entire peer circle has despised for years...characters being revived by the tears of others! Gaaaaaaaah.

Just go look it up and view the horror.

[=

Saw Pineapple Express. It was good. Like many of the recent good comedies, it's the little details that really add up. And the performances. And the utter outlandishness of it all.

OoO

I may have figured out Adobe Premier. It's so weird using a video editing program that isn't terrible.

So, I have seen no movies this summer. And chances are, unless I see them by myself or with people who wanted another go, I won't see the ones already released. Sigh. I guess there's still Stepbrothers and Pineapple Express.

The Winnipeg papers but sometimes be filled with silly things. The columnist, who is old, wrote an article talking about how Canada loses it's "nice guy" image because a member of The Barenaked Ladies was arrested on charges of possessing cocaine. I know the column had a joking tone, but it's still kinda dumb. I mean, someone with cocaine? That would be shocking - in the 50s.

The columnist has been kinda dumb before. He once went on a tangent about how awesome classical music is, and ends up comparing Fiddy Cent to BOB FUCKING DYLAN. His point would make more sense if his one of his main targets was actually considered anything other than shit.

Also, Winnipeg is so desperate for attention, they will literally claim every person, living or dead, real or fictional, is connected to them. A couple years ago, it was Homer Simpson. This week, it's James Bond, because the person who may have been the inspiration for Ian Fleming's books was an orphan in Winnipeg. DON'T YOU SEE, WINNIPEG DESERVES YOUR ADORATION AND TOURISM DOLLARS IGNORE THE SKEETERS THIS IS THE HOME OF BOND, JAMES BOND MUTHERFUCKER.