An Unknown Substance Called...the mass

First things first, and then there were none.
Vs. System provided me many hours of Internet fun, and I applaud it for that. There may never again be something where Superman and Howard the Duck can stand side by side and both be effective Parademon deterrents.
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But enough with the weepy stuff, now onto the strange.

Reading this review of some obscure cartoon whose existence means nothing to anyone, I came across the following passage, which interested me:

"Some things, apparently, resist anthropomorphization and as a result can be neither understood nor managed; I cannot, for the life of me, attribute any distinctly human characteristics to the people who made The Adventures of the American Rabbit. Any human being, no matter how mentally incapacitated, would be cognitively developed enough (by the very fact of their humanity) to never produce a film like this. Perhaps it is the work of amoebas."

Now, I think this a lot actually, when I see movies or TV shows of a certain kind (kids stuff, mainly). What I see, I just cannot imagine a human being, an actual modern, normal person, creating it. Most of the time, I don't even care, and thus the questions do not arise. But when I do, its...jarring, to say the least. Who made this? How did they make this? What possessed them to make it? It'd be far more comforting if the things were a product of robots, like Archie comics are.

Visuals: DC VS. - World's Finest

Later than I expected, but here's the newest batch of DC cards, ready for the lame jokes and references!



Say that name fifteen times fast!



WHY WOULD YOU EVER LIVE IN A PLACE CALLED 'SUICIDE SLUMS'????



I dunno, there's something awfully Fritz Lang about this depiction of Steel. There's something else familar about it, too...





I know I'd feel safe with a hero named Loser protecting my city!



Really. The Newsboy Legion.



The first Sean Connery VS card! (Wiki it)



"Awwwwww, not again!"



Just reminding everyone: The Question is awesome.



I really have to give it to Black Lightning: He does a good job despite being Persona Numero Uno whenever someone brings up bad attempts at African American superheroes (to be fair, they only care about the fact that he is named Black Lightning, and probably know nothing else of the character. To be honest, neither do I.)



BWAAAAAAAAAAAH!



Being both a Douglas Adams and Radiohead fan, this version works on TWO levels!



THE BEAR IS WEARING PANTS!



Each set in Vs seems to trump the last when it comes to LOL card names. Still, it's gonna be hard for the next set to outdo this one (unless they seriously make a card called "Clobberin' Pine").



Yes, do it! DO IT!



I love Bat Mite. And you should too.



No matter what context you look at this card, be from a player or just random passerby, it is silly. It is not just silly, it is the admiral of sillyness.



I found Colonel Kurtz!



How very glam.



I'm pretty sure they have procedures for that sorta of thing...



Must not make banana joke...must not make banana joke...

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!



GRATUITOUS NUDITY!



I'm scared.



If there's one concept that just. Makes. Sense, it is that Superman's ultimate enemy is an evil Sun.

I <3 Grant Morrison.



I think he takes the title of 'Lamest Character To Be Made in Vs'

Just lemme check for contenders...






...nope. He gets it.



This guy is way to rectangular for my tastes.



They usually say "Save the best for last". Screw them. THE BEST IS RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.



Batman is way too sinister in this picture.



Let it sink in.

Well, enough of that for now. It won't be long before I do another one of these, so don't worry.

Visuals: Marvel Team-Up

Wow, I missed a day. No worry, I've got something extra special tonight...Visuals! Featuring your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man! So worth it.



Good sweet God. Not a great way to start the whole thing off...



Now exclusively hunting Blaculas.



The Exorcist would've been much better with a bazooka. Yep.



Hey look! Now I can finally have a Giant-Sized Man-Thing!



"...They belong to AOL Time-Warner!"



She's got pretty good...stats.



Dude, I love Hulk Hands!



Kitty!



Okay, so Cosmic Aunt May was a 'dream' story.

But Spidey eating hot dogs with Loki? 100% canon.

What a world.



Now we have an excuse to listen to some Presidents of the United States while playing cards!

Little Dune Buggy...in the sand/Little Blue Dune Buggy...in my hand...



Maybe flying by itself was more useful when you were an X-Man, when you were the only one had it. Atleast carry around that pole you had back when you were a kid!



She ated the purple berries.

Okay, even if there were 1000 different words that meant 'awesome', it wouldn't be enough for this.



Simply put: awesome.



What's with big green guys and birds today?



Nighthawk is Gumby?



I think this is the first utterance of 'chillax' on a gaming card.

Hopefully, it will be the last.

I'm so gellin'.



What exactly are they defending? A back wall? Pudding?



Wow, what a great name.









By the way I tried to say I'd be there waiting for!

This is the most musical Visuals ever.



Don't be fooled! Albert Malik is not the original Skull! He's a communist, not a Nazi!

Oh well, we're just going to have to wait a bit longer for the real deal, won't we?



"I love you Cameron Diaz!"



For you see, he has razors...for fists.



(Insert reference to Dalmatians)

Too easy. Let's just leave it at: Spot is a loser. Loveable loser, but a loser nonetheless.



The Skull may have not been a Nazi, but Swarm is! Not only that, but he's a Nazi made of bees.



Green Goblin sure loves his own head.



Hahaha, why didn't we get the Kangaroo in this set?



Eventually, an old man will extract their DNA, clone them, and put those clones in a theme park that goes awry.





They look like they're in amber, you see.



What a silly picture.



"You're invited...to a sweet sixteen party!"



Apparently, when they were handing out names that are not lame, this guy missed the bus.



Chug! Chug! Chug!



Well, I guess Rock 'N Roll has conquered Hell.

/\_/\

Sorry, can't remember how to e-symbolize the horns ;_;



"I'm not touching you!"



Thanos: Titan of Street-Crossing Safety!



There's a funny story behind this pic, there really is...I suggest you look up the Giffen/DeMatteis/Maguire Defenders miniseries.



Electro and Kraven are too cool for mugshots.



I love the grainy look of this card.

What, no joke for this one? I'll make it up...errr...

How do fruit get to the hospital?

In the Jambulance!

I'm so sorry.



Errr....that's different.



What a sillier picture.



Here's another card whose source material might be worth looking up.

Well, look it up!



Okay, ew.



Hulk playing pool...what a country!

(Insert quote from The Hustler)



Huh, I wonder what lives there...

Oh, the Infinity Watch.

Oh.