Mutilated Lips

I find this amusing.

This may also be a challenge to my friends, BTW.

DR.E.A.M

This has probably waited too long, so not every detail is clear and thus it is less entertaining.

The dream took place at work...or at least a grocery store very similar to it. It actually kind of looked like IGA at times...anyway, the main thrust of it was that the last episode of a TV show I liked, which I'm pretty sure was Sealab 2021 (which is funny, because that show ended about two years ago). There were TVs strewn about on the racks that I used to watch it...and it didn't look much like Sealab, to be honest. There was something else about it, too, that made it a must-see for me, although I can't remember what that was, exactly.
I also wandered the store, finding dream strangeness about. No specific examples of it that I can remember. See, I told you waiting so long has sucked all the fun out of this.

But yeah, first new 'major' dream in a while.

@_@

Due to Youtube's gang of miscreants, I've found myself exposed to far too much Hello Kitty-related things as of recent. It's messing with my mind, man!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventures_of_Hello_Kitty_%26_Friends

Although the show is aimed at children between the ages of three to ten, it is popular for men and women of all ages.

YOU DO NOT FILL ME WITH CONFIDENCE!

The Big List of Real Funny Names

Using this, you can search up the names of dead people. Naturally, one would want to exploit this for all it's worth, looking up whatever humorous names one could find. This post will be used to list all the good finds:

DARK ANDERSON
ISADORE ANUS
HALO BAER
SHADOW R BERGER
PIRATE BLACK
HANS BLOB
George W Boner
HORACE D BOOB 
JOSI BOOGER
BURR CROWS BREAST
PUNCH BRIGGS
SPACE BUCK
ELECTRIC BUTTRAM
CHOCOLATE CHAN
FAT CHEW
Chin Chink
DALLAS CHIPS
HYMAN CHUD
ENOCH COCK 
DOUCHE COLES
COOL JOE COOL
INGEBORG A CUM
THEODORE DERP
LOUIE GHOST DOG
PHILLIP DOG TAKING DOG
VIVA DORKS
CHAR P DOUCHE
FURRY FANNIE
DIXIE FIGHT
AMERICA FIST
BEN FRANKENSTEIN
LOL FUGIT
SMILE GAMES
IMA R GAY
UBIQUITOUS P GOD 
HARRY GOOBER
ROBERT T WOLF GUTS
BONER HAMMERS
HAY HAY
O HAP HENRY
SLIMER HILL
YODA HOLMES
VIRGIL CHARLES DOG WITH HORNS
BEN HURR
SAD J JACKSON
DOCTOR D JAY
THICK JEW
CRAZY JIM
HITLER JOHNSON
CHASTITY N JUSTUS
FRED E KRUEGER
BUS LIVENGOOD
MARY A LOBSTER
SMILE LOVE
MANLY MANN
LESTER MEAT
TARD MIX
IWANNA MOORE
WHALE MUSE
FATHALLA NAKED
ISSA NAZI  
NUDE NOBLES
OLEY NOES
Captain Outrageous
THE OWL
TOAST PATTON
ELEUTERIO PENIS
HANDSOME PEEPLES
MISTER PERSON
PAUL PIZZ  
YODEL POLIWODA
EBONY PONCE
Jesus Poo
Z Mahboobi Poo
Chauncey MC Queer
Abraham Rape
BUNK RAPE
LOTTA RAPE
SOR REAM
JOE ROBOT
OLD SALT
SIMONE PIE L SANTANA
OMER SEX
WILLIE SEX
OCIE SHITE
BOLESLAW SLAM
IMA SMELLY
SAMUEL SPAZ
MERCY SPOONER
UNKNOWN STORM
B TARD
ALVIN E TARD
MOG THOMPSON
HEDWIG TITZ 
IRON ROSCOE TOOTLE
MAJESTIC UNDERWOOD
Urban Wanker
DER WAT
OLD WHISKERS
CHEESE WILLIAMS
MURDER WILLIAMS
BONES WILSON
SAUCY WILSON
FUK YU

The Months of the Year Tier

In the tradition of ranking things so people do not have to think for themselves:

THE MONTHS TIER LIST

Top Tier
June
May

High Tier
July
September
August
December

Mid Tier
October
April
March
November

Low Tier
February

Bottom Tier
January

Legion of Derp

I'll have that best of/worst of list thingy up tomorrow, probably. But now, for an amusing piece of Canadian politics!

Apparently, there's some sort of anti-abortion caucus up here, and its current chairman is a local lad. He hopes to re-open the abortion debate, which no one wants re-opened. Of course, his argument pretty much shows why he and his ilk will never be taken seriously.

Although apparently you can do a ton of shit with unborn fetuses and its perfectly legal! Let's huck 'em at cars!

2008 of ME - Top Videos

Just like last year, my favourite videos of the year (screw the next week or so, I'm doing it now):

25)


24)


23)


22)


21)


20)


19)


18)


17)


16)


15)


14)


13)


12)


tied with



11)



10)


9)




8)


7)


(Watch the whole series, they're all worth it)

6)
(Not embeddable, goddammit. Oh well, Not Work Safe)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7jVnrfoZD8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcnQDYnGtS8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fA07Tw4iEFw

5)


4)


3)


2)


1)


Some of the picks would have been different if the posters didn't keep CLOSING THEIR ACCOUNTS.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Even considering all the political hullabaloo this week, this may be the stupidest thing I'll read all week. The article itself speaks of terrible things, but the comments make the whole thing even worse.

And I guess I go back to school now. Joyous occasions.

$_$

Statements with truth added into them, #1:

"Why does anyone listen to X critics anymore, they don't have the same opinions as me, so obviously they're wrong."

Yes I heard it on a message board.

(++++)

That's Donkey Kong teeth, for your information.

Last night there was a conflict of some sort outside my house. It was more inconvenient than scary. But apparently, someone was stabbed, to death. Funny I didn't hear about that until now.

Much more distressing were the various Gumby cartoons my friend and I just watched. Those things must have been made by...aliens or something. How can English-speaking people have such a poor grasp of...English? Who thought of these plots? Who thought an episode where Gumby and friends almost get robbed in an elevator but a trench coat-clad freak and his horrific hell dog was sane? Plus, they used the one thing my entire peer circle has despised for years...characters being revived by the tears of others! Gaaaaaaaah.

Just go look it up and view the horror.

The Book That Was Made of Failure

http://www.cbc.ca/arts/books/story/2008/08/08/meyer-protest.html

Just...just everything.

Things I want to see, Part 1

A newspaper or site open on Christmas that includes Jesus among the "Famous People Born This Day"

Hehehehehehe.

*&*

The one idea I wish I could have thought of? Living planets. Stuff like Ego (who has planet-sized beard!) and Mogo (He is a superhero who is also a planet). Really, I find that any large inanimate body gaining sentience is a really entertaining concept for fiction. Planets and other astral bodies (when my friend and I were fucking around with making an entire tabletop roleplaying game, he designed a bunch of monsters, including the Moon), but also things like streets (again, I love Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol for many a reason, this included), buildings, and trains (which is something I've been developing).

Now that FFTA2 is out, I thought that the only game I'm really looking forward to is Soul Calibur IV. "But wait!" I remembered, "Isn't there not one, but TWO Capcom fighting games coming out in the future?" And lo and behold, there were. I saw that Alex from Street Fighter III (possibly my favorite fighting game) was added to the cast of Tatsunoko vs. Capcom, which is indeed awesome because Alex is a fun character to play as. That game is actually shaping up nicely, and it looks like it has two on two gameplay (like, actual two and two, with everyone out), which is pretty awesome. Eeeeee I'm excited about videogames once more.

O~O

This weekend, I went to Moosomin, Saskatchewan. It's got one thing most small towns don't - a KFC/Pizza Hut. So, that's three KFC combinations I've seen in my lifetime. Maybe I will be able to complete the checklist:

[X] KFC/Taco Bell
[X] KFC/Pizza Hut
[ ] KFC/Long John Silver's
[X] KFC/A&W
[ ] KFC/Krispy Kreme
[ ] KFC/KFC
[ ] KFC/JC Penny
[ ] KFC/Radioshack (IT'S STILL RADIOSHACK TO ME)
[ ] KFC/GM
[ ] KFC/DC
[ ] KFC/AIM
[ ] KFC/Djibouti
[ ] KFC/Magitek
[ ] KFC/Dimension X
[ ] KFC/New Guardians
[ ] KFC/Sea Devils
[ ] KFC/CFK

Oh Dear God No

I like my longer posts. They are fun to read. Yes, fun to read for me.

The Youtube time wasting of importance lately? Watching SOME (but not all) of a number of animated movies and specials that the devoted have posted in all their glory. Well, it certainly better than whatever video diary entry or "scary montage" (as I've had my videos described as) one may think of making.

It all started last week, when for reasons I can't remember, I looked up Gollum on Wikipedia (I'm not a fan of Lord of the Rings, so don't look at me like that). While there, I was reminded that those holiday-loving folks at Rankin-Bass made an animated adaptation of The Hobbit in the 70s. I decided to tune in, and watched a select few parts of it, namely the Gollum section (obviously), and the ending.




It looks like a Rankin-Bass animated movie. You know what a Rankin-Bass animated thing looks like, so I won't go into details about that (and if you don't, well, I'm lazy and that's the actual reason I won't go into details about it). One thing that struck me was the way Bilbo was presented. I actually read about half of The Hobbit years ago, and Bilbo always struck me as a grumpy whiner, while this animated version seems more like a jokey fellow. Gollum more or less resembles what I pictured him in the pre-Peter Jackson days. I don't remember what it is that made me visualize him so reptilian. Maybe some of you uber dorks can help?

I have seen bits and pieces of Ralph Bakshi's Lord of the Rings (which technically follows this), and the rotoscoping is rather off-putting (but seems a bit more visually in-line with the definitive versions, even if Aragorn looks like a viking). I haven't decided to watch the Rankin-Bass follow-up to that. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I'm a rebel like that.

After that, I followed it up by looking for another full-length movie to watch. Unfortunately, the one I decided upon was Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue. I'm sure you must know of this one. It's been a part of my worthless psyche for years now. For the unwary, it's a special made in the late 80s/very early 90s where a bunch of cartoon characters popular forever or at that time specifically (how else can you explain the presence of ALF?) teaching generic teenage (it could be YOU!) that drugs are bad and have bad effects on you, while George C. Scott Mary Jane Smoke Monster eggs him onto harder stuff. It's all very Reagan-era (even though it was preceded by a message from Bush the First and his wife BARRRRRR HE DESTROYED MY MEMOIRS!) The most entertainment you can get out of it is hearing characters like Bugs Bunny, Winnie the Pooh, Huey, Duey, Luey, and Michelangelo of the TMNT talking about drugs...and George C. Scott doing the voice of a Mary Jane Smoke Monster in a business suit (alas, no "AARRRRRRRGH! MY GROIN!") See, I just made two Simpsons references in order to make this funny (X-E could write several paragraphs on it and still be funny, but I'm not that Matt).

One thing I DID find humorous about the whole enterprise is that, after trying to convince aforementioned teenager of the badness of drugs via upbeat, delightful song, it doesn't seem to work. So to get the point across more bluntly, the Toons decide to use a combination of shock imagery and a simulation of a very boring bad trip. That'll teach them kids not to be like Hendrix!

So, here, I'll subject you to the whole thing:



Well after that debacle, I decided to aim a bit higher. So where do I go? Chuck Jones, of course.

What Chuck Jones, you ask? An adaptation of Riki-Tiki-Tavi, a completely unrelated story in The Jungle Book by Rudyard "Isn't British Imperialism Awesome?" Kipling. It's a pretty well-known story, so I'm going to have to say "Fuck you" to everyone who doesn't understand what's going on.





It's a surprisingly 'dark' story, I guess. Well, dark in the way that the titular character just sort of slaughters villainous snakes left and right, and other elements. He also clearly goes insane when doing so, and it's animated appropriately. Chuck Jones, more so than even Rankin-Bass, has a style you can easily identify. I'm unfortunately not a true animation buff, so I can't really expand upon that any further.

Another thing: apparently, the songs of the bird are in the book, too. Because birds 'sing', obviously this very non-Indian sounding bird (who said that the animals need to sound like the people of the region, huh? They could just as easily sound like the white people occupying and enslaving the region!) singing about every event known to man. Oh, Kipling, why don't you get some Indian kids to go pick your cotton.

Oh it doesn't matter anymore

http://wordle.net/gallery/This_is_what's_on_my_blog___

Scantastic Voyage

A while back, I found a flyer for a wholesaler/importer that I found humorous. I have been kicking myself for months because I didn't pick it up. Now, I have found another flyer for the same store, with more or less the same things I liked before in it, and even more. So, comedy ahoy (click to see the picture in detail):



So let's see: Tickets for Liquor, an ear-shattering alarm, a fake camera, and the finglonger. Off to a great start.



No explanation needed.



Of course, replica swords can be pretty lame, but there's one that stood out...



Be the laughingstock of even the LARP community!



Even more replica stupidity! However, I would love a fancy walking cane.



This was mainly for random pictures on the bottom, although Religious Clocks are good.


>

I want a Kosher dog.

Or a talking sword.

Or meat cleavers beside my children's toys.


BONUS:



These shoes are so good, they cost you YOUR VERY SOUL.

Midnight Terror

What they hey, I haven't had a dream post for a while. Not since my Starship Troopers adventure with that jerk Dr. Doom. These ones aren't nearly as entertaining, but at least the second one is bizarre enough to warrant mention.

A few weeks ago:

I'm in another city, probably Winnipeg, but it could be any big city. I think I'm with a class or something, and we visited some sort of studio/boring building. Afterwards, we all left. I remember being in a car, looking at buildings, including some video stores and car dealerships at night. However, when I reach the bus station/airport, I learn that I've been left behind. I phone my parents to let them know, and I guess I was going to try to get home the next day. Thankfully, my hotel room is connected right to the bus station/airport, and looks suspiciously like my parents bedroom with another room attached. It was also right beside a flashy-looking restaurant/club.
That's about it. Not very exciting, but I felt somewhat dejected when I woke up from it. Psycholomogists, figure it out!

Last Night:

I'm in the parking lot of my work, and I meet a little girl through bizarre circumstances (I can't remember what they were, though). She decides to give me a ride home in her little car. It was really a little car...I mean, like an actual car, but go-cart shaped. I couldn't actually fit in the car, so I held onto the back. Yep, hugging a little car, with my ass dangerously close to the pavement. After making it to the exit out of the lot, I decide not to go for a number of reasons (not wanting to be a bother as well as possible ass damage). So, I hop off, and meet my brother at a nearby bus stop.
Then things shift. We are now in the mall, and I appear to be nowhere in cite. Instead a group of monsters (I think they were all werewolves) were battling in the store that sells biker apparel, with scientists looking onward. One of them had been tranquilized, with the other two fighting in some sort of boss battle. I think I saw their energy bars, like in Final Fight. There was even a boss battle-esque song being played. When I woke up and remembered the song, it sounded familiar. Then I remember where it came from (saw this video yesterday. My dream only played the first few notes of the level song). One beats the other one, and then it gets blow dart'd by the scientist. They all turn back into humans.
We then go back to my workplace, where the head scientist is giving a lecture about how he shouldn't have created those monsters, and I'm watching. Right beside the candy stand, no less. Meanwhile, in the actual candy stand, there seems to be post-credits enemy roll call, like the ones that appear in some games (where they just appear with their numbers underneath. And this was in real life, happening to my left). I remember there being a hat monster, a clock monster, and Frankenstein's monster, and it was like I knew where they from, level-wise, in my fictional game.
I don't want to have this one analyzed.

Sadness and Anger

Good God, I've found some Garfield strips funny. Namely, this one and this one. They are certainly the oddest I've seen in a while. Maybe Jim Davis is overworking his robots, and this is the result. I'm guessing Jon is going through some mood swings - the depression in the first leading to the anger in the second. Or...something.

Stop the Presses...Please

Pullquote from Now! Magazine for some movie...I can't remember which one.

"NNN!"

Thanks, Now! Magazine

Quote from Dateline NBC while doing a segment on another missing kid.

"Here is the last photo taken. Clearly, an adorable child."

Thanks, Dateline NBC.

This has actually been one of the dumbest Dateline segments I've seen.