Thursday, April 30, 2009


Old Animal! news is still Animal! news.

New fossils up north discovered. It's a seal! It's an otter! It's both!

It's an animal that is right up my alley!

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Kids are (going to be) dumb

Okay, taking off the goofy bastard gloves for a minute...

Alberta is trying to pass a new law that allows parents to opt their kids out of certain classes in public school.

This is wrong on many levels.

Just because you decided to trust your favourite holy book (or, in the worst case scenario, white supremacist literature) instead of reality doesn't mean you get special treatment in public school. Want your kid to grow up just like you? Don't send 'em to public school. Public school is where they are exposed to public education, remember. If you decide your kid would be better off not knowing the basics of the world, you have other options. This whole thing is unnecessary and idiotic.

Plus, I mean, how many kids are going to use this just to get out of class? If they're both lazy AND smart, they're going to exploit the hell out of this. Them kids are tricksy.

I also don't like the fact that this was hidden in a bill that also (finally) adds sexual orientation to their human rights statute. That's just cheating tactics, and I've been noticing it a lot lately in new bills in Canada. This is the same way the feds got that bill that lets them decide which film projects 'contribute to Canadian culture' (Read: dumbed down shit) and get vital funding.

So yeah, my hopes are Albertans realize what a bad idea this is and force their reps to drop it before it causes out the wazoo.

Smarter people talk about it.

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Guess what I didn't watch tonight?

If you said anything other than Jimmy Fallon's show, you're WRONG.

Things I must do some time:

1. Read Don Delillo's 'Falling Man'
2. Watch all three seasons of Father Ted
3. Write something, I think I might be out of practice!
4. Read All-Star Superman Volume 1. Also, Sandman: The Kindly Ones.
5. Find new music to listen to
6. Figure out a way to print off Wikipedia's list of hat styles for reference.
7. Finish Principia Discordia
8. Figure out what the bottom half of my filing cabinet should be used for.
9. Crush my enemies
10. Get passport photo
11. Find use for big black box o' shit I have
12. Sleep at night.
13. See them driven before me.
14. Go on a trip somewhere. Not anywhere too far, because that's impossible. Just...somewhere.
15. Get rid of more possessions. I have too much stuff.
16. Make a new video.
17. Hear the lamentation of their women.

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Monday, April 27, 2009


So today, for the first time in a while, I watched an episode of House with a buddy.

Weird time to do that - the episode featured a hallucinating Dr. House subconsciously trying to kill a patient and a friend.

Now, this got me thinking...House has got some internal conflict going on, and it already is visualizing that internal conflict in a bizarre way. So why not take a step further?

It was my friend who suggested the idea that House could solve his problem by entering his own mind and doing battle with the horrible evil residing in it. And after that, I came up with the idea that the battle ends up splitting House into two people, just like in a thousand dumb cartoons! It could the basis for an entire season.

One House could be the good one - compassionate. But he'd also be completely inept. The other House would be the evil House - sadistic, but at the same time, brilliant. Now the staff has to figure out how to put House back together, but which House do they want to be the dominant personality?

This is what I'd do if I wrote House. It would be promptly cancelled.

(Actually, they wouldn't need to go with the goofier angle for it at all. Just make House suffer from multiple personalities. Same effect, but without the fantasy filth polluting the show about the funny doctor man who should be fired five times a day.)

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This is also not important


Recap: TMNT: Smash Up is a new fighting game coming out this year featuring the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, developed by Game Arts, some of the folks behind Super Smash Bros. Brawl. It looks to play like Smash Bros. (as one might have noticed from the SUPER SUBTLE reference in the title), but has enough of its own ideas so it won't be labeled a complete rip-off. It looks and sounds surprisining promising.

Now, this being a crossover/fanservice game (to which I am somewhat partial) based on material I have a reasonable amount of knowledge about, it makes sense then that I would start speculating on stuff in the game. Specifically the characters.

The developers have made tons of tittering hints about characters, talking about how the game is 'set to please fans of all eras of the turtles' (the game coinciding with the 25th anniversary of the franchise) and how we'll see characters we'll expect and others we never saw coming. Very vague, but it's a start.

So Who is Already In It?
Of course, you can't a TMNT game without the turtles. So Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, and Donatello are all already on board. So is Splinter, another no one should be surprised by. Finally, an early interview with the developers pretty much confirmed Shredder, not that we needed anyone to confirm the main antagonist of series being a character in a fanservice game for that series.

Who is the Most Likely?
TMNT is a franchise that has had many different components over the years, each one its own little universe. There's the original Mirage comics, the 80s cartoon, the late 80s/early 90s Archie comics, the movies (which don't really feel all that coherent and maybe shouldn't all be counted as one thing), and the new cartoon. Considering that this is supposed to be a game for all fans, I'm thinking the best place to start would be to find common ground between the iterations.

Not that hard, really. Which characters appear across all the versions? There are a few, and they would probably constitute the 'characters you know' thing the developers being interviewed have mentioned.

The shoe-ins, that I'd say need no further speculation, are Casey Jones and Karai. Appear across multiple forms, are always major characters, and are perfect for a fighting game. There ya' go.

The other recurring characters: April O'Neil, Baxter Stockman, Fugitoid, Rat King, and Leatherhead. Each one has their own sets of helping and hindering factors (Will April get in based on the new movie, Fugitoid is mentioned on the main site for the game, will they include Leatherhead even with a giant alligator as a hazard, etc.), but as a Turtles fanservice game, they seem to be the best starting selection of characters.

I also wouldn't be surprised to see a 'generic' character or two in there, like a Foot Ninja or Triceraton, considering how prominent they are. Maybe even an Utrom.

And Some Wild Guesses
From the sounds of things, some of the character choices may follow an idea I had when the game was first announced; that is, pull characters from different sectors of the franchise. This could supply the 'hardcore for-fan' characters they keep alluding to. But who?

This is a tad bit harder. The only clues we can possibly get is from the fact that the character selections are being made by Mirage. Who would Mirage pick? I don't know. From reading the blogs of the guys, I get the idea that they were behind some of the characters featured in the Archie comics and toyline, so some of those guys could show up. But that's probably wrongheaded.

Hard to say, really. I would say that if anyone from another (as in not Mirage, which is where I suppose most of the characters will come from) form shows up, it might be someone like Slash or Ray Fillet, characters who might gel with the others better (the former more than the latter).

Some people have also brought up the possibility that they could include Usagi Yojimbo, which is certainly a possibility. The only thing with that is that Usagi is owned by another indy comic artist who 'lent' his creation to the series a few times out of friendship. There's still a decent chance for him (he'd certainly fall under the 'never expected' banner), but he's a different scenario.

I'm glad to get that off my chest.

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Saturday, April 25, 2009


Due to Youtube's gang of miscreants, I've found myself exposed to far too much Hello Kitty-related things as of recent. It's messing with my mind, man!

Although the show is aimed at children between the ages of three to ten, it is popular for men and women of all ages.


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Friday, April 24, 2009


I'd probably like Rhythm Heaven more if I was any good at it. I was able to make some leaps, but I never felt like I was really advancing, and I didn't feel any need to play it again. Oh well.

Classes are over now, so now I have no excuses for not posting. Aside from lack of inspiration.


This is not important

This post should not be read. This is for my own reference.

Alright, it's for a bit more than that. But only if you care about the subject matter, and I'm sure a lot of you don't:

My predictions for the opponents in the new Punch-Out!!

(Italics means they are already confirmed. Everyone else is my own guess.)

Glass Joe
Von Kaiser
Disco Kid
King Hippo
Bear Hugger
Don Flamenco
Bald Bull
Great Tiger
Soda Popinski
Dragon Chan
Mr. Sandman
Super Macho Man
All-New Final Boss

UPDATE: Not even a day and Internet news fucks me up the ass. I hate you, Piston Honda.

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Sunday, April 12, 2009

Game Ideas #2

And just to show that I'm not totally lacking in original ideas, I will pitch an idea not based on a long-established game franchise...

Idea: Heart of Darkness: The Videogame

Now, I only said it wouldn't based on a videogame franchise, not that it would be completely original.

I bet you're wondering why I decided to go with the original Conrad novel rather than just make a game based on Apocalypse Now. It's quite simple, really: there's slightly less baggage in adapting the classic novel rather than the classic movie, and, much as Apocalypse Now changed the setting of the story, so too would I be able to change the setting in the game. In short, it frees up the game for ideas.

How would one translate this story into a game? The plot does give you one big concept to develop around: you're tasked with finding Kurtz, somewhere in the massive jungle and river environment. The whole game, then, would be about you travelling around a well-developed world, filled with unique places and NPCs, trying to find information about where to find Kurtz. That is the primary thrust of the game, and it provides you plenty of opportunity to include some great game concepts around it.

The game world, for example, can be made into something really cool. Like I said, it's large and populated by lots of unique characters. And stuff would always be going on, either on a random (more realistic) basis or on a scheduled (probably more fair) basis. For example, say you know of a guy upriver who has important information, and you want to track him down. However, the guy is also a rebel leader, and could be assassinated at any moment. Stuff like that. Suddenly, a new sense of urgency, and a far more organic world. Of course, you don't need to find every single person with information to complete the fact, if you are so inclined, you could probably just travel around for hours and you'd eventually stumble upon Kurtz's whereabouts. Of course, then you'd have no idea what to do.

Just like in the book and movie, you're not alone. Over the course of the game, some of the people you meet can be convinced to join your little boat crew, some for higher prices than others. There would a limit to the number of people you can take with you on your dinky little boat; it's not a goddamn clown car. So this means you have to really think about which guys you will recruit. Each one has their own unique set of skills that may come in handy: some are better marksmen, some are better navigators (which will help you during some of the rougher moments on the river), some will help you better communicate with the locals, some provide you a stash of useful items...the list goes on. It's all up to you to prioritize things on your boat. Of course, considering this is a Heart of Darkness game, you're likely going to have plenty make room for other guys if you need it.

It's essentially a text-adventure/simulation hybrid with elements of survival horror (you never know when you'll be attacked by rebel fighters or wild animals) and sandbox games. The final part of the game, when you finally track down demi-god Kurtz, will add one last bit of intrigue. What DO you do? Do you fulfill your orders and eliminate him? Do you leave him alive and go off? It's up to you. Or maybe not. Who is to say that some of your crew members don't have their own agendas in the situation?

The other good thing about this game? It doesn't necessarily have to be based on Heart of Darkness, and is pretty free when it comes to settings. Of course, you could say that about my Mario game idea too, but I just like the idea of Mario teaming up with a robot.

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Saturday, April 04, 2009

Game Ideas #1

I've been thinking a bit about directions established game franchises can go to stay good. The problem with most gamers is that they are creatively retarded, and just want the same thing over and over again (while still whining that the games are rehashes). Me, though, I'm allllll right.

So now I'm going to talk about some game concepts I came up with. Why not? I'm sure I've done it before.

And what better way to start talking about videogame franchise ideas than with the videogame franchise?

Idea: Super Mario Metropolis

Now, it seems like a bit of a downgrade to take Mario from space back down to earth, and then restrict him to a certain environment, like a city. But wait! There's more to it!

The story would be the basic one: Mario & Peach travel to the biggest city around, Peach is captured by Bowser, Mario must save her because that's what he does. However, he's got bigger problems: not only is the Princess locked a high rise tower that he can't seem to get into, but he's also constantly being chased around by police robots working with Bowser. Still not that much of a departure? Here's the big catch: Mario himself teams up with a robot to save the day once again.

One of things I've noticed with most Wii games is that they usually only subscribe to one of the ideas that are possible for the system. That is usually the aiming or shaking concepts. There's a lot more possible with this thing, and I hope to combine some of the old and unused ideas in here. See, players control both Mario and the robot, the former with the nunchuck, and the latter with the remote. Mario would get his usual abilities, which can easily be assigned to the nunchuck buttons. The robot would be a bit more complicated.

I haven't completely figured out the specifics of the robot's control scheme. Should he move with the d-pad, or by pointing? The pointing would seem to be necessary for some of the robot's unique skills (long range weapons, for example, similar to the star bit shooting in Galaxy). Does the robot need to move at all? In any case, the general idea would be that you would control both characters simultaneously using each half of the controller package. Co-op play could be an option, too. This seems like a pretty basic idea, so I wonder why so few have used it before?

The game would be equal parts Mario, Pikmin, and The Lost Vikings. You will need to utilize Mario and the robot to solve the games puzzles. This will make some objectives easier (how much more relaxing would the average "take this thing from here to over here" challenge be with back-up?) and some more difficult, as you try to get down the timing and placement of both characters down pat. There might be a few sections where the two are separated, and you only have to pay attention to one of them at a time. There's plenty of possibilities.

The basic "find the MacGuffins" gameplay would remain, but with a twist: instead of collecting 120 magic objects, you collect various machine parts, much like Pikmin. By collecting the appropriate combination of parts, Mario can use them to upgrade his robot buddy, granting him even more new abilities. The robot could transform into vehicles, and essentially work like a combination of the FLUDD from Mario Sunshine and the various power-ups from every other Mario game. Many of them would also be able to utilize various remote functions to add some variety.

Not only do these new abilities give you access to more challenges and thus more parts, they can also be used to bypass the security and traps and get further and further into Bowser's skyscraper fortress. This is similar to the structure I had for my Zelda game idea, which I'm pretty sure I mentioned before, but should probably go into further detail about another time. It's a different kind of game structure, one that progresses in a way that you feel a lot more part of it.

Of course, all this talk and I don't address one major problem: level variety. One thing people didn't like about Sunshine was that the island setting limited the different environments in the game, while on the other hand Galaxy was nearly limitless. The same problem could come up in Metropolis, but there are ways around it. A big city has lots of places to go that could provide suitable Mario worlds to explore: the park, the mall, the sewers, amusement parks, docks, factories, clock towers...and let's not forget the big city itself. Each of these could also be expanded to include the archetypes (ice, lava, etc.), but maybe we don't need them again. Just a thought.

There's still some unanswered questions in this pitch, but even so, I think the basic groundwork for something good. Really, though, I just like the idea of Mario working with a robot.

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Thursday, April 02, 2009


You know what I like? Animals!

Especially ones like this.

More on this order!

I remember back when I used to post a lot about monkeys or people with swords. I think I'm going to post more about Animals!

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