A very long and nerdy post

Cross-posted here, it is the long-awaited second part in my series of articles based on the time speculating about Super Smash Bros. Brawl on the Internet. It is very, very long and so niche you can't possibly care. Here's the first part. I hope to get the final part done by March 9th, for exactness and all.

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In the last instalment, we saw the game announced with a few surprises in tow. Not long after, cryptic statements helped contribute to the thoughts, the battles, and the pain. I revealed my own involvement in the dreaded online character cults. And after 6 months and two trailers revealing pretty much bare bones information, silence reigned….

March 28th, 2007
It had been months since our last update. No news, no interviews with important information, nothing. Those impatient little dimwits cried about it for days on end. “Why, Nintendo, why?” they whined. Every convention/other opportunity was seen as a chance for Brawl tidbits, but nothing came, not even a firmer release date.
The first major Brawl-related news bit of 2007 wasn’t even about Brawl directly. On this day, it was announced that, after over a decade of rivalry, Mario and Sonic would finally appear together in one game, Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games.
Of course, after months of debating 3rd party involvement in Brawl (where everyone from Mega Man to Kingdom Hearts’ Sora were seen as candidates, and reason was tossed out the window and impaled on broken glass), some saw this is a major break. Sonic discussion was mandatory, and its oligatoryness made it seem like a background element to all the other discussions. Even so, here’s a chance to get some info, because all the interviewers asking about this game has GOT to bring up Smash Bros.
And they did, and we got…nothing. ‘No comment’ from one, as should be expected. However, the other interviewed rep made the statement “That’s not on the cards right now”, something to carries a bit more meaning to overanalysts, despite lacking any. Some saw this as a sign that Sonic wasn’t going to make it, and proclaimed repeatedly. Others, mostly those whose denial was based on fanboyism rather than logic, cried back. It was par of course for Smash Bros. discussion. And it would be a bit longer before this one would be locked.
This provided a decent enough break from the monotony of months-old speculation, but it soon went back to “Which characters should return LOL”. Thankfully, it wouldn’t be long until the next miniscule moment of enlightenment.


April 2007
Of course, Brawl was the subject of April Fools jokes. How could it not? None of those jokes were particularly good, but they were there. They were about all we had at the time.
Then came my next contribution to the Smash masses. While perusing NSider against my better judgement, I stumbled upon a thread linking to a Korean site with a scan from Corcoro Comics, one of Japan’s premier comic magazines. This scanned showed a page with some Brawl art and text nearby, and some translators determined that the mag would have a feature of the game in next month’s issue. I quickly broke my cyber exile from Smashboards and posted the thing. Excitement swept the land. It appeared everywhere. Of course, the vagueness of the magazine’s text led many to believe, wrongly, that there would be a new character revealed. Such are the actions of simpletons. Even so, it all made some level of sense, as Corocoro had spent a good time before the release of the newest Pokemon games revealing some of the new critters before anyone else. We’d just have to wait and see.
Around the same time frame, we got a rather bizarre break from Hideo Kojima himself. At some convention, Kojima was asked about Smash, to which he replied that he and Sakurai had played the game not long ago, and Kojima claimed “It feels really complete” and “If they released it right now, they’d sell a million copies”. These statements, of course just compliments from a friend, were taken deadly seriously by many message boarders.

May/June 2007
We had been hearing that more information was coming. We prayed for that information. And then we got eventually got it.
In mid-May, the Smash Bros. Dojo website was taken down and replaced by a countdown of around a week. “Oh boy!” We all thought. “We are getting new stuff, finally!” Conveniently, this came at the same time we learned the CoroCoro thing was a bust. And so we waited, and waited for that time. In the meantime, there was anti-comedy afoot: the ‘Japan Time’ note contained on the page became a meme at places like NeoGAF, and like all memes at NeoGAF, it was driven into the ground like a drill.
I remember when the day came; I was so excited I couldn’t sleep. For that reason, the fact that the actual site update didn’t come until 2 AM probably wasn’t the best for me. And when the update came…
I can’t say the first posts on the Dojo were received very well. They had waited a week, and were expecting quite a bit, and what they got was…introductory posts. Not unexpected or illogical, but not what they were building up to. I mean, the world held its breath for 6 months for this news!
The reaction was not really outright disappointment, but rather something a bit lukewarm. The early posts did give some fuel to the fire, though – mainly through the Musicians post, which was incredible on its own. It got some pretty early speculation going on, but unfortunately based on wrong connections – the site listed the major games that the composers had worked on before, and this led to people thinking that Brawl must feature content from some of those games in some way (apparently the idea of ‘freelancing’ eluded them that moment). It died out pretty quickly, I thought, although some people (even IGN) held on to the belief that the hired musicians meant something to third party participation until the very end.
The first three weeks of the Dojo were basically getting us into the idea of the Dojo. There wasn’t really much in the way of exciting new stuff during that time; some new items, some new special moves, some fun new concepts (I thought moving and shooting was pretty damn swell), a new stage…but that was pretty much it for most of the first month or so, and people complained (especially when the game explained basic concepts like Recovery), as they are wont to.
The major updates for that time period were the explanations of the Final Smashes (the super moves from the first trailer) and the controller options. The former solved a mystery that had been in our minds for a year (and to think, some people had been convinced that the absence of the final smashes in the second video meant they were cut out or were ‘just for show’), and spurred another tournament player item/no item firestorm. The latter was very important, as it explained that all the compatible controllers were usable in the game (solving the mystery of what controller would be used in the game and ending another dumb forum argument), as well as told us that there would be customizable controls, which was great (and would be expanded upon in future updates, neither of which were met with much fanfare, strangely). Of course, this would also lead to tournament players claiming that anyone using any controller other than the Gamecube one would be ‘gimped’, but you take the bad with the good sometimes.
After the initial month of mostly recapping and basics, the updates really started picking up in the last month of June, when we finally got a new (but old) character in Zelda. Updates started becoming something to really look forward to, and the constant stream of whining ceased for the time being. Plus, E3 was right around the corner, and who knows what could go on there…
One final note for this month: the trend of misunderstanding or questioning interpretations of the posts began pretty early on. I must admit, I didn’t quite grasp the concept of rolling crates in the beginning. Other sources of confusion: the phrase “but once” in the Final Smash update, the explanation for aiming the Cracker Launcher, the naming of the Ridley song as ‘Metroid Boss Battle’ (did it mean Ridley was a boss?), and Wario’s ‘new martial arts that other characters cannot even see’. These ones were more minor confusions, but future posts had people questioning the translation or what the actual sentence means, mostly so they can construe it to their whims.

July 2007
July started with a bang and never really let up until months later. The first update of the month told us about ‘Assist Trophies’, a feature that was well-received but nonetheless controversial. It let characters that would otherwise not be in the game in any major capacity get their chance in the spotlight, but what would your reaction be if a character you were gunning for as playable was only in the game as an item? This would be brought up again and again in subsequent months as excitement and disappointment came with each newly revealed Assist Trophy. Like the previous month’s entries, there was some confusion with the concept – for example, did your character disappear when they used it? The only evidence was in how some screenshots were framed, but that was it.
The rest of the week was up to snuff as well: the return of Bowser (and his awesome final smash) and a new stage was swell stuff. And the next week, we got the return of the Bumper from the original Smash Bros.! All this, though, was lead-up to E3.
Now, one thing to remember: it had been announced earlier that the E3 we knew and loved was no more, to be replaced by a more conventional series of announcements and demonstrations (which was entirely reasonable, considering the needlessly bloated carnival E3 really was most of the time). This meant that there really was no way there would nearly as much mayhem in the Nintendo booth as there was last year. Even so, we waited in anticipation to see what Brawl info we could get.
What we got was a short movie, which was perfectly okay, and a release date, December 3rd, which was great. We scoured the video looking for any new elements not yet revealed on the Dojo, which consisted entirely of Donkey Kong, who appeared on the site the next day. Despite the small feeling of E3, I think most of us Smash fans were reasonably satisfied by it. Plus, we now knew where to mark our calendars.
The last update of the week was also a doozy: an Animal Crossing stage. This of course led discussions into a possible AC character, as the stage had to mean SOMETHING (in fact, no it didn’t). This would also be a source of debate until the end, as people could not, COULD NOT, give up the possibility of a playable AC character (even the ones who were clearly in the background of the stage, like Tom Nook). Some of the names they came up for the generic human character were pretty kooky as well – Animal Crosser? Doesn’t sound particularly family-friendly.
The rest of the month was good fun, but nothing that caused a massive stir. We got some more characters that were half-new (Yoshi and Zero Suit Samus), a couple of stages (the Rumble Falls stage was the cause of a minor spat in which people who thought the Ice Climbers could only have one stage design immediately jumped to the conclusion that they were out because Rumble Falls was in that mould), more Assist Trophies, and other such nonsense. The major potboiler was a mysterious update, bordered in black, which explained things about ‘this world’ and ended with an ominous message and a screenshot of a weird robot thing. I think most people guessed this was a teaser for the ‘beefed up’ Adventure mode mentioned before (the fact that it was in the section titled ‘Mode A’ helped that along a bit), but that didn’t stop some from coming up with crazy theories (for example, that it was actually teasing the online mode, and the ominous messages were talking about punishment for cheating or other such drivel).
Before we move on, one more thing: the so-called ‘Icon Theory’ (which may have had its roots earlier) was solidified in July. The ‘Icon Theory’ was basically checking the image name of the series icons presented in the top left corner of the updates, arranging the icons into a list based on how their names were numbered, and using that list to determined how many series are represented (have icons) in the game. Really, out of all the methods we had for trying to figure out stuff ahead of time, it was probably the best one, although there were arguments over how the order of the list worked (in the end, there was an order, but not that orderly an order). It became one of those integral things posted on most message boards over the coming months as new icons were revealed, and was another source of hope and disappointment for many.

August 2007
The first update in August was late for some reason. This would be common in August, but it also meant good things – it usually signalled something big. And the first update in August was big – our first completely brand new character in over a year, Ike. The shot heard round the Internet; the beginning of a new frenzy.
Not to be outdone, the last update of the same week solved the mystery of the black update by revealing the new Adventure mode, titled ‘The Subspace Emissary’, and featuring a big story, sidescrolling action, and cutscenes, cutscenes, cutscenes! Now a whole new sector of speculation came to be, and it was out the gate trying to figure out what those enemies were, or where that stage is from (although they ended up being completely original, we were still under the impression that the stages and enemies could be game-based), or trying to figure out the whole plot (is Meta Knight the villain?). Subsequent updates in the same month introducing the names of the villain group and introducing the concept of bosses (which, like the Assist Trophies, gave another avenue for fans to speculate character choices) added to the magical mystery of this new mode. Of course, some of the obviously hyped-up language used to describe the adventure mode (“And we fit it on one disc!”) would ultimately come to bite it in the ass, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves.
The rest of August was likewise filled with surprises and wonder. Two more brand new characters appeared within weeks of each other, and one more returning character (Peach, who actually appeared earlier in the Subspace Emissary video) filled the ranks. The two new ones were not without some level of controversy, but then again which ones were completely beloved upon arrival? (There actually were, but those come later). Pokemon Trainer, the second new character of August, was pretty well-accepted, although his game mechanics weren’t entirely clear on the outset. The big thing was the diehard Poke-fans wondering why his name wasn’t Red, the ‘canonical’ name for that particular Pokemon Trainer blah blah, nobody cares. The third new character, Diddy Kong…well, not everyone likes him very much. He’s a kid sidekick after all, and those tend not to be fan favourites. Even so, I can’t say no to monkeys, and he looked fun, so I was on his side from the beginning. The controversies were generally pretty small, and subsided rather quickly.
The characters and Subspace posts held the entire month, with the rest of the updates were okay, and included some new stages, Assist Trophies, and the like. It was a great way to cap off a great summer for Smash Bros. information, and would keep the people satisfied over the next month, which quieted down a bit.

September 2007
After an incredible August, September seemed almost quaint. Which isn’t to say that there were no exciting announcements that month; quite the opposite, actually. But the announcements based on gameplay barely ever stirred the base like new characters did, and there were no new characters that month.
Let’s start with the important stuff: the major features debuting in September were the Online mode and My Music. After months of wondering if the game was going to be online at all (even though that was the main points of making it in the first place), the announcement was one of the most well-received of all, even though the very first post about it mentioned all the features (friend codes, limited communication, possibility of lag) that everyone would be bitching about when they finally got the game. But hey, it was online!
My Music once again opened up another avenue for speculation, or at least opened it up more so. The site had been offering music samples since day 1, and people speculated on music as they normally would. But with My Music, it was evident that the actual soundtrack would be even more epic than originally thought, and people upped the ante on their music guesses. All in all, a very nice feature, although its inclusion did cause some ruckus by those who wanted completely custom soundtracks (which I just don’t think makes sense for this game) so they can play their (almost certainly bad, they’re gamers, after all) tunes over their battles.
The rest of the month was generally typical, but good. Two of the characters featured that month were already known – Meta Knight (who for his three month absence was actually being thought as a possible secret character) and Snake (whose update, finally showing us his special moves and a general idea of how he plays, was previewed a day earlier at a conference at the Tokyo Game Show). The third was a bit surprising to some – the return of the Ice Climbers. Being characters who aren’t from an essentially popular franchise, some thought they were expendable (which they aren’t), and the rumours from the previous year indicated they could be gone and replaced. Well, if that dumb rumour hadn’t been killed and forgotten by then, it was when that update appeared. Good riddance to Internet garbage.
Some of the other updates that month got some responses – Mario got FLUDD as a special move, the Special match options returned, we got to look at some the new enemies in the Adventure mode (killing most ideas that they were being culled from other games), and some amusing Assist Trophies (including Lyn, a Fire Emblem character with a following that mourned her obvious non-playable status). The month capped off with an oddly symmetrical week (two returning game modes, two final smashes, and an Assist Trophy in between).
And now, the stage was the set…for the big stuff.

October 2007
After taking a sort-of break in September, things went back into full swing in October, bringing in three all-new characters and a bunch of other stuff.
The new characters were an exciting lot – the first day we got Mother 3’s Lucas, much to the joy of those raving lunatic fanboys at Starmen.net (who actually stated beforehand that they had sources who indicated him being in the game, among other things that would also come to pass), and later in the month we got the awesome King Dedede, a crowd pleaser. Lucas created another bit of controversy – since he looked similar to Ness, and since the Japanese Melee website mentioned that the developers had thought of replacing Ness with Lucas had Earthbound 64 (the original version of Mother 3) been released, we wondered if Ness was replaced by Lucas, or would return. The description on the page “Can he surpass even Ness” was interpreted as indicating both. This was a major argument for months, as Ness fans looked for hints that he’d be back and detractors (which I must say I was a part of, not because I didn’t like Ness, but because based on the information provided, I thought he and Lucas were too similar) torn them down. It was a cycle that did not end until the game came out.
But neither could surpass the mania inspired by the character confirmed between them – Sonic.
It came as a surprise announcement in the middle of the night – Nintendo held a conference, announced a bunch of stuff, and showed off two Smash Bros. videos, one making all our wishes come true by showing Sonic battling it out with the rest of the cast. After months of wondering whether or not he’d make it, we got what we wanted, and it was glorious.
The two videos actually showed a lot – it was our first footage of ‘up-to-date’ gameplay, including the new character head boxes beside the damage meters (which were confirmed in the Online post), and a couple of attacks, taunts, and some slipped new stages in the background (Norfair was the main one, but it also appears that a secret stage, Spear Pillar, was also shown). So, aside from Sonic, we actually got quite a bit on that day. And we were to get even more, because alongside the announcement came playable demos for the press.
Yes, soon videos of people actually playing the game surfaced, and we basked in the glow. What we didn’t learn from the videos, we definitely got from the demos – special moves, changes in characters, stages, final smashes, Assist trophies, items, game mechanics, etc. etc. The week after, players who could make it to E For All got the same demo, and thus we got non-press reactions. E For All also had some footage of the Adventure mode, which added to the speculation for that as well. In any case, the impressions were generally good, and no one was bitching about things as of yet (although the beginnings of it were well in place. Everyone was just a little bit high on the moment to care that much). With E For All, however, also came impressions and things learned from the game that were…less than true. All the public demos would garner fake information, and some of it was even accepted for quite a while.
Of course, all these goodies came at a price…it was soon after announced that the game was delayed until February 9th, 2008. Strangely, the reaction to this wasn’t all that bad…I think, at least getting a real glimpse of the game was enough for people. Plus, we could see we were getting a pretty content-filled game, so maybe we just knew it was going to be worth the extra two months.
Not to be outdone, the Dojo posted numerous things that weren’t even in the demo – three new stages, many returning game modes, Snake’s hilarious Codec conversations (which sparked some minor debate about how they would be handled in the game, as in, would they interrupt it?), and of course Dedede. We also got news of lots of co-op modes, including Adventure, Target Test, and Home-Run Contest, which was much appreciated. The Target Test even included the first mention of the (decent but somewhat limited) replay saving feature, which added to the fun. We also got the Stage Builder, another new feature that blew minds, although it would eventually cause nitpicking. On a lesser note, the return of Classic update, which talked about collecting coins, created some mystery about what the coins would be used for (which wasn’t ‘shopping’, as the update put it).
All in all, October was a good month. But was it too good? Would following months live up to it? Well…

November 2007
November starts a period I like to call ‘The Great Whining’. How so? After all the features revealed in October, alongside the demo, people kept expecting their desire to be fulfilled daily. But the Dojo still had to catch up on a number of things revealed in the demo, and that consisted of a good chunk of the month. This alone caused people to whine about how boring the updates were getting, because they knew this stuff already. The rest of the updates didn’t help, as there were no new characters all month (one of the main reasons for moaning, and a defining feature of The Great Whining), and the thing was pretty much basic feature-heavy.
Although updates like the ones on the return of character entrances, multiple taunts, and the colour varieties were good, they lost impact because of the demo. And the others, on things like the new handicap options, widescreen mode, and Training were a tad underwhelming for the audience. Even some features that should have sparked some interest, like the Spectator mode, were met with hostility for no reason other than boredom-induced groaning.
Although new final smashes, Assist Trophies, and music appeared throughout the month, they were never met with much enthusiasm (maybe because they were never exciting unto themselves for most, but rather were swept along with other great things). Some of them even caused bitching – a joke-y comment about ‘wouldn’t it be cool if Gray Fox was playable?’ turned into a torrent of ‘why wasn’t Gray Fox playable??’ despite all common sense. The Great Whining affected all things.
It wasn’t until the very end of the month that we got some better stuff – the return of Events and some stages from Melee, but once again the excitement was stifled but general ill-feelings at that point. After so much greatness, it felt so weird for everyone to be sort of miserable. December wouldn’t necessarily fix that, but it was a better month over all.
One more thing: we got an update explaining Lucas’ special moves, which only furthered the “Will Lucas replace Ness?” debate. The update itself referred to Ness in the past tense, which contributed to the replaced side, but Lucas’ moves being different contributed to the for returning side. Of course, the debate would rage on for a few months more.

December 2007
Remember when this was the release date? Yeah, other people did as well. Even so, it wasn’t that much of a downer for people. Considering the frustration with the updates at that point, though, they really couldn’t get any worse off.
December was an improvement, though, in that there were a lot more exciting updates and general new stuff. There were still things that were scoffed at for being too technical – the options menu and online ‘sharing’, for example. But we also got some good things, too – Co-op Events, for example, the Coin Launcher mini-game, the Trophy stands concept, Kirby’s new hats, and other things. Some things even inspired some conversation and/or controversy!
The With Anyone/Basic Brawl update should have been rather tame, but it included the information that ‘most’ of the characters would be unlocked through the Adventure mode, which was an interesting development (the first real mention of the presence of secret characters, too, which no one thought wouldn’t happen, but worth mentioning all the same) The aforementioned Options update, although generally unappreciated, did unveil some of the other menus in the game, giving more ideas for how things in the game worked.
When the earlier online updates this month were posted showing the demo character select screen, some began to think that was the starting line-up, despite lacking some crucial characters (Kirby, for example, and Wario). With the ‘unlocking’ conditions mentioned earlier, they figured that the game would go Tekken and have tons of easily unlocked characters, whether they made sense as unlockable or not. Everyone pretty much ignored them, and the screen changed later when the full default select screen popped up.
One of the more controversial updates was “Overalls Wario”, the revelation that Wario would get his classic look alongside his WarioWare gear. Many people were hoping for alternative costumes for all characters, but this update, which said “But Wario alone is special” killed that idea cold. Some still clung to the possibility of a mistranslation, but nope, everything said the same thing. Oh well.
Strangely, there wasn’t that much of an outcry when two characters that had decent support as playables, Waluigi (why, I don’t know) and Stafy, were revealed as Assist Trophies. People usually got upset about these things, but there was hardly a peep. Must have been that ol’ Christmas spirit they were feeling.
There was also the Frigate Orpheon stage, which ended some dumb conspiracy theory about the developers of the game having some sort of grudge against Metroid Prime, apparently evident because of the lack of Prime-based content (they even nitpicked Samus’ design in the game, saying it looked more like the design in Super Metroid) and because in an interview with the Metroid Prime 3 team, they said no elements from the game were ‘borrowed’ from them for Smash.It was great that the Dojo once again shut people up.
Outside the Dojo, there was one important news item. After the announcement of Sonic, people were hungry for more third party characters. I mean, the site said they’d have two or three in total a year ago, didn’t it? The leader of the pack when it came to support was, as one would guess, Capcom’s Mega Man. I mean, he’d work perfectly, and be so fun (the people who said he’d be a clone of Samus obviously never played a Mega Man or Metroid game).
But alas, it was not to be. In an interview with MM creator Keiji Inafune, he was asked if Mega Man was in Brawl. Inafune said that “Nope. But wouldn’t that be great? Nintendo should call me, make it happen” (of course, not exactly like that). For most, this was all that needed – the game scheduled to be released in two months, not enough time for it to happen. Of course, there were some who refused to stop believing – “He might be throwing us a red herring!” they yelled. But we all knew the truth – there was no Mega Man in the game. Maybe another third party character would show up…
Before the beginning of the New Year, the Dojo announced it would be taking a weeklong break. People whined about it, but it might have been a good idea for poster and reader, giving us a week to relax and think about all that happened over the past year, while preparing for…the final countdown.

And that’s where 2007 ends. In the next instalment, get ready for massive revelations, mad ‘prophets’, and the truth, finally revealed.

DUMB ARGUMENTS AND OTHER DUMB THINGS:

-Some posters on a website that shall not remain nameless, NeoGAF, whined about the quality of music being posted on the Dojo. They thought it was too MIDI, wanted more orchestration, yadda yadda you get the deal. Some geniuses among them began to theorize that the samples were, in fact, not the real thing, but rather just an ‘overview’ of the song, which would end up being orchestrated. Yeah, think about the logic of THAT.

-Oh IGN, IGN, IGN…devoted much time and effort to keeping up with the latest news, but contained that air of fanboy prattling that makes me dislike the site so much. Their weekly ‘stories’ where they listed a group of possible characters became a staple, but not one that was read much.
IGN’s biggest contribution of bull to the speculation field, though, came from a statement where they nudge nudge wink winked us into thinking they had the inside information that were to be more third-party characters other than Sonic, and more than we were thinking. This turned out to be completely false, but thus is the quality of IGN’s rumormongering. How’s that new Kid Icarus announcement coming along?

Hidy Hole

This week is a non-school week. I hope to get things done. Also, Street Fighter.

I've always been thinking of finishing the two other parts of this, just in time for the one year anniversary of the game's release. Boy, doing something to celebrate a year since the release of one game sure sounds pathetic, but you must remember that this game in particular basically absorbed my life for almost two years. Wait, that only makes me sound even more pathetic. I have nowhere to go...

Wow, I can't believe Conan leaves this week. It just seemed to creep up on us all. I don't know how to feel; I've been watching this show for 8 years now, and now it's going to be gone, replaced by a retard pandering to an audience of idiots. Okay, at best, it could just be transferred to a different time slot (where I'd miss it due to work most of the time).

What a strange time we live in.

The 30 things about 2008

I know people like shit like this, so I decided to do this too. Not only that, it feels good to get this stuff all out in the open before year's end.

Eight Things I Liked in 2008

Crossover Fighting Games

My waiting for Smash Bros. Brawl finally came to end this year, and lo I was happy. The last month of speculation was both fun and frustrating (with dumbasses wailing about the things they wanted but didn't get), but very memorable in any case.
And when the days of Smash Bros. excitement had ceased, I was given another thing to get giddy about: a new Capcom VS. game! Tatsunoko vs Capcom kept me busy for the rest of the year, and I loved every minute of it. Thank you Nintendo and Capcom for your gifts to me!

Old Albums

I barely bought any new CDs this year...just the new Beck, Brian Wilson, and Sloan albums (I liked all three of them). However, I totally made up for it by buying and downloading a ton of older albums. Lots and lots of Bowie, some Beck, Pet Sounds...and others. It's been a good year for discovering music that I missed. I just recently added Ween's The Mollusk to that list, and it yet another excellent album. Thank you, learning how to use torrents properly!

Webcomics

Some people hate webcomics. I hate the bad ones (most of which can be seen skewered here), but found quite a few great ones this year. The major ones: This one and this one. Oh c'mon, I'm not going to tell you what they are...go read 'em, ya lazy jerk! I guarantee a million laughs, or your money back. And since I get paid nothing for this, you would get nothing back! Hahahahahahaha!

Ordering Online

Man, now that I can do this, I can get so many things. I bought comics I had only dreamed about! I imported a videogame all the way from Hong Kong! It's so fun and requires very little effort on my part.

Venture Bros.

My favourite show on TV. No other cartoon, and maybe even not-cartoon, has been able to combine loving geek references, great dialogue, and intricate storytelling like this one. Season 3 wasn't as strong as season 2, but it still had many brilliant moments throughout: the return of Henry Killinger, the Victorian superteam with Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde fighting Nichola Tezla in a blimp, the whole creepy climax in the Dr. Qym episode, pretty much everything to do with Sergeant Hatred, and the final two episodes with their awesome, bombastic action sequences.
I can't believe I have wait another year for another season. Le sigh.

Final Fantasy on XBox

Not that I actually care about FF anymore, but the E3 announcement of Numero 13 being on the 360 and the fanboy explosion was easily one of the funniest things ever. If only Metal Gear ended up on XBox instead of the fucking iPhone, oh the laughs we could have had!

Companies Remaking Games I Like

They remade two of my favourite games ever, Chrono Trigger and Kirby Super Star, for the DS. So now they can be the favourite games of everyone who didn't get to play them on the SNES....OR ELSE. Me? I didn't buy them. I have the originals, I don't need to waste money on that.

Downloadable Games

Lots of video game stuff this year! With games like Braid and Castle Crashers, and now Street Fighter II Remix, downloadable games have been getting a lot of publicity recently. And really, it's a good thing: a lot of games that would have never got off the ground are getting a better chance, and some genres long since extinct (like my beloved beat 'em ups) have the chance to be revived without people complaining about prices for arcade-type games. Plus, it means for simple to get into fun for us all. I am looking forward to the new age of the downloadable games!

Well, this is what I feel like doing today. Sometime soon..HATRED!

My Promethean Past Haunts Me Still

CRAZY INTERNET USING MY LIST WRONG AGAIN!

"Krystal remains the third most requested character that did not make it into the final roster (behind Geno and Ridley). No-one really knows why she wasn’t made a playable character, since less popular characters were selected over her."

It's quite obvious that this statement was based on my damned tally from all those years ago. It was based on the number of letters chosen by the developers (based on their tastes, not on who was most popular). We don't actually know who was requested the most or not (aside from Sonic.)

Grrrrr, two years later and the improper use of my one and only actual effect on the minds of others still lives.

And no, I don't think this post should have gone on the Smash Blawg. This is my personal bullshit, so it makes more sense to put it on my personal blog. Besides, I'd rather not waste a post there when I could not post a strategy for three weeks!

Hey look, an opinion! About a videogame! It's long and stupid!

It's been nearly a month since Smash Bros. Brawl was released. This will probably be the last thing I'll write about it ever again (with the exception of probably contributing to this.) The game is out, we know everything about it, the reviews are in, and generally if you wanted to buy it you probably have.

Here's my opinion: I don't think they should make anymore Smash Bros. games.

You might be thinking "The game's only been out for month! You still have time to absorb what Brawl gives you! Why would you be thinking about the future now?" The reason I am is because others are, and I'm constantly surrounded by a fan base who started looking towards the future in February. So basically, I don't think for myself.

Apparently Nintendo has been sending out a survey asking whether or not you would like another Smash Bros. This makes sense, but on the other hand doesn't. Durrrr, I don't know; do you think the millions of people who bought this game would want you to make another one? Well, I guess I'm the exception to the rule. I wouldn't want them to make another one.

Errrr, okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration. Would I buy another Smash Bros.? Of course I would, I'm a slave of the series. But I just don't think they should make another, which is about the fifth time I've said that, and I haven't even provided any reasons yet!

Why don't I want another one if I'm such a big fan? Pretty simple, really. I think Brawl is the peak, the farthest they can go with this idea. Any more games in the series would just be spinning the wheels.

I mean, just look at all the things in Brawl. Online, fully-realized adventure mode, stage editor, hundreds of songs, pretty much every major Nintendo franchise well-represented...what could they possibly add in a future game that would be new or exciting? Oh, and don't say 'a better online mode!', because that's not adding, that's just refining. And while the Brawl online isn't perfect, it feels fine for me.

Aw, the representation statement, better go into that. I can barely think of any other Nintendo series that NEED to be Smash Bros. (I think Punch-Out!! and Advance Wars are about the only two 'major' ones left, and they were both represented by non-playable things). And keep in mind, while I love obscure gems like Drill Dozer and Elite Beat Agents, I can completely understand while they weren't chosen to be playable, and why they probably never will. I look at all the character choices in Brawl, and pretty much every one represents something integral to Nintendo. It's probably harder to convince some kid why ROB or the Ice Climbers fit this bill, but they do. In a recent Dojo update, Sakurai mentioned how there seemed to be a large time gap between series represented in Brawl, and how Nintendo hasn't had that many titles in recent times that more or less work in Smash Bros. I laughed at the nerds taking this a sign that Nintendo is losing creativity or something along those lines, as those very same people almost always ignore the games I mentioned above. But I can see Sakurai's statement on two sides: good that Nintendo is branching out into new things, but I guess not so good if you love the character-based games of old. I guess that could go into another argument about how another reason there shouldn't be another SB is because they are moving away from making the types of games that support the series, but I won't.

So yeah, aside from the lack of possible new gameplay additions, I don't think they have many (or maybe any) characters they just HAVE to add into a future game. After Melee, there still were many characters that were just essential. Pit, Wario, Diddy, Meta Knight, Dedede...And guess what? They ALL got into Brawl. Hell, even SONIC, a character we all wanted but never expected, got in. After this...there just isn't anyone else who feels missing. And the side characters that keep getting mentioned by fans? Not essential at all. Also, I don't really accept the idea that more third parties lining up would solve this, as (1)they are entirely opportunist and thus don't have much chance of getting included and (2)having too many third party characters kind of dilutes the point of the game. As cool as finally getting Mario, Sonic, Mega Man, Pac Man, and what have you in the same game would be, it doesn't feel like it's a must for me.

On a slightly separate tangent, I can't help but feel partially responsible for spawning the terrible character cults and leading many online idiots to be disappointed in Brawl's final roster. As you may or may not have known, I was the one to tally up the number of character references in the very early Brawl 'give me suggestions and maybe I'll print'em!' deal. My numbers were referenced for long periods afterwards, and with each new character revealed (all belonging to the upper echelons of my list, and all of which were pretty obvious inclusions in any case), it gave several fans the idea that their favorite character was obvious. And then, after spending months talking about how awesome Ridley, Krystal, or Geno would be...you find out that they were relegated to non-playable roles, or in the case of Geno, not included at all. So to all you whiny freaks: I guess I'm kinda sorry.

So, lots of words to get two main points across: I don't want them to make anymore Smash Bros. games because there isn't any more essential features or characters they could add. I could have just posted this, but that would have saved you and me time.

"How about a DS Smash Bros.?" you may ask. Well, I'm not entirely for that either. No matter how they go about that, wouldn't it just end up being Brawl with less stuff? What would be the point, then? I know, the idea of portable Smash Bros. probably trumps any counterpoints, but I still don't support the idea. Maybe if they got the Jump Superstars guys to make a SB similar to their game, I could see more worth in it.

Speaking of new ideas, that's another thing I would be fine with them doing. Retire the Smash Bros. series and use the concept of bringing your favorite characters together in a different type of game. A puzzle game, a strategy RPG...as long as it's a genre I enjoy, seems good to me.

But as mentioned before, it's only been about a month. Maybe in another 5 years I'll change my tune. And then maybe I'll waste your time with another long winded essay about why I was wrong the first time. I'm weird that way.

High Octane!

It's feeling very close to Spring-like. I'm so haaaaaappy.

Just as a warning, my year-long Smash Bros. blog, having fulfilled it's purpose, will soon be converted to something else. Most of the original posts will be kept in the archive. As for the new one? Let's just say that all you people who loved reading my Brawl opinions will be very, very dissapointed.

That is all for now. I guess I could make fun of Kingdom Hearts' characters some more, but do you really want that? Have the wee children not suffered enough?

uh yeah

I think you know what's been going down lately. If any of you loyal readers would like to partake in some Smashing with yours truly, say so in the comments and we'll work something out.

What about those recent pics of the Watchmen movie (I don't feel like linking, and it's not it'll be hard for you top find them)? For the most part...they are okay. Rorschach, the Comedian, and Silk Spectre look as they should (albeit, how can one screw up the Rorschach design, short of turning it green and giving it a thousand belts or some stupid crap like that). Nite Owl...looks a little to Batman-ish for my tastes. Ozymandias' rubber costume is rather ridiculous. Just Doc Manhattan left to either make me wary or make me excited (I don't think I should avoid the movie, even if it does look underwhelming. Fanboy regulation, you see). No matter, though. The main obstacles for this being a successful adaptation is in the script.

Speaking of designs, I like to make of the fun of the characters in Kingdom Hearts. I played through the first one a while ago, had a decent time with it. but can understand why others didn't. No matter how much I like the game itself, though, the main characters are insanely insipid.

Sora would appear to be the conventional Square protagonist, if not for the clown shoes and penchant to be somewhat happy. Still, spiky hair? Check. Love interest with the personality of a stump? Check. Dull-haired rival with uninteresting motivations? Oh, I'm checking that twice. Speaking of which...

Riku: So boring, it'll be a challenge writing a full paragraph about him without falling asleep at the keyboard. He's not just a stock RPG character, he's a stock character in all forms of Japanese fiction. Why is that? Why must there always be one like him? At least give him like, red hair or something. Spice things up a bit.

And now...THE GIRLFRIEND. Aw, Kairi. For most of the first game, you were a vegetable. A vegetable both retarded protagonist and his secret butt buddy/rival/friend/villain/anti-hero/worthless character want to fuck, you can tell. Which is fairly disturbing on it's own. Except, it's not, because Kairi has as much personality in a coma that she does awake and alert. In fact, she may have more. At the very least, she serves a greater purpose during her coma as the human macguffin than she does any other time as the character nobody gives a damn about. Unfortunately, unlike her template Aeris, she doesn't get impaled at any point in the game.

So there's my rant about a 6-year-old game. Never played the sequel, didn't like the first one enough to really want to, TRON-inclusion aside. It introduced a bunch of black-robed characters, who I'm sure are developed studies of the human psyche. Or maybe one of them is basically anime Trapjaw.

So there you go, I deliver once again.

BOO BA BOM BOM BA BOM BOM BOM

Quick overview of Audiosurf: it is good. got the free demo, want more. Don't want to spend money. Probably will eventually.

Oh lord it's coming. So soon. The wait is finally over. I can finally die knowing I lived to have it.

(If you're a new reader and don't know what I'm talking about, a bloo bloo bloo for you then.)

I finally sent away my laptop. If they determine that it broke because I'm an idiot, however, they won't fix it for free. This is likely to happen.

I thought I was going to talk about something, but now I can't remember what it was.

Dead People

Well, not only did Roy Scheider die, so did Stever Gerber! 2008 is turning out to be a great year for no longer living.

I've been down with the sickness lately, but now I am better.

Also, it seems Joe Mathlete has returned to explaining today's Marmaduke. Quite excellent!

I guess I'm going to go see Rush in May. I like Rush. They are fine.

What is happening with my iTunes and the freezing and the not ejecting and the thing that WON'T WORK PROPERLY.

Less than a month for Smash Bros. BTW. Go visit my other blog for all the info! It is the shiznit, as they say.

2007: This Year in Youtubering

I'm trying to make a list of the most significant moments for me the past year, but that's proving harder than I thought. I'll be done before New Years, but to tide the time, here's a list of my favorite 25 Youtube videos. Now, I never said these were interesting, as some of them are full game speed runs, but they were the ones I have become addicted to or were addicted to. Plus, its easy to do.

This is dedicated to the Youtube channel that hosted most of my beloved arcade playthroughs, recently taken down. I shed a tear for you, Moffstarr ;_;

Here you go:

25)


24)


23)


22)


(I don't know, I really like the music. And it seems to be a pleasant enough game. I'm totally lame).

21)


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16)
Bastard won't let me embed

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4)
(Tie)



3)


2)


1)

Whaddya know..

Busy week. Finished off an important project that's been gnawing at me for months now (although there' still one more thing to be done...), I've been waiting with sweaty anticipation for Monday, and have turned my MUGEN folder nearly 1 Gig in size.

Maybe I can write some things this week. Maybe.

Edit: I will also be happily attending a White Stripes concert on the second of July.

I finally decided to do it...

There ya go.

Stuff...Smash Bros. stuff

I honestly hate regaling about my pet interests to those who could care less, even though I can seemingly get the most material out of it (kind of like how unimportant Wikipedia subjects have a higher word count than actual worthwhile stuff.) But it's going to happen, I guess, given the nature of the blog. Bah, screw it; I'll do what I want.

I already explained how lurking forums caused me to start thinking about Smash Bros. Brawl again, which I know will only make me want to play the damn game even though I know (and have known since last summer) that the game won't be out for months. Since I haven't done any 'idea-sharing' since the initial appearance at E3, I guess it won't hurt to go another round today.

If you've been paying attention to the more intricate details that have come up, the game's director has stated that "Some characters will disappear. Definitely." No other specifics were given, but it sure set the world ablaze. Anyway, if there are characters from Melee on the chopping block, here's who I think they are and in what order they should be considered for elimination:

1. Dr. Mario - If you played SSBM, you know that several characters in the game have attacks duplicated from another character. These characters were thrown in at the last minute in order to have a satisfactory character count even though they didn't have enough time to make whole new models for them. These 'clones', as they are called, are who the director may have been referring to for the most part when he made the above comment. Some of those clones, however, are important characters from their respective game series, so they are relatively safe and could possibly be revamped (another thing the director said would happen to the returning characters in the game).
Dr. Mario is not one of those characters. He's my favourite character in the last game, but he's terribly boring and pointless as a character choice. It was pointed out by our director friend on the Japanese Melee site that Doc was chosen so they could include the infectious theme song from the game. He's an easy loss.

2. Roy - Okay, unlike Doc, Roy is actually a unique character rather than just one of the other ones wearing a coat. But what renders Roy expendable is the fact that he is completely interchangeable with the hundreds of other Fire Emblem protagonists, many of whom come from much more popular iterations of the series. Marth is the original and the fan-favourite, but Roy only has his Smash Bros. appearance to make him recognizable to the masses.

3. Pichu - Another clone, whose appearance in Melee was mostly due to the Silver/Gold/Crystal versions of Pokemon still being in the public conscious. Without being a tie-in, he's really not much more than just a slightly smaller Pikachu with a cuter voice. Cuteness doesn't cut it much anymore, I'm afraid.

4. Young Link - What throws the kid elf down a few ranks is the fact that he can revamped into the Young Link from The Wind Waker, complete with some new moves to separate him from the adult version and having the cel-shaded style to make him stand out. Otherwise, there's no reason to keep him around.

5. Sheik - The favourite of the tournament players is also pretty likely to get tossed. Why? She's not a clone or boring character, and adds a cool concept to the game. Well, that is true, but what else is true is that if Zelda ends up in the game, she'll have her Twilight Princess appearance. And if they base her on that game, it doesn't make much sense that they'll include something she only did in Ocarina of Time.
This isn't a completely bullet-proof theory, though. Generally, Link in Smash Bros. is supposed to be Link IN GENERAL, pulling abilities that appear throughout the various games in the series rather than whatever one his appearance is based upon. The same could very well be true of Zelda.
However, it has been noted that Zero-Suit Samus shares some aspects with Sheik, and could in fact be a 'replacement'. It's possible, but I hope that Samus/ZSSamus don't switch in the exact same method (mainly because that isn't very creative, but also because I find that it doesn't make such sense). The 'under certain conditions' comment on her official profile, however, gives me hope.

6. Falco - This guy has the 'fan favourite' and 'important' shields, but how good are they? Star Fox fans clamour for more characters, which is why Falco was in Melee in the first place, but if someone like furry wet dream Krystal get in, does Falco really have much of a point? You'd really need to reach to make him unique (although some have suggested that he should become the Luigi to Fox's Mario, which makes sense). He's also my 3rd favourite character in Melee. I'm conflicted here.

7. Ice Climbers - I don't WANT them to go, because they are fun characters with a unique concept. They were originally chosen to represent early NES titles over characters from Balloon Fight, Urban Champion, and Excitebike because of this concept. But...I dunno, out of all the non-clone, non-transformation characters in the game, they seem to be the odd out.
And no, they haven't already been cut. That's a bullshit rumour that is also seriously old and disproved a billion different times.

That's about it. You may have noticed that I didn't include Mr. Game & Watch. That is because Mr. Game & Watch is too awesome to be removed and represents a part of Nintendo's history, moreso than the rest of these guys. People who think he should be cut deserve a kidney punch.

Now, if only I could put this much detail into a political rant...

I'm fed up and explaining my view in a concise manner

Since GDC, I've been browsing the Smash Bros. forums looking for whiny reactions (I guess I find Internet Rage funny...which I do!) Unfortunately, this has got me thinking about the game again, which I didn't want to do until new info came out...gaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I have found some whining, the same kind of whining that's been there for a while, about how long it's been since the last time we got info about the game.

Those grating, often malformed excuses for English sentences got me thinking, and now I've reached this conclusion:

Since we've had two teaser trailers already, I'd much rather they work on the game until they can show something that is as close as possible to the final build. I honestly believe I will be far more satisfied with a huge update that required waiting than a bunch of small updates scattered over shorter periods. You may not believe me now, but come back when it comes.

E3 seems plausible for this, and I expect most of the need-to-know stuff will come from it. However, since it is on July 11 to 13 (around 120 days away), I actually expect new info to arrive before then. Within the next three months, we will get something. I guarantee it.

The game itself will be released sometime between August and December.

Enough of my obsessions for today.

My Bestest of 2006

Well, 2006 is going out the door. Things happened this year, that's for sure. Some things never change, though: I drank a lot of slurpees, wrote some crap, didn't write some crap, and Grant Morrison still rocks the house a million times over. Anyways, for entertainment purposes, here's the highlights of the year in my perspective:

Best Internet Thread: "Snakes on a Blame" at CHUD's main forum section
Lots of candidates for this, most of whom I completely forget. Even so, this one stuck out.
Firstly, the CHUD forums are an awesome place to lurk. Lots of serious discussion by big movie lovers, and it's fascinating. It's also hilarious when a dumbass is detected, as the regulars shred into them like you wouldn't believe. I'll probably never post there, partially because I don't see enough movies, but also because I'm afraid of making myself look like a moron in front of those posters out of fear and respect.
Secondly, I really wasn't much of a SoAP hater, although I probably could have been if I tried more (two of my friends were particularly into the whole thing, thus I had some justification). CHUD was full of people who laughed when it first came out, but was soon very disgusted by the cult mentality of the rest of the Internet. And it all boils over in here, with the one poster recieveing a nasty lashing.
(Note: This is for reading purposes only. If you decide to necro it and post your own take like a dumbass, don't even think of refering back to me.)

Weirdest Internet Thread: "Why Cars will suck" also at the CHUD forums
Sweet christ, the fact that someone spent all that time to make this...I doubt I'll ever see anything like it again. Not that I want to.

Best New Album: Beck's The Information
I didn't exactly listen to alot of new-at-the-time albums in 2006, but now I'm in the groove (and thus, you'll get full reviews of Modest Mouse and The Arcade Fire's new albums as soon as they come out next year), but I did listen to quite a bit of Beck, and The Information probably ranks as my favorite Beck album. I guess I'm kinda weird that way.

Best Old Album: Brian Wilson's Smile
Finally got around to listening to this one, and boy does it kick ass. Every song is so wonderfully bright and cheery (even the scary-sounding ones), and they all flow together perfectly. It's a great album, and required listening for all human kind.

Best Luck: Me
Because I was finally able to find a copy of Astro Boy: Omega Factor for the GBA and the Space Ghost: Coasto Coast Volume 3 DVD. Suck it.

Best person, real or fictional: Detective Chimp
How could you not agree? He's Detective Chimp.


Stupidest Idiot: OJ Simpson
Seriously.

Best Comic Book: Nextwave
"Father Blood Drench Robo Crush has something in his lens..."

Best Old Game: Actraiser
I found it, played through it, saw through it's "I'm The Master, definetly not any sort of God..." facade, and had a helluva good time.

Best New Game: ....
Everyone wants me to say Zelda, and I will, just becuase it'll put me in the popular clique. But I enjoyed many games this year, and I can't think of which one to choose. Eh.

Best Website: Uncyclopedia.org
Haven't found something as consistently entertaining for a long time.

Best Blog: If Destroyed
Lots of interesting reads here. Paul O'Brien's other site, The X-Axis, is also essential reading.

Best Piece of Matter: Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Yeah, this is the best of the year, most definetly. I've waited a long time for the new Smash Bros. to be announced, and it was, and it was good. I am heavily anticipating the release of the game, if you can't tell. The day it comes out, I will finally be able to rest in peace. After playing it non-stop for a few months, of course.

Let's see those videos again:











and finally....

Best Piece of Anti-Matter: Owlman

Because he's the goddamn Owlman.

In conclusion, 2006 rocked, but I am looking forward to the new year. However, what would I do if I wasn't looking forward to the new year? Use a time machine to relive the past year over and over again? Kill myself? Kill someone else? Get another slurpee? I like that last one.

Okay, it's here.

Better Quality.

Now reactions:
-All the characters are looking really, really cool. Wario's weirdass movements amuse me. Meta-Knight does the same old slashing routine. Pit looks cool, and I think I notice his toga alot more now. Zero Suit Samus looks fun. Snake blew someone's foot up with a rocket launcher. That's just plain awesome.

-Yeah, so Fox is in the game. We concluded that a while ago, but it's still nice to see his appearance in-game.

-The stages are absolutely brilliant. I've been waiting for stages based on Mario Kart and Yoshi's Island(one of my favorite games ever) for a long time, and they are captured PERFECTLY(I like the day/night and seasonal changes on YI). Pit's stage, in all it's destructable glory, looks like another winner. Didn't see a whole lot of Shadow Moses or Pokemon Stadium, but it's good to know they're there. And the Star Fox stage is really, really pretty. The stages here seem kinda basic, but I lurvvvvs the flavor.

-It looks like characters can crawl now (see Snake, Pikachu, and Wario's backwards scuttle).

Happy Halloween

From me. Hope the candy is good and the undead rise to breakdance.

Also:
:)

Mad Monkey MONDAY: Super Monkey Brawl

Yes, Mad Monkey Day has been moved to something more acronym-friendly. Blame it on trying something new, and lazieness.

Now, for this weeks MMM, I present to you the 5 best Nintendo monkeys who could appear in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Who will join Donkey Kong in the inevitable monkey conquest?

1. Diddy Kong

DK's sidekick from the Donkey Kong Country games. Pretty damn likely at this point.

2. Donkey Kong Junior

Mini-monkey who starred in his own arcade game where he saved papa DK from that punk Mario. Screw Rare's retcons, this monkey is not the current DK!

3. Dixie Kong

Simian sidekick to Diddy with a mean ponytail. The idea that she could be paired with Diddy as a manic monkey mob is not my first choice, but it could be something cool.

4. Salsa

One of the several playable characters in Mother 3, the why-the-Hell-hasn't-this-come-here-yet sequel to Earthbound.

5. Detective Chimp

Okay, not really. I just like throwing Detective Chimp on my blog as much as possible. "Everyone sucks but me!"

Real 5. Fire Monkey from Pokemon Diamond & Pearl

The monkey has fire...on HIS ASS! To Hell with Charmander, you can't find a better Fire starter than this one. I don't feel the need to find it's real name.

Runners-Up:
The baboon featured in the Zelda: Twilight Princess demos.
Ukiki, the hat-stealing bastard from Super Mario 64.
Swanky Kong, because he's a game show monkey.
Goku, the star of Nintendo's Yuu Yuu Ki, the Japanese-only NES adaptation of the ancient Asian folk tale of the monkey king(not the DBZ guy)

3rd Party monkey of choice:
AiAi from Super Monkey Ball

Nothing

There comes a time when you realize that you very little to say anymore. Yes, that is my excuse for not updating for a good week. I have been doing very few other things, and during these long, beautiful summer days, it's particularly frustrating. But you gotta take what life gives you, and if you don't like it, you crumple it up and throw it back at life. This may make life, mad, so be ready torun the opposite direction as fast as possible.

I recently purchased a used copy of the SNES classic Actraiser, and was actually planning on writing an article about it. When I went down to the keyboard to type it out...gone. All inspiration vanished. Jokes about God hating cacti and that stupid-ass kid Teddy was all that I could think of, and that's from a good piece. Maybe I will revisit Actraiser one day, when I have a good idea. It would be like my Christmas and Birthday presents to you, the readers.

I really wish there was some way to block Super Smash Bros. out of my mind for the next couple months. All this brainstorming and anticipation is killing me.

Oh for the love of Christ...

This is one of the reasons I think leaving no SSBB info until much later is not a very good thing.

I mean, leave the fans out to dry and the most utterly, mindboggingly awful speculation comes to pass.

Dear lord, for the announcement of a '4th villain' in Spider-Man 3, I'm going to have to take this crap in that sector, too.

Eh, I gotta short story idea I want to write. Nothing will come to fruition from it (because that's how I operate: I get an idea, want to write it down, and then it just fizzles), but atleast I can say I tried.