Monday, January 29, 2007

Daily Grind: 1/29/07

I'm struggling to bring you content. FURIOUSLY STRUGGLING FOR THE BETTERMENT OF MANKIND. STRUGGLE. FOR. THE. FUTURE.

I bought some gum today. It's Bubblicious, which I haven't had for a while. It's also supposedly cotton candy flavored, although it tastes more like the kinds of marshmallow bits that come in cereals. It's okay, but the marshmallows taste alot better combined with IRISH OATS.

I downloaded Contra III for my Wii today. It has reminded me a very important thing in life, a thing I may have forgotten while exiting my youth: Contra games live to kick your ass. A lot.

As you move your soldier guy to the right, you are bombarded by enemy suckers. But they take only one shot, and you have a spreadgun. Clearly the advantage is yours. But your arrogance will be your downfall, for you too have only one hit to live by.

And in a hailfire of baseball-sized glowing orbs of pure DEATH, your body will have it's digital life stripped from it in only seconds. The bogeys who seemed so simple on first encounter suddenly swarm around you, becoming too much for even 'roided future commandos to bear. And then, when it looks like the coast is clear, you get killed by a mutant dog lurking in the background. Game Over, man, GAME FUCKING OVER.

Only the strong, the proud, the few make it to the end. And what lies at the end? A giant, vomiting turtle monster.

Oh, the horror, the horror.

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2 Comments:

At 1:51 PM, Anonymous Judy! said...

Man, I cant play that game. I'll die for real. I downloaded Mario Kart 64 but MK games require drifting these days..

 
At 1:51 PM, Anonymous Judy! said...

Man, I cant play that game. I'll die for real. I downloaded Mario Kart 64 but MK games require drifting these days..

 

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