Dancing Robot

KAZAAAA

2009-08-30T23:38:00.001-05:00

The End

2009-08-08T12:39:00.002-05:00

Welp, that didn't take long.

Having been impressed by Wordpress' features, I will now be permanently moving over there. I've had a good run here, and I hope to keep this thing up so we can all go back to these days and reminisce.

My new blog is here. Godspeed, everyone!

BIG

2009-08-06T14:48:00.003-05:00

I've had this blog for nearly 4 years. I am impressed; I usually doubt my ability to stay interested in projects, even something as simple as this.

BUT, I feel it may be time for a change. Which is why, at the moment, I am experimenting with Wordpress, just to see what can be done with it and if it provides a better overall experience than the perfectly adequate one I've had on Blogger. If I like it enough, I may move over there permanently, combining this and Chamber of Dread posts into one blog. If that happens, I'll link it up here. If I can figure out this shit, maybe I can even move the posts from here over there. We'll see.

So, that's my excuse for the lack of posts in coming weeks. Not that I've ever needed one, but there it is anyhow.

Magic America

2009-08-03T00:13:00.002-05:00

I'm so happy now. My room has room (finally) with this new set-up I just bought; I've finally figured out how to turn off the annoying power on/off noise on my phone; I've gone somewhere; and everything is A-OK.

While in Winnipeg last week, I went into a Costco for the first time. My god, it's like that mega mart from The Simpsons, only real. It's an ugly-as-fuck warehouse with little to no organization at all - in essence, a chaotic mess of oversized products. Some of the prices on these huge-ass things are okay, but even when confronted with the best deal, you must consider that you have to pay AT LEAST $40 a year in order to shop there, which is just fucking weird (the different levels of membership even have different store hours. It's like we're living in India). The store I went to even had a little restaurant/stand thing, which served everything and did not require a membership to go to (it's basically its own entity).
The thing isn't as frightening as a Super Wal-Mart, but there's definitely something ugly about it. Unless you really need to have 20+ packs of toilet paper, 32-pack drinks, child-sized bags of chips, or any of the other pointless things...I don't see any real need to shop there. And like hell would I buy a computer or iPod at a horrible warehouse store.

CONSUMERISM TODAY.

Right

2009-07-24T11:35:00.002-05:00

Last night's dream seems to be a rehash of another dream I had recently, in which I am at work and have to hide in the back. The reason for this is that apparently some sort of important monarchical figure is there, and he's my exact double (I think). Why I was the one who needed to hide is not known, although I'm sure my dream logic included a villainous uncle or duke or something.
Also in the dream: missing the bus downtown, visiting an Oktoberfest-style event in the back of the store, and the dairy cooler being cleaned and flooded.

You know what I realized? All these generic stories involving troubles with royal succession and evil jerks trying to take over whatever...none of these problems would exist if these magical kingdoms embraced democracy. Let's see Jafar try to take over the land when he has to get on the good side of special interest groups!

Because

2009-07-24T00:27:00.002-05:00

This is something that must be done. That is, me ranking all of Beck's major studio albums in order of preference! I can do this, because I've actually listened to them enough to form coherent thoughts about them.

1. Sea Change
2. Mutations
3. Midnite Vultures
4. Odelay
5. Guero
6. The Information
7. Modern Guilt
8. Mellow Gold

One could accuse me of picking Sea Change as my favorite because everyone else does, and to that I say nay. Divorced of most of his defining elements, Beck really shows his raw talent on it, and that's what I come for. Nearly every song on the album is affecting in ways few others I've listened to have been (with 'Lonesome Tears' and 'Guess I'm Doing Fine' being my two picks of the best examples), with every element coming together to create this really downtrodden atmosphere (yes, Beck wore IRL on his sleeve for this one, as I'm sure you've heard). So yes, beyond the natter of the music opinion elite, its a great fucking album.

Mutations is a lot more like Sea Change than bith the albums surrounding it, in that many of the songs rely on Beck's pure instrumental and lyrical talent, but it's not too far into melancholy or tradition. You got 'Tropicalia', which is a nutso piece composed of 7000 instruments like Beck's 'party album' stuff and is pretty much on par with his greats, alongside more restrained tracks like 'Nobody's Fault But My Own'. You even get something really twangy with 'Canceled Check'. It's pretty much all of Beck's strengths compiled into one incredibly cohesive album, which is a feat unto itself.

There might be some debate about whether Midnite Vultures or Odelay is the better of Beck's most 'Beck' albums. To be truthful, Odelay has most of Beck's most memorable songs, but I think overall it doesn't quite come together as well as Midnite Vultures, which is an insane album that never lets up. Both are great and essential albums. Whoever called Midnite Vultures one of the worst albums ever (it will be on Wikipedia, but I don't feel like looking up who it was) can die.

Guero was a return to form after the radical departure of Sea Change, and like Odelay/Midnite Vultures, it is just an all-around fun album to listen to. There isn't a weak track on here; everything is able to keep up the funky beat. I can see why this was the first Beck album in a while that seemed to have a more mainstream presence ('E-Pro' has been all over the place, I've noticed), because hey, even people who aren't into alt-rock can enjoy stuff like this.

The Information is kind of like Mutations with more of standard Beck thrown in. It's very weird, going from some lower-key stuff early on (especially 'Think I'm in Love', one of the album's best songs) to upbeat oddities like 'Cellphone's Dead' and 'Nausea', and gets even weirder at the end. Some of that later stuff doesn't sit as well with me, but overall I still really like it.

My first listen-through of Modern Guilt wasn't too great - I thought the whole thing felt a bit dry. Further listens softened my initial reaction, as I was suddenly able to pick out some of the really good tracks ('Chemtrails', 'Volcano', 'Youthless'). In the end, it has more good more than not-good, but it doesn't have much in the way of great material. It is a slightly weaker album, all things considered, but that doesn't deter me from liking it.

Mellow Gold, on the other hand, I really can't get into. 'Loser' is still as great as it always was, and there's a couple more good songs on here like 'Pay No Mind (Snoozer)'. But this seems like a learning experience for Beck, and some of the songs feel a little too twee and odd-but-not-in-the-good-way. This is basically an early prototype for Odelay, and I don't think it is essential listening unless you're a completist.

Something

2009-07-21T21:15:00.003-05:00

I see people who want to buy/have bought of the Watchmen motion comic, and I honestly wonder WHY. I have come up with the following theories:

1) They are big fans of the old Marvel Superhero 'cartoons' ("The ever-lovin' Hulk! Hulk! Hulk!")

2) They have a secret love of Reading Rainbow, but feel they must watch something slightly more mature in order to avoid possible public embarrassment.

3) They are collectors who will buy anything branded with a name. In which case, they deserve to have their money siphoned away.

4) They are lazy-asses who can't even read a damn comic.

5) They honestly think this will be a different experience from reading the comic. Whether they came to this conclusion through ignorance or marketing trickery may vary from person to person.

*************************

You know what I've figured out? The reason most of the Mega Man bosses are so memorable is because they were originally designed by children. Only children have the imagination to come with things so entertainingly simple (I mean, Heat Man is a zippo, that's pretty inspired). I mean, the guys at Capcom ultimately put the designs through their redrawing/standardization process, but they are smart enough to let the original child-like 'feel' of the characters shine through.

As someone who still likes drawing robots, it is something hard to capture in my age.

**************************

Oh yeah, last issue of Planetary is out in October. The last full book might make it in March of next year, if Amazon's prediction (they had the date up before the release of the last issue of announced) comes true.

Already Dead

2009-07-20T01:33:00.003-05:00

It wasn't that long ago that I was complaining that there was no one to talk to online about TMNT: Smash Up. Now that I've seen both major communities devoted to the game, I want to go back to being alone. This is how my standards work.

I can't sleep because it's too hot in here. I have two fans on and a window cracked open and I'm still too hot. This is the downside of summer.

The upside of summer: I'm not too cold.

Just now I'm reading the comments to this, and it got me a-thinkin', about the omnipresent concept of 'dumb fun'.

Dumb fun does, in fact, exist, and it is completely alright. The problem, especially today (and especially considering the material discussed in the post, IE modern superhero comic events), is that they're almost uniformly all dumb and no fun. Postmodern audience awareness has made it so that silliness is now a detriment, and unfortunately that also has a negative effect on creativity. Plus, everyone now thinks they're a genius, and especially in the case of mainstream superhero comics, they are serious writers writing serious literature, even if that serious literature involves zombie Green Lanterns.
So, really, dumb fun is dead, or at least in hiding. In its place is dumb plodding self-aggrandizing tedium.

ANIMALS...?

2009-07-16T16:20:00.002-05:00

You know what I love? The sudden appearance of unidentified black goo. Take that, Alaska!

Also, just for fun: The amazing lizard that swims in sand. Lizards have a good track record for being neat, it seems.

Satellites

2009-07-16T16:11:00.003-05:00

While browsing Planet Simpson again, I found the exchange on the show that best displays what I think of other nerds:

Comic Book Guy: Last night's "Itchy & Scratchy" was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
Bart: Hey, I know it wasn't great, but what right do you have to complain?
Comic Book Guy: As a loyal viewer, I feel they owe me.
Bart: What? They're giving you thousands of hours of entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe you? If anything, you owe them.
Comic Book Guy: [pauses] Worst episode ever.

(From "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show")

Cinderland

2009-07-05T22:49:00.002-05:00

Hey, I got sunburns on my arms. Fuck you.

I started a book! Hopefully I can finish it.

I also started playing Ogre Battle recently. I quite like it still, and its good to play a strategy-RPG that doesn't follow the FF Tactics mold, while still maintaining the customization aspect that makes me go OCD. It's a different kind of strategy involved, too - almost reminds of a board/card game-style game.
I am running into some problems, though. One, and this is an issue I didn't really have any time I played this before, but I am finding that managing some of those little factors can be very stressful. Stuff like Alignment and Reputation can be screwed up quickly and shut you out of various game options (especially classes, AND ESPECIALLY female unit classes, of which you have little choice in). On one hand, it's a neat balancing idea - it discourages players from making one unit too strong and just plowing through the game, although you can still do that. But one thing can lead to another, and now many of my units that would need high alignment to upgrade are not there yet, and my reputation is rock-bottom and I have no idea how to get it back up. Oh well.

That's Not Me

2009-06-29T00:54:00.005-05:00

A narcissistic aside: My message board alter ego is mentioned on this lovely 1UP.com podcast featuring lovely 1UP people (that's 6/22/2009), at about 25 minutes in (but you can wait while the good folks talk about other things, surely?). The ribbing I got I will take like a man.

So, with death in the news recently, I really must ask: when it comes to well-known people biting it, which was a better: this month, or this time last year?

June 2009 leads in sheer volume: David Carradine kills himself while jerking off to start off the summer, and then Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and now Billy Mays (why is he mentioned alongside everyone else? Fuck if I know) all expire within days of each other. There really is no competition here.

But what about in quality? This designation is a bit more contentious. June 2008 had the deaths of three giants: Bo Diddley, George Carlin, and Stan Winston (he is a major figure for nerds, you see). The major ones, BD and Carlin, I'd say at least come close to equaling the entirety of this month's stiffs, they being examples of superior human beings. Sure, a lot more people are probably sad to see Jackson or McMahon go (and not to diminish the work of either, although Jackson was far far far far far far past his prime), but my personal bias (and objective fact) say that last year's stiffs can edge 'em out. Note: Billy Mays is a non-factor.

How about the shock factor? This also gives the edge to this month, because the thing about last year was that, while losing those people was incredibly sad, they were all old, and its not like we don't think anyone past 70 isn't as good as dead (Winston is the exception). So, while McMahon falls under this, the rest of them were still unexpected. Bonus points for Carradine's bizarre wanking death in Bangkok, of all places.

My decision? Well, most of the facts point to this month being the better of the two months worth of deaths, but my own personal opinions still point me in favour of last year. Surely, that is what will determine it for most people. Who can stay objective in a field such as this?

Nobody's Fault But My Own

2009-06-24T23:02:00.003-05:00

Here's something that's been nagging at me: Am I mean online for no reason?

Just as a preface, I can tell you straight away that my online 'voice' is not really much like my real 'voice'. Shocking, I know. As far as I can tell, my voice is based on my main sources of reading, which is very acerbic and opinionated, as well as prone to non sequiturs. While the non sequitur part is recognizably me, I can say that the rest only exists within my everyday speech as vague attempts, which I am prone to stumble over (much like everything else). Since online writing gives me more time to think over my words, it ends up sounding a lot cleaner than IRL.

In conclusion, I am a lot more caustic online than I am in real life. Is this the dreaded anonymity protection concept, where I feel free to be an asshole because it lacks real consequences? It is a definite possibility, I must say. Then again, I don't think I've ever had a real forum where I could speak of the same things - but, that could be because I just avoid them, out of fear. I try to assert myself when the opportunity pops up, but I'm still not sure its on the same level as I do in an online discussion. So I am not discounting that solution, it being one of the obvious ones. But there's got to be something more to it, surely? I still have some level of caution that makes it so even the great anonymity shield isn't enough to make me feel safe to express myself all of tume. So what other reasons could there be?

It could be that I am raging against the world I see, whether or not an it's appropriate setting for that rage. I know a lot of people say they think everything kinda sucks now, but I have come to observe many things that do really infuriate me on some level, to the point that even mild cases get me riled up. So I might be mean because I am just SO FUCKING MAD. But really, I don't think I am, at least not all the time. I mean, when it comes to certain issues (for example, my hatred of rampant proud ignorance that is, like fear-free posting, a trademark of online discussion) it really gets me in righteous fury mode, but in the smaller cases, is it really justified? Am I just making up an issue so I can get mad about it? I'd say that's a possibility, too.

At this point, I can say that I have answered my initial question. I am not mean online for no reason: I am mean online (possibly) because (a)I read a lot of things that are mean online and emulate them, (b)I feel free to be mean online because wheeeee nothing is gonna stop me, and (c)I have things that get me mad, and I sometimes carry that sense of anger into all sorts of conversations. Well, that's the one side of the 'why'; the psychological half. But what about the practical half? Is there really any reason for me to be mean online? What does it get me?

A lot of my reads grapple with this question as well. After all, as the tired cliche goes, you catch more dopes with free food than a punch in the face. But do I really want to 'catch' them? Do I really go out to convert a ton of people to my 'side'? I think that's the crux of the practicality argument, and this is where I really disagree with it.

A lot of people think that you're never going to educate anyone by being snarky. But is that really true? For one, addressing an issue on a more emotional level can grab attention, and I'd say that's a pretty essential step in a persuasive argument. That's huckstering tactics used often by the lowest of the low, I know, but I can't say it doesn't work. Second, going for an emotional response has a greater chance of getting the audience to know the issue at hand, which is ALSO an important part of a persuasive argument. It doesn't matter if they like me, or what my take is, but if they get the IDEA, that's a good thing, and even better if (even if only for a short while) I get the person to really take that idea and think about what it means. To paraphrase Alan Moore (to a considerable degree): I don't care if they agree with me, as long as they think about what I say.

But, one may ask, wouldn't the anger bit get in the way of that goal? If someone just sees you as a ranting, opinionated jackass, won't they just ignore what you have to say completely? Yes, more than likely, that will happen. Just look at PETA, who are so completely out there that any legitimate issues they may have (and they do have some) are completely smothered by provocation. On the other hand, going completely neutral on a subject likely won't get you anywhere as well, as people will just gloss over the entire thing like a weather report. It's a difficult task figuring out what level of ferocity is needed to attract attention without making you the spectacle rather than the issue.

On a more personal note, I don't like the argument because I don't think I should water down who I am and what I believe just so I can be appealing. I mean, we're all bound to do that, as it comes naturally, I think. But, especially when dealing with something very important to me, asking me to not actually share my opinions just feels wrong. I am intelligent enough to know when to apply temperance, and I am completely willing to use trial-and-error to figure out how to do this right, so don't be telling ME what's the right way to get MY views across. Not only that, but do you really think I'm less likely to engage an audience by showing how something really makes me feel (and thus allowing them to see what the weight of the topic might be) instead of treating the argument like some hashed-together high school science project, or compromising my view to such a degree that it loses all impact, and goes for the tiny and easier victories over the more difficult and important ones? I know the people who want the mean guys to tone it down often have good intentions, but good intentions don't always lead to good results.

In the end, I am more willing to stay myself and be able to reach a few than I am to compromise and have a vague hope that I've reached more. I want people to know what I think, that I'm not afraid to say what I think, and that I want them to know why I think that way. If that makes me come across as mean, spiteful, ranting, crazy, whatever...so be it. If that causes a few to ignore me completely, so be it (chances are they are just as convinced of their position as I am of mine, so trying to preach to them them is about as worthless as preaching to the choir). I refuse to constantly play nice so that I can possibly score a few more points. It's just not who I am (online...and hopefully offline as well).

Mutilated Lips

2009-06-22T15:43:00.002-05:00

I find this amusing.

This may also be a challenge to my friends, BTW.

Movie Theme

2009-06-21T00:25:00.002-05:00

You know what I haven't done in a while? Made a post that just linked to something amusing, a standard among blogs. Guess what I'm not going to be doing. Come on, guess.

I like summer. I like warm weather, and the outdoors being inviting. You know what I don't like, though? Constant, creeping heat. I've tried many things to get my room to cool down a tad, none of them working. I'm very picky, as you can see: I like heat, but only when it's working FOR me.

The End

2009-06-12T22:25:00.004-05:00

You don't actually want me to talk about video games, do you? Good, because I won't. I'll take about tabletop games instead.

I've been reading card game rules for a while now, trying to find the intricacies of the game mechanics. The best ones always have that one ingenious thing about them, stuff like Lord of The Rings' Free Peoples/Shadow concept, or Doomtown's poker hand decisions, or even Shadowfist's general chaotic atmosphere. You don't necessarily need a great innovative mechanic to make your game good, but it does mean games of the 'Russian fist fighting' variety need to really try hard to be interesting. And some have: I mean, Magic did it, and Raw Deal did it. And for the unpretentious, there have been a few successful bare-bones games, like Pokemon. But the challenge is trying to make it seem like a game of its own, and not just a rehash of another game, or even worse, a game you could easily make just using a deck of playing cards.

As an example: one of the newer games on the block (and one with an innovative distribution method, something for game publishers to consider in modern times), Decipher's Fight Klub falls into RFF. How does it fair? It does have some interesting elements to it (some of them borrowed from Decipher's other games, even the names), and it is obviously going for the Raw Deal style. I can't say its the greatest game ever (or that it really lends itself to new ideas being implemented), but it should be enjoyable for those who pick it up, and I guess it works well with the new sale model it's trying. My only other complaint would be that the cards look like a photoshopped mess at times...a real shame considering the high quality of Decipher's card design in the past.

Little Wonder

2009-06-06T01:29:00.002-05:00

I know I don't need to say this, but online nerd communities need to stop finding and overusing dumb buzzwords.

The current target of my ire is the term 'IP'. When online game nerds use the term 'IP', they are referring to a game or game series. They will often use this when they talk about a game company creating new games or series. For example: "I was hoping Nintendo would reveal some new IPs at E3 this year". This term is idiotic.

Now, I don't know exactly where it originated, but chances it came from the mouth of a PR hack, like most buzzwords (for example 'casual/core', another one that gets my goat)and was picked up by gamers. So it is a marketing term, and for whatever reason gamers latch onto marketing terms. That by itself is reason enough to hate its usage: as a symbol of our continuing spiral into pure consumer horror.

In a marketing sense, it makes sense to a degree. To the people making money, acquiring copyrights (the 'Intellectual Property') is a good business decision, especially now that past experience has shown them that they need to viciously stake their creative claims for good, lest they end up like that Lovercraft fellow (Did you know any Joe Moron on the street can write books about Hastur and the man and/or his estate wouldn't get a penny? MONSTROUS!) But game nerds aren't the people who make money off of copyrights, so why would they adopt the lingo? Even worse, using a term like 'IP' to describe creative output makes it sound a lot more...soulless. They may, in the end, be consumer products, but the people who put their time and effort into making them deserve some sort of respect...most of the time.

Besides, I thought gamers wanted their hobby to be treated as art (I'm not one of them, for your information)? You don't see people describing the latest books an author's 'IP', nor do you see movie studios 'creating new IPs'. Even the most hacked-out works get some level of respect on the artistic level. So why can't games?

Of course, I completely overlook the fact that the term is short and catchy, and hey if everyone else is doing it...You know, the reasons why things become common slang. And why do I care so much? I can't answer that; I honestly don't know my own motives.

I'm just a bitter person. That is all.

One After 909

2009-06-04T23:23:00.002-05:00

I'll write something big about videogames when I feel like it.

I am sort of a repeated viewer of the Law & Order series. I remember that, not long ago, I wouldn't miss a single nightly rerun of the original series. And off and on, I will catch parts of the spin-offs. Oh lordy, the spin-offs.

I don't have much to say about Criminal Intent, as I watch it the least of the three, although the main cop (who is essentially a dumber version of Columbo) sticks with me for some reason. SVU is a whole other thing, though. It basically takes the L&O formula and never rests until there are at least a dozen insane plot twists during the hour. It's shit that MUST BE STACKED FOREVER.

The last episode I watched just kept changing directions for no reason whatsoever. First, we got the case, but oh no there's more to it! Than there's even more to it! Than this plot line comes in out of nowhere! And look, just to end it off, we got one more surprise! Combined with the generally preachy and hysterical nature of the 'ripped from the headline' approach generally gives it, and we got a show that is hilariously dumb, but never really boring, despite following formula to a T. And if that wasn't enough, we also have Ice-T getting in witty one-liners, when he's not going insane.

Consider this another guilty pleasure.

Over

2009-05-31T20:54:00.004-05:00

Another year, another gaming convention. It's unfortunate my last game was canceled, but oh well. I tried some new things and some old things, and generally had a good time.

Oh, and just for fun, I'm going to list my ten favorite games I've played over my 9 years of conventioning.

10.Apples to Apples
9.Clay-o-Rama
8.Wrasslin'
7.Corruption
6.Cosmic Encounter
5.Munchkin
4.Illuminati
3.Toon
2.Talisman
1.Super Giant Monster Showdown

Record

2009-05-25T23:50:00.004-05:00

Hurray for a week of new computer!

So this week is the annual gaming convention. I'm pumped for some Munchkin action, man! PUMPED.

And then next week is E3 2009: Return of the Nerd Circus. My new rule states that I am to expect nothing, preventing disappointment and increasing surprise. I'm going to stick to that. I will, though, be very very surprised if Nintendo announces a new Zelda. I have my reasons for this.

I was thinking of possibly doing one of those posts where people list music they listen to with a theme. I was going to post about the music I associated with the last few years. But then I realized that there were large gaps. Oh well, here's two of them:

2005: Monkey Gone to Heaven - The Pixies
2008: Friends - Ween

Crunch...Animals!

2009-05-20T23:15:00.002-05:00

I finally got Punch-Out!! I'm enjoying it so far, even though the great land of Frustration is once again in my presence. Seriously, fuck you Bald Bull. But I was able to get to the Title Defense mode at this point, which means I'm on my way!

After watching several videos on evolution, I started looking through the lists of prehistoric animals. One has caught my eye so far - Doedicurus, a relative of the Glyptodon, AKA big-ass armadillos. I love armadillos, I consider them one of my favourite animals. So, knowing that at some point in history a giant armadillo with a spiked club tail existed tickles my fancy. Eheeheehee.

DR.E.A.M

2009-05-11T23:47:00.002-05:00

This has probably waited too long, so not every detail is clear and thus it is less entertaining.

The dream took place at work...or at least a grocery store very similar to it. It actually kind of looked like IGA at times...anyway, the main thrust of it was that the last episode of a TV show I liked, which I'm pretty sure was Sealab 2021 (which is funny, because that show ended about two years ago). There were TVs strewn about on the racks that I used to watch it...and it didn't look much like Sealab, to be honest. There was something else about it, too, that made it a must-see for me, although I can't remember what that was, exactly.
I also wandered the store, finding dream strangeness about. No specific examples of it that I can remember. See, I told you waiting so long has sucked all the fun out of this.

But yeah, first new 'major' dream in a while.

Prediction + Health Update

2009-05-06T21:07:00.002-05:00

I seem to be getting sick again. Maybe it's the H1N1 virus (man, what a 133t name). There has been one reported case around here. Of course, it was in a child from a school I haven't been to since grade 8, so unless it's diffused into the populace at a much more rapid rate than health officials knew, that seems unlikely. More likely I'm coming down with a common disease. It feels like the same shit I got last fall. Which wouldn't be too good, because that sick time sucked, but it still better than OMG FORIN PANDEMIC.

***************************************************

To update my game prediction posts from before (if you haven't stopped reading by now, DO IT. STOP READING.)

For Punch-Out!!, we have a few more confirmations. We have actual footage of Piston Hondo and Great Tiger now. Also, the ESRB website description pretty much comes out and says Super Macho Man and Soda Popinski are in the game, which fits my list. Current reviews point to 'a few' nods to Super Punch-Out!!, which means that someone else from that game will show up alongside Bear Hugger (I'm still going with Dragon Chan on that).

With Piston Hondo, though, I must take off one my original list, and it'll probably be original final boss. The final boss seems to be silhouetted on the web site (why else would the one unfilled profile be there since day 1?), and it looks like...a buffed up Mr. Sandman? That would be odd.

Now, Smash Up. Nothing big, but the current post on the developer blog says that "the characters all utilize a weapon of some sort", which would mean the characters in the game would have to have some sort of weapon. It's a pretty open phrase, I mean anything could be used as a weapon. I don't think it hurts the stuff I had in my prediction post, but its something to consider.

I art usefal

2009-05-05T23:17:00.002-05:00

In me news, I discovered Google Reader the other day. It is awesome and amazing.

I have been listening to many old/new albums recently, as well. On the list:

Both Kind of Blue and Bitches Brew. I'm not a big listener of jazz, so I don't have a really informed opinion, yet. All I can say: it's crazy!

Also, a friend of mine inspired me to download Krautrock. So I have two examples of it, one of which (Kraftwerk's Autobahn) is awesome, and the other (Tago Mago by Can) is too weird to determine how much I like it on one listen.

H

2009-05-02T11:45:00.002-05:00

A thought occurred to me not that long ago:

Back during they heyday of The Simpsons, there were a number of different writers and show runners with their own distinct styles that nerds who watch the show enough (or listen to the DVD commentary) can be able to pick out. Soon enough, you'll be able to figure what was Oakley/Weinstein episode, what was a Mirkin episode, etc. So, during that period, there were talented people who had an impact on the show.

So, here is my query: What is stopping a group of talented writers and directors from coming onto the show now and making it good again? Given that the people who grew up on the show, now my age or older, could now be entering the creative industry, possibly as TV writers. If the show refuses to go down in the future, is it not possible that new recruits to bring the show back up again?

Now, considering that, I must remember there are some other factors to consider:

1)What is the creative environment on the show like today? I wouldn't necessarily think that the show is under more corporate scrutiny now than ever before. The execs have given the show a lot of creative space, and they probably recognize that any sort of exercise in control would hurt their image in the eyes of the audience. Even so, there's still the possibility that the show, which is now considered a staple (ubiquitous, even), may have a different atmosphere for the writers than it did during the earlier seasons.

2)Who are the creators on the show now? I honestly don't know, since I stopped watching. When did they come one? How long have they've been on? Where did they come from? The answers to these questions would likely have an impact on new writers coming onto the show.

3)Is it possible that the show has simply run out of possibilities? That there are no more stories to tell with these characters, this setting? That seems to be a very possible thing, too. As I said, I don't watch the show anymore, but any glimpse I get of it seem, for the most part to be spinning its wheels. Oh look, more marital problems for Homer and Marge! Bart/Lisa finds another possible love interest! I also notice a growing number of fantasy episodes, which in a show like The Simpsons really should be kept at a minimum. All this seems to suggest that there's really nothing left for the show to say, although it could also just be that we have a bunch of hacks in the monkey house.

4)Do any of these creative types even really want to work on The Simpsons, rather than go off on their own? This is an issue that is common for people who want to break into the comics world as well. Especially when you're a big fan, writing your favourite characters would be a dream come true, whether it's Homer Simpson or Spider-Man. But even if you are a big fan of some property, you could still be incredibly savvy about what working on that property would entail. I would think just as many Simpsons fans (myself included) would rather go off and create their own thing using the inspiration they got from the show. This is not a bad thing. It is likely that most of the good comedy we see today and will see in the future comes from people who grew up on The Simpsons (although I won't discount that the major creative figures from the show, Greg Daniels and Oakley/Weinstein for example, have also become diffused among these shows as well).

It was just a thought, though. I thought that would probably have been more relevant three years ago, as by now everyone just wants Fox to let the show finally die with whatever dignity it has left. But that's unlikely to happen any time soon.

Animals!

2009-04-30T21:52:00.002-05:00

Old Animal! news is still Animal! news.

New fossils up north discovered. It's a seal! It's an otter! It's both!

It's an animal that is right up my alley!

Kids are (going to be) dumb

2009-04-30T20:58:00.006-05:00

Okay, taking off the goofy bastard gloves for a minute...

Alberta is trying to pass a new law that allows parents to opt their kids out of certain classes in public school.

This is wrong on many levels.

Just because you decided to trust your favourite holy book (or, in the worst case scenario, white supremacist literature) instead of reality doesn't mean you get special treatment in public school. Want your kid to grow up just like you? Don't send 'em to public school. Public school is where they are exposed to public education, remember. If you decide your kid would be better off not knowing the basics of the world, you have other options. This whole thing is unnecessary and idiotic.

Plus, I mean, how many kids are going to use this just to get out of class? If they're both lazy AND smart, they're going to exploit the hell out of this. Them kids are tricksy.

I also don't like the fact that this was hidden in a bill that also (finally) adds sexual orientation to their human rights statute. That's just cheating tactics, and I've been noticing it a lot lately in new bills in Canada. This is the same way the feds got that bill that lets them decide which film projects 'contribute to Canadian culture' (Read: dumbed down shit) and get vital funding.

So yeah, my hopes are Albertans realize what a bad idea this is and force their reps to drop it before it causes out the wazoo.

Smarter people talk about it.

:+]

2009-04-30T00:35:00.002-05:00

Guess what I didn't watch tonight?

If you said anything other than Jimmy Fallon's show, you're WRONG.

Things I must do some time:

1. Read Don Delillo's 'Falling Man'
2. Watch all three seasons of Father Ted
3. Write something, I think I might be out of practice!
4. Read All-Star Superman Volume 1. Also, Sandman: The Kindly Ones.
5. Find new music to listen to
6. Figure out a way to print off Wikipedia's list of hat styles for reference.
7. Finish Principia Discordia
8. Figure out what the bottom half of my filing cabinet should be used for.
9. Crush my enemies
10. Get passport photo
11. Find use for big black box o' shit I have
12. Sleep at night.
13. See them driven before me.
14. Go on a trip somewhere. Not anywhere too far, because that's impossible. Just...somewhere.
15. Get rid of more possessions. I have too much stuff.
16. Make a new video.
17. Hear the lamentation of their women.

I WRITED TV

2009-04-27T22:18:00.002-05:00

So today, for the first time in a while, I watched an episode of House with a buddy.

Weird time to do that - the episode featured a hallucinating Dr. House subconsciously trying to kill a patient and a friend.

Now, this got me thinking...House has got some internal conflict going on, and it already is visualizing that internal conflict in a bizarre way. So why not take a step further?

It was my friend who suggested the idea that House could solve his problem by entering his own mind and doing battle with the horrible evil residing in it. And after that, I came up with the idea that the battle ends up splitting House into two people, just like in a thousand dumb cartoons! It could the basis for an entire season.

One House could be the good one - compassionate. But he'd also be completely inept. The other House would be the evil House - sadistic, but at the same time, brilliant. Now the staff has to figure out how to put House back together, but which House do they want to be the dominant personality?

This is what I'd do if I wrote House. It would be promptly cancelled.

(Actually, they wouldn't need to go with the goofier angle for it at all. Just make House suffer from multiple personalities. Same effect, but without the fantasy filth polluting the show about the funny doctor man who should be fired five times a day.)

This is also not important

2009-04-27T15:51:00.004-05:00

DON'T READ THIS OR YOU'LL GO BLIND.

Recap: TMNT: Smash Up is a new fighting game coming out this year featuring the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, developed by Game Arts, some of the folks behind Super Smash Bros. Brawl. It looks to play like Smash Bros. (as one might have noticed from the SUPER SUBTLE reference in the title), but has enough of its own ideas so it won't be labeled a complete rip-off. It looks and sounds surprisining promising.

Now, this being a crossover/fanservice game (to which I am somewhat partial) based on material I have a reasonable amount of knowledge about, it makes sense then that I would start speculating on stuff in the game. Specifically the characters.

The developers have made tons of tittering hints about characters, talking about how the game is 'set to please fans of all eras of the turtles' (the game coinciding with the 25th anniversary of the franchise) and how we'll see characters we'll expect and others we never saw coming. Very vague, but it's a start.

So Who is Already In It?
Of course, you can't a TMNT game without the turtles. So Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, and Donatello are all already on board. So is Splinter, another no one should be surprised by. Finally, an early interview with the developers pretty much confirmed Shredder, not that we needed anyone to confirm the main antagonist of series being a character in a fanservice game for that series.

Who is the Most Likely?
TMNT is a franchise that has had many different components over the years, each one its own little universe. There's the original Mirage comics, the 80s cartoon, the late 80s/early 90s Archie comics, the movies (which don't really feel all that coherent and maybe shouldn't all be counted as one thing), and the new cartoon. Considering that this is supposed to be a game for all fans, I'm thinking the best place to start would be to find common ground between the iterations.

Not that hard, really. Which characters appear across all the versions? There are a few, and they would probably constitute the 'characters you know' thing the developers being interviewed have mentioned.

The shoe-ins, that I'd say need no further speculation, are Casey Jones and Karai. Appear across multiple forms, are always major characters, and are perfect for a fighting game. There ya' go.

The other recurring characters: April O'Neil, Baxter Stockman, Fugitoid, Rat King, and Leatherhead. Each one has their own sets of helping and hindering factors (Will April get in based on the new movie, Fugitoid is mentioned on the main site for the game, will they include Leatherhead even with a giant alligator as a hazard, etc.), but as a Turtles fanservice game, they seem to be the best starting selection of characters.

I also wouldn't be surprised to see a 'generic' character or two in there, like a Foot Ninja or Triceraton, considering how prominent they are. Maybe even an Utrom.

And Some Wild Guesses
From the sounds of things, some of the character choices may follow an idea I had when the game was first announced; that is, pull characters from different sectors of the franchise. This could supply the 'hardcore for-fan' characters they keep alluding to. But who?

This is a tad bit harder. The only clues we can possibly get is from the fact that the character selections are being made by Mirage. Who would Mirage pick? I don't know. From reading the blogs of the guys, I get the idea that they were behind some of the characters featured in the Archie comics and toyline, so some of those guys could show up. But that's probably wrongheaded.

Hard to say, really. I would say that if anyone from another (as in not Mirage, which is where I suppose most of the characters will come from) form shows up, it might be someone like Slash or Ray Fillet, characters who might gel with the others better (the former more than the latter).

Some people have also brought up the possibility that they could include Usagi Yojimbo, which is certainly a possibility. The only thing with that is that Usagi is owned by another indy comic artist who 'lent' his creation to the series a few times out of friendship. There's still a decent chance for him (he'd certainly fall under the 'never expected' banner), but he's a different scenario.

I'm glad to get that off my chest.

@_@

2009-04-25T01:16:00.002-05:00

Due to Youtube's gang of miscreants, I've found myself exposed to far too much Hello Kitty-related things as of recent. It's messing with my mind, man!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventures_of_Hello_Kitty_%26_Friends

Although the show is aimed at children between the ages of three to ten, it is popular for men and women of all ages.

YOU DO NOT FILL ME WITH CONFIDENCE!

THE DEATH OF KISS

2009-04-24T15:36:00.003-05:00

I'd probably like Rhythm Heaven more if I was any good at it. I was able to make some leaps, but I never felt like I was really advancing, and I didn't feel any need to play it again. Oh well.

Classes are over now, so now I have no excuses for not posting. Aside from lack of inspiration.

This is not important

2009-04-24T15:30:00.004-05:00

This post should not be read. This is for my own reference.

Alright, it's for a bit more than that. But only if you care about the subject matter, and I'm sure a lot of you don't:

My predictions for the opponents in the new Punch-Out!!

(Italics means they are already confirmed. Everyone else is my own guess.)

Glass Joe
Von Kaiser
Disco Kid
King Hippo
Bear Hugger
Don Flamenco
Bald Bull
Great Tiger
Soda Popinski
Dragon Chan
Mr. Sandman
Super Macho Man
All-New Final Boss

UPDATE: Not even a day and Internet news fucks me up the ass. I hate you, Piston Honda.

Game Ideas #2

2009-04-12T12:55:00.004-05:00

And just to show that I'm not totally lacking in original ideas, I will pitch an idea not based on a long-established game franchise...

Idea: Heart of Darkness: The Videogame

Now, I only said it wouldn't based on a videogame franchise, not that it would be completely original.

I bet you're wondering why I decided to go with the original Conrad novel rather than just make a game based on Apocalypse Now. It's quite simple, really: there's slightly less baggage in adapting the classic novel rather than the classic movie, and, much as Apocalypse Now changed the setting of the story, so too would I be able to change the setting in the game. In short, it frees up the game for ideas.

How would one translate this story into a game? The plot does give you one big concept to develop around: you're tasked with finding Kurtz, somewhere in the massive jungle and river environment. The whole game, then, would be about you travelling around a well-developed world, filled with unique places and NPCs, trying to find information about where to find Kurtz. That is the primary thrust of the game, and it provides you plenty of opportunity to include some great game concepts around it.

The game world, for example, can be made into something really cool. Like I said, it's large and populated by lots of unique characters. And stuff would always be going on, either on a random (more realistic) basis or on a scheduled (probably more fair) basis. For example, say you know of a guy upriver who has important information, and you want to track him down. However, the guy is also a rebel leader, and could be assassinated at any moment. Stuff like that. Suddenly, a new sense of urgency, and a far more organic world. Of course, you don't need to find every single person with information to complete the game...in fact, if you are so inclined, you could probably just travel around for hours and you'd eventually stumble upon Kurtz's whereabouts. Of course, then you'd have no idea what to do.

Just like in the book and movie, you're not alone. Over the course of the game, some of the people you meet can be convinced to join your little boat crew, some for higher prices than others. There would a limit to the number of people you can take with you on your dinky little boat; it's not a goddamn clown car. So this means you have to really think about which guys you will recruit. Each one has their own unique set of skills that may come in handy: some are better marksmen, some are better navigators (which will help you during some of the rougher moments on the river), some will help you better communicate with the locals, some provide you a stash of useful items...the list goes on. It's all up to you to prioritize things on your boat. Of course, considering this is a Heart of Darkness game, you're likely going to have plenty of...drop-outs...to make room for other guys if you need it.

It's essentially a text-adventure/simulation hybrid with elements of survival horror (you never know when you'll be attacked by rebel fighters or wild animals) and sandbox games. The final part of the game, when you finally track down demi-god Kurtz, will add one last bit of intrigue. What DO you do? Do you fulfill your orders and eliminate him? Do you leave him alive and go off? It's up to you. Or maybe not. Who is to say that some of your crew members don't have their own agendas in the situation?

The other good thing about this game? It doesn't necessarily have to be based on Heart of Darkness, and is pretty free when it comes to settings. Of course, you could say that about my Mario game idea too, but I just like the idea of Mario teaming up with a robot.

Game Ideas #1

2009-04-04T11:57:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking a bit about directions established game franchises can go to stay good. The problem with most gamers is that they are creatively retarded, and just want the same thing over and over again (while still whining that the games are rehashes). Me, though, I'm allllll right.

So now I'm going to talk about some game concepts I came up with. Why not? I'm sure I've done it before.

And what better way to start talking about videogame franchise ideas than with the videogame franchise?

Idea: Super Mario Metropolis

Now, it seems like a bit of a downgrade to take Mario from space back down to earth, and then restrict him to a certain environment, like a city. But wait! There's more to it!

The story would be the basic one: Mario & Peach travel to the biggest city around, Peach is captured by Bowser, Mario must save her because that's what he does. However, he's got bigger problems: not only is the Princess locked a high rise tower that he can't seem to get into, but he's also constantly being chased around by police robots working with Bowser. Still not that much of a departure? Here's the big catch: Mario himself teams up with a robot to save the day once again.

One of things I've noticed with most Wii games is that they usually only subscribe to one of the ideas that are possible for the system. That is usually the aiming or shaking concepts. There's a lot more possible with this thing, and I hope to combine some of the old and unused ideas in here. See, players control both Mario and the robot, the former with the nunchuck, and the latter with the remote. Mario would get his usual abilities, which can easily be assigned to the nunchuck buttons. The robot would be a bit more complicated.

I haven't completely figured out the specifics of the robot's control scheme. Should he move with the d-pad, or by pointing? The pointing would seem to be necessary for some of the robot's unique skills (long range weapons, for example, similar to the star bit shooting in Galaxy). Does the robot need to move at all? In any case, the general idea would be that you would control both characters simultaneously using each half of the controller package. Co-op play could be an option, too. This seems like a pretty basic idea, so I wonder why so few have used it before?

The game would be equal parts Mario, Pikmin, and The Lost Vikings. You will need to utilize Mario and the robot to solve the games puzzles. This will make some objectives easier (how much more relaxing would the average "take this thing from here to over here" challenge be with back-up?) and some more difficult, as you try to get down the timing and placement of both characters down pat. There might be a few sections where the two are separated, and you only have to pay attention to one of them at a time. There's plenty of possibilities.

The basic "find the MacGuffins" gameplay would remain, but with a twist: instead of collecting 120 magic objects, you collect various machine parts, much like Pikmin. By collecting the appropriate combination of parts, Mario can use them to upgrade his robot buddy, granting him even more new abilities. The robot could transform into vehicles, and essentially work like a combination of the FLUDD from Mario Sunshine and the various power-ups from every other Mario game. Many of them would also be able to utilize various remote functions to add some variety.

Not only do these new abilities give you access to more challenges and thus more parts, they can also be used to bypass the security and traps and get further and further into Bowser's skyscraper fortress. This is similar to the structure I had for my Zelda game idea, which I'm pretty sure I mentioned before, but should probably go into further detail about another time. It's a different kind of game structure, one that progresses in a way that you feel a lot more part of it.

Of course, all this talk and I don't address one major problem: level variety. One thing people didn't like about Sunshine was that the island setting limited the different environments in the game, while on the other hand Galaxy was nearly limitless. The same problem could come up in Metropolis, but there are ways around it. A big city has lots of places to go that could provide suitable Mario worlds to explore: the park, the mall, the sewers, amusement parks, docks, factories, clock towers...and let's not forget the big city itself. Each of these could also be expanded to include the archetypes (ice, lava, etc.), but maybe we don't need them again. Just a thought.

There's still some unanswered questions in this pitch, but even so, I think the basic groundwork for something good. Really, though, I just like the idea of Mario working with a robot.

Animals!

2009-04-02T23:01:00.003-05:00

You know what I like? Animals!

Especially ones like this.

More on this order!

I remember back when I used to post a lot about monkeys or people with swords. I think I'm going to post more about Animals!

Abstract

2009-03-30T23:54:00.003-05:00

Writing essays. SO MANY ESSAYS GABANGAHGAHGAH

I got nothing right now.

(***)

2009-03-26T23:42:00.002-05:00

Oh nothing.

!_!

2009-03-19T23:09:00.002-05:00

Why is this a controversy?

Oh yeah, that's right: gamers are thin-skinned little ninnies.

God forbid people trying to advise against an excessively sedantary lifestyle use an example of an excessively sedantary lifestyle.

"The Council" at the ASA found that most readers would understand that the ad was simply discouraging a sedentary lifestyle -- yes, but then why not put something else in the boy's hands ... like a book?"

Yes, because you know what all these fat children are doing that gets them so fat? Spending too much time reading books. YEAH, that's it...

(o8n|)

2009-03-17T23:06:00.002-05:00

I saw Watchmen on Friday.

I didn't hate it, but there are more things in it that annoyed me than I genuinely loved. This may or may not have been because I have read the book and admire it greatly, and also because I had about a week or so of reading criticisms for me to notice when I finally saw it. Aw well, that was my viewing experience.

Most people on the Internet have expressed the best parts of the movie: Rorshach, Dr. Manhattan, and The Comedian were all well-played, and for the most part their character arcs remained mostly intact.

As for the other characters...well, they tried with Dan/Nite Owl, but his scenes still felt like they dragged. As everyone else has stated, Laurie was just acted badly, as was her mother. In the end, I guess, it was the grounded stuff that stuttered the most.

Oh wait, big problem #1: Veidt. I had been expecting it, so it softened the blow a bit, but he still ended up mediocre. Him and his shifting European accent...he just seemed like at every moment he was silently signalling everyone "Hey everyone, I'm the bad guy!" Now, this may be because I knew he was, and the mystery was still present for neophyte audience members...even so, he was still played way too broadly, and it sapped a lot of the impact of the ending.

The ending is big problem #2. I knew they'd change it, I even knew what they'd change it to...but it feels off. Very off. Not only logically (even if fake Dr. Manhattan energy attacked American cities, would that really convince them that it was a universal threat and just end all the atomic war stuff? More likely, they just think that the US lost control of their 'weapon' and keep on track), but also tonally (where an alien invasion introduces humanity to something outside their scope, thus improving society through discovery and science essentially, having Dr. Manhattan act as a wrathful god basically brings about world peace with fear and religion. I don't think that meaning was entirely intentional, but its still there). It also makes Dr. Manhattan look like much more of a chump than in the book by accepting it. And they made Nite Owl not accept it, which makes the moral amiguity, which is one of the main reasons I love the book, far less palpable. Everything else in the ending was fine, and probably surprised/entertained the audience...but it felt like something was missing.

Big problem #3: the use of music. It was awful. When "Hallejulah" came up during the pointlessly extended sex scene, there was a howl of laughter in the audience. My friend turned to me and said "Seriously?", and he's a big Leonard Cohen fan. The rest of the music was about the same level of inappropriateness. It honestly reminded me of the movies my friends and I made, where we'd throw Tom Petty over us playing Smash Bros., just completely unprofessional and a cheap way of setting the mood using good (if overused) music.

There's smaller stuff, too...the violence is indeed over-the-top for no real reason and fight scenes are extended (and not to an optimal effect), the Nixon war room stuff was a complete waste of time (unless you're a big fan of cartoonish imitation and bad marke-up), and there was jarring back-and-forth between scenes lifted verbatim from the book and changed things, where characters and ideas would appear and dissapear at the drop of a hat thus eliminating important set-up and pay-off (Hollis Mason for one, and the news vendor, whose presence in the ending just didn't seem to matter because we wasn't a real character). Apparently, some of the stuff will appear on the extended cut on the DVD (including one of the scenes that made me very sad, the death of Hollis Mason), but that doesn't excuse the lack of coherence here, especially when there's so much time wasted with fights, sub-par porn, and Nixon's rubber nose.

Remember, I said I didn't hate this movie, though. Bill Crudrup was really effective as Dr. Manhattan, as were the Comedian and Rorschach scenes. It had its moments, and at those moments it was very entertaining (the titles, for example). And it wasn't a complete butchering, so it is probably the noblest failure we could have got. But in five months, it will mostly be remembered as being "that movie version of Watchmen they made that one time", rather than as an exceptional film.

ZAck Snyder will remain in his position as a okay mimic with a sense of style and 14-year-old tendencies. Any major advances in the artistic merit of his career will have to wait until his next film.

Oh well. Onto We3!

1>1

2009-03-11T23:21:00.005-05:00

Back to symbol titles I see.

Waiting for spring. It will come. OH YESSSSS, it will...

With classes on its last legs and the last few major assignments coming up (one of them was delayed until much later today, which makes me a happy camper and frees up the week), I'm busy with important stuff and not just the bullshit I'm usually busy with. I have more confidence in my ability to get stuff done this year, too, so that helps.

I decided that I am going to speed up my latest dumb project, which is to convert my old 'super binder' into an all-purpose dumb fact reference guide. I recently printed off a map of my province and a guide to colours, but they are just the beginning. I just need to think of some more things I may need to refer to in the future...

A Noid

2009-03-04T23:37:00.002-06:00

I used to like the whole cryptozoology thing. I don't believe that any of that stuff really exists now, but it's still kind of fun to read sightings and descriptions of slightly-less-than fantasy animals.

But when I look up a cryptid (say...Manipogo, a local monster), and I find creation science sites about it...that just sucks all the fun out of it. I don't want my interests to overlap with some of the dumbest dumb-dumbs in modern society, just because they think finding a dinosaur roaming in a lake in Manitoba confirms their young Earth calculations (and The Flinstones) are literally true. Not that this field is free of kooks of non-religious orientation, but I'd rather hang out with the UFO freaks than crazy Christians is what I'm saying.

Let's Get BIZZAY

2009-03-03T23:53:00.002-06:00

I'm using this post to announce that I am adding some links to the sidebar and changing the headline.

I usually do these things without fanfare, but today I decided to be different.

Plus, I just felt like posting in March.

Good Riddance, Winter

2009-02-28T00:12:00.003-06:00

Well, today is the last day of the last month of winter. Fuck the 21st shit, it's pretty much over. Now for tough school work!

**************

If there's one thing that separates Street Fighter IV from other fighting games (2D fighting games especially), it's that there are barely any super moves used. In the game, your meter takes quite a long time to charge, and in the end, using EX moves just seems to be a more useful venture.
The fact that the super moves are pretty much downplayed is significantly different from the way fighting games have been designed for over a decade now. Almost every 2D fighting game after Street Fighter Alpha was based on throwing out super moves as much as possible, but not SFIV. It kind of relaxes the pace a bit, and, as others have mentioned, it means characters without great or easy to use super moves have alternatives. Just one of those things I've noticed.

A very long and nerdy post

2009-02-21T12:37:00.003-06:00

Cross-posted here, it is the long-awaited second part in my series of articles based on the time speculating about Super Smash Bros. Brawl on the Internet. It is very, very long and so niche you can't possibly care. Here's the first part. I hope to get the final part done by March 9th, for exactness and all.

********************************

In the last instalment, we saw the game announced with a few surprises in tow. Not long after, cryptic statements helped contribute to the thoughts, the battles, and the pain. I revealed my own involvement in the dreaded online character cults. And after 6 months and two trailers revealing pretty much bare bones information, silence reigned….

March 28th, 2007
It had been months since our last update. No news, no interviews with important information, nothing. Those impatient little dimwits cried about it for days on end. “Why, Nintendo, why?” they whined. Every convention/other opportunity was seen as a chance for Brawl tidbits, but nothing came, not even a firmer release date.
The first major Brawl-related news bit of 2007 wasn’t even about Brawl directly. On this day, it was announced that, after over a decade of rivalry, Mario and Sonic would finally appear together in one game, Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games.
Of course, after months of debating 3rd party involvement in Brawl (where everyone from Mega Man to Kingdom Hearts’ Sora were seen as candidates, and reason was tossed out the window and impaled on broken glass), some saw this is a major break. Sonic discussion was mandatory, and its oligatoryness made it seem like a background element to all the other discussions. Even so, here’s a chance to get some info, because all the interviewers asking about this game has GOT to bring up Smash Bros.
And they did, and we got…nothing. ‘No comment’ from one, as should be expected. However, the other interviewed rep made the statement “That’s not on the cards right now”, something to carries a bit more meaning to overanalysts, despite lacking any. Some saw this as a sign that Sonic wasn’t going to make it, and proclaimed repeatedly. Others, mostly those whose denial was based on fanboyism rather than logic, cried back. It was par of course for Smash Bros. discussion. And it would be a bit longer before this one would be locked.
This provided a decent enough break from the monotony of months-old speculation, but it soon went back to “Which characters should return LOL”. Thankfully, it wouldn’t be long until the next miniscule moment of enlightenment.

April 2007
Of course, Brawl was the subject of April Fools jokes. How could it not? None of those jokes were particularly good, but they were there. They were about all we had at the time.
Then came my next contribution to the Smash masses. While perusing NSider against my better judgement, I stumbled upon a thread linking to a Korean site with a scan from Corcoro Comics, one of Japan’s premier comic magazines. This scanned showed a page with some Brawl art and text nearby, and some translators determined that the mag would have a feature of the game in next month’s issue. I quickly broke my cyber exile from Smashboards and posted the thing. Excitement swept the land. It appeared everywhere. Of course, the vagueness of the magazine’s text led many to believe, wrongly, that there would be a new character revealed. Such are the actions of simpletons. Even so, it all made some level of sense, as Corocoro had spent a good time before the release of the newest Pokemon games revealing some of the new critters before anyone else. We’d just have to wait and see.
Around the same time frame, we got a rather bizarre break from Hideo Kojima himself. At some convention, Kojima was asked about Smash, to which he replied that he and Sakurai had played the game not long ago, and Kojima claimed “It feels really complete” and “If they released it right now, they’d sell a million copies”. These statements, of course just compliments from a friend, were taken deadly seriously by many message boarders.

May/June 2007
We had been hearing that more information was coming. We prayed for that information. And then we got eventually got it.
In mid-May, the Smash Bros. Dojo website was taken down and replaced by a countdown of around a week. “Oh boy!” We all thought. “We are getting new stuff, finally!” Conveniently, this came at the same time we learned the CoroCoro thing was a bust. And so we waited, and waited for that time. In the meantime, there was anti-comedy afoot: the ‘Japan Time’ note contained on the page became a meme at places like NeoGAF, and like all memes at NeoGAF, it was driven into the ground like a drill.
I remember when the day came; I was so excited I couldn’t sleep. For that reason, the fact that the actual site update didn’t come until 2 AM probably wasn’t the best for me. And when the update came…
I can’t say the first posts on the Dojo were received very well. They had waited a week, and were expecting quite a bit, and what they got was…introductory posts. Not unexpected or illogical, but not what they were building up to. I mean, the world held its breath for 6 months for this news!
The reaction was not really outright disappointment, but rather something a bit lukewarm. The early posts did give some fuel to the fire, though – mainly through the Musicians post, which was incredible on its own. It got some pretty early speculation going on, but unfortunately based on wrong connections – the site listed the major games that the composers had worked on before, and this led to people thinking that Brawl must feature content from some of those games in some way (apparently the idea of ‘freelancing’ eluded them that moment). It died out pretty quickly, I thought, although some people (even IGN) held on to the belief that the hired musicians meant something to third party participation until the very end.
The first three weeks of the Dojo were basically getting us into the idea of the Dojo. There wasn’t really much in the way of exciting new stuff during that time; some new items, some new special moves, some fun new concepts (I thought moving and shooting was pretty damn swell), a new stage…but that was pretty much it for most of the first month or so, and people complained (especially when the game explained basic concepts like Recovery), as they are wont to.
The major updates for that time period were the explanations of the Final Smashes (the super moves from the first trailer) and the controller options. The former solved a mystery that had been in our minds for a year (and to think, some people had been convinced that the absence of the final smashes in the second video meant they were cut out or were ‘just for show’), and spurred another tournament player item/no item firestorm. The latter was very important, as it explained that all the compatible controllers were usable in the game (solving the mystery of what controller would be used in the game and ending another dumb forum argument), as well as told us that there would be customizable controls, which was great (and would be expanded upon in future updates, neither of which were met with much fanfare, strangely). Of course, this would also lead to tournament players claiming that anyone using any controller other than the Gamecube one would be ‘gimped’, but you take the bad with the good sometimes.
After the initial month of mostly recapping and basics, the updates really started picking up in the last month of June, when we finally got a new (but old) character in Zelda. Updates started becoming something to really look forward to, and the constant stream of whining ceased for the time being. Plus, E3 was right around the corner, and who knows what could go on there…
One final note for this month: the trend of misunderstanding or questioning interpretations of the posts began pretty early on. I must admit, I didn’t quite grasp the concept of rolling crates in the beginning. Other sources of confusion: the phrase “but once” in the Final Smash update, the explanation for aiming the Cracker Launcher, the naming of the Ridley song as ‘Metroid Boss Battle’ (did it mean Ridley was a boss?), and Wario’s ‘new martial arts that other characters cannot even see’. These ones were more minor confusions, but future posts had people questioning the translation or what the actual sentence means, mostly so they can construe it to their whims.

July 2007
July started with a bang and never really let up until months later. The first update of the month told us about ‘Assist Trophies’, a feature that was well-received but nonetheless controversial. It let characters that would otherwise not be in the game in any major capacity get their chance in the spotlight, but what would your reaction be if a character you were gunning for as playable was only in the game as an item? This would be brought up again and again in subsequent months as excitement and disappointment came with each newly revealed Assist Trophy. Like the previous month’s entries, there was some confusion with the concept – for example, did your character disappear when they used it? The only evidence was in how some screenshots were framed, but that was it.
The rest of the week was up to snuff as well: the return of Bowser (and his awesome final smash) and a new stage was swell stuff. And the next week, we got the return of the Bumper from the original Smash Bros.! All this, though, was lead-up to E3.
Now, one thing to remember: it had been announced earlier that the E3 we knew and loved was no more, to be replaced by a more conventional series of announcements and demonstrations (which was entirely reasonable, considering the needlessly bloated carnival E3 really was most of the time). This meant that there really was no way there would nearly as much mayhem in the Nintendo booth as there was last year. Even so, we waited in anticipation to see what Brawl info we could get.
What we got was a short movie, which was perfectly okay, and a release date, December 3rd, which was great. We scoured the video looking for any new elements not yet revealed on the Dojo, which consisted entirely of Donkey Kong, who appeared on the site the next day. Despite the small feeling of E3, I think most of us Smash fans were reasonably satisfied by it. Plus, we now knew where to mark our calendars.
The last update of the week was also a doozy: an Animal Crossing stage. This of course led discussions into a possible AC character, as the stage had to mean SOMETHING (in fact, no it didn’t). This would also be a source of debate until the end, as people could not, COULD NOT, give up the possibility of a playable AC character (even the ones who were clearly in the background of the stage, like Tom Nook). Some of the names they came up for the generic human character were pretty kooky as well – Animal Crosser? Doesn’t sound particularly family-friendly.
The rest of the month was good fun, but nothing that caused a massive stir. We got some more characters that were half-new (Yoshi and Zero Suit Samus), a couple of stages (the Rumble Falls stage was the cause of a minor spat in which people who thought the Ice Climbers could only have one stage design immediately jumped to the conclusion that they were out because Rumble Falls was in that mould), more Assist Trophies, and other such nonsense. The major potboiler was a mysterious update, bordered in black, which explained things about ‘this world’ and ended with an ominous message and a screenshot of a weird robot thing. I think most people guessed this was a teaser for the ‘beefed up’ Adventure mode mentioned before (the fact that it was in the section titled ‘Mode A’ helped that along a bit), but that didn’t stop some from coming up with crazy theories (for example, that it was actually teasing the online mode, and the ominous messages were talking about punishment for cheating or other such drivel).
Before we move on, one more thing: the so-called ‘Icon Theory’ (which may have had its roots earlier) was solidified in July. The ‘Icon Theory’ was basically checking the image name of the series icons presented in the top left corner of the updates, arranging the icons into a list based on how their names were numbered, and using that list to determined how many series are represented (have icons) in the game. Really, out of all the methods we had for trying to figure out stuff ahead of time, it was probably the best one, although there were arguments over how the order of the list worked (in the end, there was an order, but not that orderly an order). It became one of those integral things posted on most message boards over the coming months as new icons were revealed, and was another source of hope and disappointment for many.

August 2007
The first update in August was late for some reason. This would be common in August, but it also meant good things – it usually signalled something big. And the first update in August was big – our first completely brand new character in over a year, Ike. The shot heard round the Internet; the beginning of a new frenzy.
Not to be outdone, the last update of the same week solved the mystery of the black update by revealing the new Adventure mode, titled ‘The Subspace Emissary’, and featuring a big story, sidescrolling action, and cutscenes, cutscenes, cutscenes! Now a whole new sector of speculation came to be, and it was out the gate trying to figure out what those enemies were, or where that stage is from (although they ended up being completely original, we were still under the impression that the stages and enemies could be game-based), or trying to figure out the whole plot (is Meta Knight the villain?). Subsequent updates in the same month introducing the names of the villain group and introducing the concept of bosses (which, like the Assist Trophies, gave another avenue for fans to speculate character choices) added to the magical mystery of this new mode. Of course, some of the obviously hyped-up language used to describe the adventure mode (“And we fit it on one disc!”) would ultimately come to bite it in the ass, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves.
The rest of August was likewise filled with surprises and wonder. Two more brand new characters appeared within weeks of each other, and one more returning character (Peach, who actually appeared earlier in the Subspace Emissary video) filled the ranks. The two new ones were not without some level of controversy, but then again which ones were completely beloved upon arrival? (There actually were, but those come later). Pokemon Trainer, the second new character of August, was pretty well-accepted, although his game mechanics weren’t entirely clear on the outset. The big thing was the diehard Poke-fans wondering why his name wasn’t Red, the ‘canonical’ name for that particular Pokemon Trainer blah blah, nobody cares. The third new character, Diddy Kong…well, not everyone likes him very much. He’s a kid sidekick after all, and those tend not to be fan favourites. Even so, I can’t say no to monkeys, and he looked fun, so I was on his side from the beginning. The controversies were generally pretty small, and subsided rather quickly.
The characters and Subspace posts held the entire month, with the rest of the updates were okay, and included some new stages, Assist Trophies, and the like. It was a great way to cap off a great summer for Smash Bros. information, and would keep the people satisfied over the next month, which quieted down a bit.

September 2007
After an incredible August, September seemed almost quaint. Which isn’t to say that there were no exciting announcements that month; quite the opposite, actually. But the announcements based on gameplay barely ever stirred the base like new characters did, and there were no new characters that month.
Let’s start with the important stuff: the major features debuting in September were the Online mode and My Music. After months of wondering if the game was going to be online at all (even though that was the main points of making it in the first place), the announcement was one of the most well-received of all, even though the very first post about it mentioned all the features (friend codes, limited communication, possibility of lag) that everyone would be bitching about when they finally got the game. But hey, it was online!
My Music once again opened up another avenue for speculation, or at least opened it up more so. The site had been offering music samples since day 1, and people speculated on music as they normally would. But with My Music, it was evident that the actual soundtrack would be even more epic than originally thought, and people upped the ante on their music guesses. All in all, a very nice feature, although its inclusion did cause some ruckus by those who wanted completely custom soundtracks (which I just don’t think makes sense for this game) so they can play their (almost certainly bad, they’re gamers, after all) tunes over their battles.
The rest of the month was generally typical, but good. Two of the characters featured that month were already known – Meta Knight (who for his three month absence was actually being thought as a possible secret character) and Snake (whose update, finally showing us his special moves and a general idea of how he plays, was previewed a day earlier at a conference at the Tokyo Game Show). The third was a bit surprising to some – the return of the Ice Climbers. Being characters who aren’t from an essentially popular franchise, some thought they were expendable (which they aren’t), and the rumours from the previous year indicated they could be gone and replaced. Well, if that dumb rumour hadn’t been killed and forgotten by then, it was when that update appeared. Good riddance to Internet garbage.
Some of the other updates that month got some responses – Mario got FLUDD as a special move, the Special match options returned, we got to look at some the new enemies in the Adventure mode (killing most ideas that they were being culled from other games), and some amusing Assist Trophies (including Lyn, a Fire Emblem character with a following that mourned her obvious non-playable status). The month capped off with an oddly symmetrical week (two returning game modes, two final smashes, and an Assist Trophy in between).
And now, the stage was the set…for the big stuff.

October 2007
After taking a sort-of break in September, things went back into full swing in October, bringing in three all-new characters and a bunch of other stuff.
The new characters were an exciting lot – the first day we got Mother 3’s Lucas, much to the joy of those raving lunatic fanboys at Starmen.net (who actually stated beforehand that they had sources who indicated him being in the game, among other things that would also come to pass), and later in the month we got the awesome King Dedede, a crowd pleaser. Lucas created another bit of controversy – since he looked similar to Ness, and since the Japanese Melee website mentioned that the developers had thought of replacing Ness with Lucas had Earthbound 64 (the original version of Mother 3) been released, we wondered if Ness was replaced by Lucas, or would return. The description on the page “Can he surpass even Ness” was interpreted as indicating both. This was a major argument for months, as Ness fans looked for hints that he’d be back and detractors (which I must say I was a part of, not because I didn’t like Ness, but because based on the information provided, I thought he and Lucas were too similar) torn them down. It was a cycle that did not end until the game came out.
But neither could surpass the mania inspired by the character confirmed between them – Sonic.
It came as a surprise announcement in the middle of the night – Nintendo held a conference, announced a bunch of stuff, and showed off two Smash Bros. videos, one making all our wishes come true by showing Sonic battling it out with the rest of the cast. After months of wondering whether or not he’d make it, we got what we wanted, and it was glorious.
The two videos actually showed a lot – it was our first footage of ‘up-to-date’ gameplay, including the new character head boxes beside the damage meters (which were confirmed in the Online post), and a couple of attacks, taunts, and some slipped new stages in the background (Norfair was the main one, but it also appears that a secret stage, Spear Pillar, was also shown). So, aside from Sonic, we actually got quite a bit on that day. And we were to get even more, because alongside the announcement came playable demos for the press.
Yes, soon videos of people actually playing the game surfaced, and we basked in the glow. What we didn’t learn from the videos, we definitely got from the demos – special moves, changes in characters, stages, final smashes, Assist trophies, items, game mechanics, etc. etc. The week after, players who could make it to E For All got the same demo, and thus we got non-press reactions. E For All also had some footage of the Adventure mode, which added to the speculation for that as well. In any case, the impressions were generally good, and no one was bitching about things as of yet (although the beginnings of it were well in place. Everyone was just a little bit high on the moment to care that much). With E For All, however, also came impressions and things learned from the game that were…less than true. All the public demos would garner fake information, and some of it was even accepted for quite a while.
Of course, all these goodies came at a price…it was soon after announced that the game was delayed until February 9th, 2008. Strangely, the reaction to this wasn’t all that bad…I think, at least getting a real glimpse of the game was enough for people. Plus, we could see we were getting a pretty content-filled game, so maybe we just knew it was going to be worth the extra two months.
Not to be outdone, the Dojo posted numerous things that weren’t even in the demo – three new stages, many returning game modes, Snake’s hilarious Codec conversations (which sparked some minor debate about how they would be handled in the game, as in, would they interrupt it?), and of course Dedede. We also got news of lots of co-op modes, including Adventure, Target Test, and Home-Run Contest, which was much appreciated. The Target Test even included the first mention of the (decent but somewhat limited) replay saving feature, which added to the fun. We also got the Stage Builder, another new feature that blew minds, although it would eventually cause nitpicking. On a lesser note, the return of Classic update, which talked about collecting coins, created some mystery about what the coins would be used for (which wasn’t ‘shopping’, as the update put it).
All in all, October was a good month. But was it too good? Would following months live up to it? Well…

November 2007
November starts a period I like to call ‘The Great Whining’. How so? After all the features revealed in October, alongside the demo, people kept expecting their desire to be fulfilled daily. But the Dojo still had to catch up on a number of things revealed in the demo, and that consisted of a good chunk of the month. This alone caused people to whine about how boring the updates were getting, because they knew this stuff already. The rest of the updates didn’t help, as there were no new characters all month (one of the main reasons for moaning, and a defining feature of The Great Whining), and the thing was pretty much basic feature-heavy.
Although updates like the ones on the return of character entrances, multiple taunts, and the colour varieties were good, they lost impact because of the demo. And the others, on things like the new handicap options, widescreen mode, and Training were a tad underwhelming for the audience. Even some features that should have sparked some interest, like the Spectator mode, were met with hostility for no reason other than boredom-induced groaning.
Although new final smashes, Assist Trophies, and music appeared throughout the month, they were never met with much enthusiasm (maybe because they were never exciting unto themselves for most, but rather were swept along with other great things). Some of them even caused bitching – a joke-y comment about ‘wouldn’t it be cool if Gray Fox was playable?’ turned into a torrent of ‘why wasn’t Gray Fox playable??’ despite all common sense. The Great Whining affected all things.
It wasn’t until the very end of the month that we got some better stuff – the return of Events and some stages from Melee, but once again the excitement was stifled but general ill-feelings at that point. After so much greatness, it felt so weird for everyone to be sort of miserable. December wouldn’t necessarily fix that, but it was a better month over all.
One more thing: we got an update explaining Lucas’ special moves, which only furthered the “Will Lucas replace Ness?” debate. The update itself referred to Ness in the past tense, which contributed to the replaced side, but Lucas’ moves being different contributed to the for returning side. Of course, the debate would rage on for a few months more.

December 2007
Remember when this was the release date? Yeah, other people did as well. Even so, it wasn’t that much of a downer for people. Considering the frustration with the updates at that point, though, they really couldn’t get any worse off.
December was an improvement, though, in that there were a lot more exciting updates and general new stuff. There were still things that were scoffed at for being too technical – the options menu and online ‘sharing’, for example. But we also got some good things, too – Co-op Events, for example, the Coin Launcher mini-game, the Trophy stands concept, Kirby’s new hats, and other things. Some things even inspired some conversation and/or controversy!
The With Anyone/Basic Brawl update should have been rather tame, but it included the information that ‘most’ of the characters would be unlocked through the Adventure mode, which was an interesting development (the first real mention of the presence of secret characters, too, which no one thought wouldn’t happen, but worth mentioning all the same) The aforementioned Options update, although generally unappreciated, did unveil some of the other menus in the game, giving more ideas for how things in the game worked.
When the earlier online updates this month were posted showing the demo character select screen, some began to think that was the starting line-up, despite lacking some crucial characters (Kirby, for example, and Wario). With the ‘unlocking’ conditions mentioned earlier, they figured that the game would go Tekken and have tons of easily unlocked characters, whether they made sense as unlockable or not. Everyone pretty much ignored them, and the screen changed later when the full default select screen popped up.
One of the more controversial updates was “Overalls Wario”, the revelation that Wario would get his classic look alongside his WarioWare gear. Many people were hoping for alternative costumes for all characters, but this update, which said “But Wario alone is special” killed that idea cold. Some still clung to the possibility of a mistranslation, but nope, everything said the same thing. Oh well.
Strangely, there wasn’t that much of an outcry when two characters that had decent support as playables, Waluigi (why, I don’t know) and Stafy, were revealed as Assist Trophies. People usually got upset about these things, but there was hardly a peep. Must have been that ol’ Christmas spirit they were feeling.
There was also the Frigate Orpheon stage, which ended some dumb conspiracy theory about the developers of the game having some sort of grudge against Metroid Prime, apparently evident because of the lack of Prime-based content (they even nitpicked Samus’ design in the game, saying it looked more like the design in Super Metroid) and because in an interview with the Metroid Prime 3 team, they said no elements from the game were ‘borrowed’ from them for Smash.It was great that the Dojo once again shut people up.
Outside the Dojo, there was one important news item. After the announcement of Sonic, people were hungry for more third party characters. I mean, the site said they’d have two or three in total a year ago, didn’t it? The leader of the pack when it came to support was, as one would guess, Capcom’s Mega Man. I mean, he’d work perfectly, and be so fun (the people who said he’d be a clone of Samus obviously never played a Mega Man or Metroid game).
But alas, it was not to be. In an interview with MM creator Keiji Inafune, he was asked if Mega Man was in Brawl. Inafune said that “Nope. But wouldn’t that be great? Nintendo should call me, make it happen” (of course, not exactly like that). For most, this was all that needed – the game scheduled to be released in two months, not enough time for it to happen. Of course, there were some who refused to stop believing – “He might be throwing us a red herring!” they yelled. But we all knew the truth – there was no Mega Man in the game. Maybe another third party character would show up…
Before the beginning of the New Year, the Dojo announced it would be taking a weeklong break. People whined about it, but it might have been a good idea for poster and reader, giving us a week to relax and think about all that happened over the past year, while preparing for…the final countdown.

And that’s where 2007 ends. In the next instalment, get ready for massive revelations, mad ‘prophets’, and the truth, finally revealed.

DUMB ARGUMENTS AND OTHER DUMB THINGS:

-Some posters on a website that shall not remain nameless, NeoGAF, whined about the quality of music being posted on the Dojo. They thought it was too MIDI, wanted more orchestration, yadda yadda you get the deal. Some geniuses among them began to theorize that the samples were, in fact, not the real thing, but rather just an ‘overview’ of the song, which would end up being orchestrated. Yeah, think about the logic of THAT.

-Oh IGN, IGN, IGN…devoted much time and effort to keeping up with the latest news, but contained that air of fanboy prattling that makes me dislike the site so much. Their weekly ‘stories’ where they listed a group of possible characters became a staple, but not one that was read much.
IGN’s biggest contribution of bull to the speculation field, though, came from a statement where they nudge nudge wink winked us into thinking they had the inside information that were to be more third-party characters other than Sonic, and more than we were thinking. This turned out to be completely false, but thus is the quality of IGN’s rumormongering. How’s that new Kid Icarus announcement coming along?

The Big List of Real Funny Names

2009-02-18T21:22:00.005-06:00

Using this, you can search up the names of dead people. Naturally, one would want to exploit this for all it's worth, looking up whatever humorous names one could find. This post will be used to list all the good finds:

DARK ANDERSON
ISADORE ANUS
HALO BAER
SHADOW R BERGER
PIRATE BLACK
HANS BLOB
George W Boner
HORACE D BOOB
JOSI BOOGER
BURR CROWS BREAST
PUNCH BRIGGS
SPACE BUCK
ELECTRIC BUTTRAM
CHOCOLATE CHAN
FAT CHEW
Chin Chink
DALLAS CHIPS
HYMAN CHUD
ENOCH COCK
DOUCHE COLES
COOL JOE COOL
INGEBORG A CUM
THEODORE DERP
LOUIE GHOST DOG
PHILLIP DOG TAKING DOG
VIVA DORKS
CHAR P DOUCHE
FURRY FANNIE
DIXIE FIGHT
AMERICA FIST
BEN FRANKENSTEIN
LOL FUGIT
SMILE GAMES
IMA R GAY
UBIQUITOUS P GOD
HARRY GOOBER
ROBERT T WOLF GUTS
BONER HAMMERS
HAY HAY
O HAP HENRY
SLIMER HILL
YODA HOLMES
VIRGIL CHARLES DOG WITH HORNS
BEN HURR
SAD J JACKSON
DOCTOR D JAY
THICK JEW
CRAZY JIM
HITLER JOHNSON
CHASTITY N JUSTUS
FRED E KRUEGER
BUS LIVENGOOD
MARY A LOBSTER
SMILE LOVE
MANLY MANN
LESTER MEAT
TARD MIX
IWANNA MOORE
WHALE MUSE
FATHALLA NAKED
ISSA NAZI
NUDE NOBLES
OLEY NOES
Captain Outrageous
THE OWL
TOAST PATTON
ELEUTERIO PENIS
HANDSOME PEEPLES
MISTER PERSON
PAUL PIZZ
YODEL POLIWODA
EBONY PONCE
Jesus Poo
Z Mahboobi Poo
Chauncey MC Queer
Abraham Rape
BUNK RAPE
LOTTA RAPE
SOR REAM
JOE ROBOT
OLD SALT
SIMONE PIE L SANTANA
OMER SEX
WILLIE SEX
OCIE SHITE
BOLESLAW SLAM
IMA SMELLY
SAMUEL SPAZ
MERCY SPOONER
UNKNOWN STORM
B TARD
ALVIN E TARD
MOG THOMPSON
HEDWIG TITZ
IRON ROSCOE TOOTLE
MAJESTIC UNDERWOOD
Urban Wanker
DER WAT
OLD WHISKERS
CHEESE WILLIAMS
MURDER WILLIAMS
BONES WILSON
SAUCY WILSON
FUK YU

Hidy Hole

2009-02-16T23:27:00.002-06:00

This week is a non-school week. I hope to get things done. Also, Street Fighter.

I've always been thinking of finishing the two other parts of this, just in time for the one year anniversary of the game's release. Boy, doing something to celebrate a year since the release of one game sure sounds pathetic, but you must remember that this game in particular basically absorbed my life for almost two years. Wait, that only makes me sound even more pathetic. I have nowhere to go...

Wow, I can't believe Conan leaves this week. It just seemed to creep up on us all. I don't know how to feel; I've been watching this show for 8 years now, and now it's going to be gone, replaced by a retard pandering to an audience of idiots. Okay, at best, it could just be transferred to a different time slot (where I'd miss it due to work most of the time).

What a strange time we live in.

The Great Renaming

2009-02-11T19:18:00.003-06:00

I decided I'm going to be more loose when it comes to labelling here. Having a strict set of labels for everything can be handy, but they don't describe everything to 100% accuracy. Plus, I can just make up funny labels for things and then this blog will be 5% funnier, bringing it up to 5% funny.

Anyway, I have nothing to post. I was playing Tatsunoko vs Capcom for a while there, can't think of anything interesting to say about it right now. I'm waiting for Street Fighter, having nothing interesting to say about that.

So, what to do? Another tier list, of course. This one will be a tad more substantial, as it will cover beat 'em up games, because as you may have figured out I like talking about them.

Note: I know this isn't every single one ever, but I tried to include every one that matters at last moderately. Some of that shit can go straight to hell.

Top Tier
Battle Circuit
River City Ransom
Sengoku 3
Gaia Crusaders
Vendetta (Crime Fighters II)

High Tier
Streets or Rage 2
Dungeons & Dragons: Tower of Doom
Alien vs Predator
Guardians
Ninja Baseball Batman
Castle Crashers
Metamorphic Force
Golden Axe: Revenge of Death Adder
Final Fight III
Violent Storm
Armored Warriors
Knights of the Round
Cadillacs & Dinosaurs
Warriors of Fate
The Punisher
Undercover Cops
Hook
Asterix
Captain Commando
Streets of Rage III
Warrior Blade: Rastan Saga III

Mid Tier
Turtles in Time
Final Fight/Final Fight II
The Simpsons
X-Men
Streets of Rage
King of Dragons
Batman Returns (SNES)
Pulirula
Shadow Warriors
Double Dragon
Golden Axe/Golden Axe II/Golden Axe III
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtes III: The Manhattan Project
Burning Fight
The Combatribes
Gaiaopolis
Spider-Man: The Videogame
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Captain America & The Avengers
Growl

Low Tier
Night Slashers
Ninja Kids
Arabian Fight
Sengoku II
Sengoku
Renegade
Double Dragon III
DD Crew

Bottom Tier
Crime Fighters

An Unknown Substance Called...the mass

2009-02-02T21:36:00.003-06:00

First things first, and then there were none.
Vs. System provided me many hours of Internet fun, and I applaud it for that. There may never again be something where Superman and Howard the Duck can stand side by side and both be effective Parademon deterrents.
********************************************************************************

But enough with the weepy stuff, now onto the strange.

Reading this review of some obscure cartoon whose existence means nothing to anyone, I came across the following passage, which interested me:

"Some things, apparently, resist anthropomorphization and as a result can be neither understood nor managed; I cannot, for the life of me, attribute any distinctly human characteristics to the people who made The Adventures of the American Rabbit. Any human being, no matter how mentally incapacitated, would be cognitively developed enough (by the very fact of their humanity) to never produce a film like this. Perhaps it is the work of amoebas."

Now, I think this a lot actually, when I see movies or TV shows of a certain kind (kids stuff, mainly). What I see, I just cannot imagine a human being, an actual modern, normal person, creating it. Most of the time, I don't even care, and thus the questions do not arise. But when I do, its...jarring, to say the least. Who made this? How did they make this? What possessed them to make it? It'd be far more comforting if the things were a product of robots, like Archie comics are.

The Months of the Year Tier

2009-01-30T23:07:00.002-06:00

In the tradition of ranking things so people do not have to think for themselves:

THE MONTHS TIER LIST

Top Tier
June
May

High Tier
July
September
August
December

Mid Tier
October
April
March
November

Low Tier
February

Bottom Tier
January

A BLACK DAY

2009-01-26T18:43:00.005-06:00

The new Reese's Chocolate Bar, apparently limited edition, is out.

It is great. Huge, and with right kind of soft chocolate that creates the all-so desirable Reese's cup taste. Highly recommended before they disappear...without a trace!

************************************************************************************

As you may have heard, The Dark Knight was not nominated for the Best Picture academy award, and Chris Nolan was not nominated Best Director. Frankly, I find this hilarious.

Now, I don't hate the movie (actually, I haven't seen it yet), nor have anything against the director, the writers, the actors, or any of the crew involved with its production. That's not the point. The point is: anything that makes nerds on the Internet outraged is inherently funny to me, so I actively support whatever measures screw with them.

Generally, nerds ignore the Oscars, because think they are stupid and pointless and don't actually reward quality films (they'd be right most of the time). But the time for scoffing at the awards ended when a Batman movie suddenly became critically acclaimed and a box office dynamo. When The Dark Knight became a contender, the nerds decided they needed to push it as much as possible; finally, one of "their" movies could be a winner, and thus them by association!

That's really all it is: geeks want to see their worthless lives validated by having an adaptation of a nerdy property win it big. It has nothing to do with film quality. Its all about them and their narrow minded obsessions.

So they decided to began to campaign. Up to the final nominee announcements, it really was up in the air whether or not the film would be nominated. It has that nerd factor against it, but on the other hand lots of people liked it, it made lots of money (its funny they keep bringing that up, because nominating movies because they made a lot of money is usually an argument for why the nominations suck), and one of its stars died which is so sad. I threw it in as a possible wild card, but wasn't really expecting it.

Then came the announcement, and while Ledger got a supporting actor nod (which he is guaranteed to win because he is dead and oh is it sad), but nothing else. The nerds RAAAGED. Raged as much rage as rage could rage. The academy suddenly became biased and stupid and THEY WILL REGRET THIS and blah blee blee bloo blah. This really isn't any different from any other Oscar season, but dammit they insulted the nerds DIRECTLY and they can't stand it.

Looking at the nomination list for best picture, only about half the movies really deserved it. While Slumdog Millionaire and Frost/Nixon were obvious and deserved (the former is gonna take it, BTW), Milk, Benjamin Button, and The Reader have been met with mixed critical opinions. Button is sort of a sad case because the one film that its great director has made with a nomination is one of his lowlier ones. And the latter movie was nominated possibly because two of its directors died, possibly. Not exactly an excellent award plate, but its standard procedure at this point.

One thing, though: I don't see many people whining about The Wrestler being left off, despite acclaim. I guess if it starred a man in a bat costume, it'd get more people behind it. Oh well.

**********************************************************

Dear God, the number of people whining "I want a new beat 'em up instead" or "I want them to re release Turtles in Time instead" when talking about the new TMNT fighting game is fucking grating. Do they just acquire one mindset about every franchise and are completely unable to exit it? I like the Turtle beat 'em ups, too, but I like the promise of a new good fighting game even more.

Gawwwwwwwwwd.

Hey there

2009-01-19T22:48:00.002-06:00

I caved and purchased Tatsunoko vs Capcom form Play-Asia. I have got the proper hacks to make it work, and have shut off my Wiinternet to prevent updates that could take place between now and when the game comes in the mail. Looking forward to it (well, I'd have to, considering how much I'm paying for it). The last thing I ordered from Play-Asia took 11 work days to get here (I think). Can this order beat the mail system's record?

But anyway, some games I am looking forward to this year:

Street Fighter IV - Of course.
Rhythm Heaven - Yes, uh-huh.
Mario & Luigi 3 - I didn't play the second one, but the premise of this one is so outlandish I have to try it.
Prototype - Just saw a video for this. It looks incredible.
Punch-Out!! - I gotta have it. Even though we know next-to-nothing about it, I have confidence that the guys behind Mario Strikers will know how to make it right.
TMNT Fighting Game - I mean, they got some of the Brawl developers behind this! I'm always receptive to promising fighting games, and with the pedigree on this, I am excited. Plus, some of the ideas they had on display so far were pretty good. See illegal scans here, thief.

Errup

2009-01-08T22:36:00.002-06:00

Here's a post.

I have listened to, over the last week or so:

Clouds Taste Metallic
The Soft Bulletin
Mellow Gold
Mutations
Who's Next

I feel so cool, getting so much new music recently. It's a grand old time.

Do you want me to comment on Hearst/UGO buying 1UP.com, killing EGM, and sacking a lot of the staff? Fine then.

It's sad to see a lot of great writers get let go. I've been unjustly hard on 1UP in the past out of some dumb bias shit, but they really are one of the few sites with some integrity left, and an actual desire to be interesting rather than pander to the nerdishness of the majority of gamers. The sit will still be around, with some of the staff still around, so it isn't dead yet. Even so, the large number of talented people who lost their jobs is an incredibly sad affair, and I wish them all the best.

Do I believe that the new owners will corporately destroy the soul of the site? No, not until I see it happen. UGO may be another haven for fanboys, but I'm not going to jump to conclusions.

2008: GRRRRR

2009-01-01T22:47:00.004-06:00

Well, you waited long enough. So here you go, the 10 things that were not so good in 2008. PREPARE FOR ANGRY.

Resident Evil 5 Controversy

All it took was one column...one column making the observation of "Hey, this game has a snow-white asshole going around gunning down poor black people. Think about it"...to send the nerds of the Internet into a uncontrollable explosion of rage and casual racism. Albeit, the same column's claim that "obviously no black people worked on this game" is a bit duh, because it's Japanese (which is really the explanation for the whole thing, as they Japanese still don't really 'get it'), but it doesn't excuse the pure, unbridled stupidity on display from many people in reaction. It only went to prove two of my own observations: that gamers can't take any criticism of their hobby, and that most nerds are kind of racist.
Later on, we get extra fun from this subject, with the game's developers unintentionally including a horrible AIDs metaphor, and the inclusion of an African sidekick, who as Yahtzee points out actually looks less black and more 'dipped in tea'.
The game? Oh yeah, it'll probably be good.

AICN

I've been avoiding this site for a while now, but I was unfortunately exposed to quite a few bits of it in 2008, and ohhh boy they were doozies. We began with that horrific man-mountain Harry Knowles getting an exclusive review of Cloverfield, giving us the expected hyperbolic statements of quality we expect from him. The movie itself, as we found out, was exceedingly mediocre to passable. In the summer, Harry followed up by blowing a gasket about the rumors of Will Smith playing Captain America (which would be kind of cool), and was relieved when it was confirmed that it was not the case, as if nuclear holocaust had been averted (more proof of my stated belief above).
Of course, those are the main two I say, and I made sure never to look back ever again after that. I'm sure if you took a few more peaks, you'd find lesser or equal stupidity on the part of Knowles and his nerdy men.

Videogame Websites

No, not all of them. I just needed something general to describe my two main targets: Kotaku and IGN.
Kotaku should be a good tool for getting all your game news in one place, but to find it you have to wade through a ton of personal crap, including that aggravating loser whose only purpose is to be 'the guy who lives in Japan', which I'm sure is the wet dream of the site's readership. Speaking of the readership, shit like this, this, this, and this are even worse when you read some of the comments. I mean, it's just really horrible.
IGN is quickly becoming the AICN of the videogame world (even more than Kotaku), and I'm getting that vibe strictly from the Nintendo half, where every week is Matt C. has a fanboy spasm and still thinks we believe he has 'insider info' about a new Kid Icarus which has apparently been scheduled to be revealed at every trade show for the past 500 years or so. The site's review for Super Smash Bros. Brawl annoyed me with just a few lines whining about third party character inclusions (the dumb character selection complaining may be as bad as any hysterical tantrums thrown by hardcore tourney players not getting the exact game they wanted). They also whined about the original enemies in the Adventure mode, too, but to be fair, so did the cast of the 1Up Show. The 9.9 handjob for MGS4 a few months later was only the icing on the stupid cake that is IGN.

Prop 8

And even with the election hyping a new direction in the course of American politics, a largely pro-democrat state also happens to take away the rights of many of its citizens for no reason other than bigotry. When CALIFORNIA decides it doesn't like gay people more than Massachusetts, a state that is well-known almost exclusively for witch burnings, you know there's a problem.

Franchise Revivals

Both Indiana Jones and the X-Files tried to make a comeback in 2008, both decrepit, dancing for quarters from the audience; it was sad. At least the former has a reasonable enough explanation for its failure: George Lucas can ruin anything within in his general vicinity. But the new X-Files movie? It seems that the creative staff decided that the best possible way to bring it back was to eschew the conspiracy storyline (which was a good idea) and instead make about some gay lovers making a transsexual Frankenstein monster and the Priest who helps track them down with his molestation-based telepathy (not a good idea). Maybe they were infected with George Lucas?
On a lesser scale, but still in the same vein: it really is disheartening to hear about the diminishing returns of the Futurama movies. It was a brilliant series, and Bender's Big Score was decent fun...so what the hell happened? There have been a few logical ideas of why the movies dipped, it's still so very very sad. I can only hope for a miracle to save Wild Green Yonder from the same fate.

Twilight

I first encountered the Twilight books back in August, and was so disgusted by the premise of Breaking Dawn that I instantly grew to loathe everything related to it and ridicule it whenever possible. Then I found out about the movie. Then my mom started reading the books. It's been a nonstop torrent of this fan fiction-level vampire melodrama since then.

Canadian Politics

First, the Conservatives spend the first half of the year introducing many many bad laws. Then in the fall, suddenly there's an election! Everything was destined to stay the same, because the Liberals spent their time as opposition picking their noses and being scared by their own shadows (but at the same time, most of the country won't give majority power to a friend of Bush). Some amusing things happened, but overall it was standard.
Then came the Coalition incident, and now it was time for massive spin-doctoring as I've never seen up here. The fact that the people BOUGHT a lot of the bullshit fed to them reveals that the Canadian populace doesn't know their own political system as well as I thought. Hey, we can be idiots, too!

Awesome People Dying

George Carlin? Dead. Bo Diddley? Dead. Isaac Hayes? Dead. Stan Winston? Dead. Steve Gerber? Deceased. David Foster Wallace? Pushing daisies. Sho'Nuff? Oh, you better believe he's dead.

Seriously, that is awful. So many good people, artists and entertainers, no longer able to give us stuff. It is inevitable, but it still stings.

Slurpees

This may have only been in the latter months of 2008, but the closest 7-11 to me (the one I can walk to) has been going through a terrible period where there Pepsi slurpees tasted dreadful, and then they took the only viable option, Dr. Pepper, away. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that the Pepsi slurpees became decent again, but Dr. Pepper is still on hiatus. How am I going to continue killing myself with sugar when shit like this happens?

Republicans

Holy, did the voter crowds become downright INSANE in the latter days before the election. Apparently, the protected-from-witches Republican VP did indeed energize the base...unfortunately, the base was an angry, paranoid mob. And I don't know whether to feel sorry or despise John McCain, who would try to rise above his eventual pool of support and then pander to it. This whole thing was very sad and infuriating, but I'll leave the real details for the big boy blogs, if you decide to seek them out.

I mean, I spent most of this list making fun of game nerds.

The 30 things about 2008

2008-12-30T22:55:00.003-06:00

I know people like shit like this, so I decided to do this too. Not only that, it feels good to get this stuff all out in the open before year's end.

Eight Things I Liked in 2008

Crossover Fighting Games

My waiting for Smash Bros. Brawl finally came to end this year, and lo I was happy. The last month of speculation was both fun and frustrating (with dumbasses wailing about the things they wanted but didn't get), but very memorable in any case.
And when the days of Smash Bros. excitement had ceased, I was given another thing to get giddy about: a new Capcom VS. game! Tatsunoko vs Capcom kept me busy for the rest of the year, and I loved every minute of it. Thank you Nintendo and Capcom for your gifts to me!

Old Albums

I barely bought any new CDs this year...just the new Beck, Brian Wilson, and Sloan albums (I liked all three of them). However, I totally made up for it by buying and downloading a ton of older albums. Lots and lots of Bowie, some Beck, Pet Sounds...and others. It's been a good year for discovering music that I missed. I just recently added Ween's The Mollusk to that list, and it yet another excellent album. Thank you, learning how to use torrents properly!

Webcomics

Some people hate webcomics. I hate the bad ones (most of which can be seen skewered here), but found quite a few great ones this year. The major ones: This one and this one. Oh c'mon, I'm not going to tell you what they are...go read 'em, ya lazy jerk! I guarantee a million laughs, or your money back. And since I get paid nothing for this, you would get nothing back! Hahahahahahaha!

Ordering Online

Man, now that I can do this, I can get so many things. I bought comics I had only dreamed about! I imported a videogame all the way from Hong Kong! It's so fun and requires very little effort on my part.

Venture Bros.

My favourite show on TV. No other cartoon, and maybe even not-cartoon, has been able to combine loving geek references, great dialogue, and intricate storytelling like this one. Season 3 wasn't as strong as season 2, but it still had many brilliant moments throughout: the return of Henry Killinger, the Victorian superteam with Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde fighting Nichola Tezla in a blimp, the whole creepy climax in the Dr. Qym episode, pretty much everything to do with Sergeant Hatred, and the final two episodes with their awesome, bombastic action sequences.
I can't believe I have wait another year for another season. Le sigh.

Final Fantasy on XBox

Not that I actually care about FF anymore, but the E3 announcement of Numero 13 being on the 360 and the fanboy explosion was easily one of the funniest things ever. If only Metal Gear ended up on XBox instead of the fucking iPhone, oh the laughs we could have had!

Companies Remaking Games I Like

They remade two of my favourite games ever, Chrono Trigger and Kirby Super Star, for the DS. So now they can be the favourite games of everyone who didn't get to play them on the SNES....OR ELSE. Me? I didn't buy them. I have the originals, I don't need to waste money on that.

Downloadable Games

Lots of video game stuff this year! With games like Braid and Castle Crashers, and now Street Fighter II Remix, downloadable games have been getting a lot of publicity recently. And really, it's a good thing: a lot of games that would have never got off the ground are getting a better chance, and some genres long since extinct (like my beloved beat 'em ups) have the chance to be revived without people complaining about prices for arcade-type games. Plus, it means for simple to get into fun for us all. I am looking forward to the new age of the downloadable games!

Well, this is what I feel like doing today. Sometime soon..HATRED!

Legion of Derp

2008-12-29T23:57:00.003-06:00

I'll have that best of/worst of list thingy up tomorrow, probably. But now, for an amusing piece of Canadian politics!

Apparently, there's some sort of anti-abortion caucus up here, and its current chairman is a local lad. He hopes to re-open the abortion debate, which no one wants re-opened. Of course, his argument pretty much shows why he and his ilk will never be taken seriously.

Although apparently you can do a ton of shit with unborn fetuses and its perfectly legal! Let's huck 'em at cars!

2008 of ME - Top Videos

2008-12-25T22:44:00.002-06:00

Just like last year, my favourite videos of the year (screw the next week or so, I'm doing it now):

25)

24)

23)

22)

21)

20)

19)

18)

17)

16)

15)

14)

13)

12)

tied with

11)

10)

9)

8)

7)

(Watch the whole series, they're all worth it)

6)
(Not embeddable, goddammit. Oh well, Not Work Safe)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7jVnrfoZD8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcnQDYnGtS8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fA07Tw4iEFw

5)

4)

3)

2)

1)

Some of the picks would have been different if the posters didn't keep CLOSING THEIR ACCOUNTS.

A Beat 'Em Up Christmas Part Two

2008-12-24T22:17:00.002-06:00

And we're back. It's almost like this thing is live!

Multiplayer! And make it simple!

Of course, multiplayer is a must. A old, arcade-style beat 'em up becomes all the better if you can share it with a friend...or three, preferably. I'm probably not paying attention, but there doesn't seem to be many 4-player co-op games anymore.
Of course, for multiplayer, you need to set it up so that it's simple for another player to join the game. I know it's difficult, and developers usually set up different modes for solo play and multiplay (especially if it involves online). But it's so much more relaxing if your buddies can join in whenever they want, and you don't need to set anything up. It's an impossible dream, I know, but if Smash Bros. Brawl could do it with its Adventure mode...
Another thing: for multiplayer to really work, you need to make the game geared towards having multiple people. Otherwise, it's just more than one guy beating up a pack of enemies, not much different from solo. Make things more interesting in multiplayer games: throw in extra stuff you can't do alone, or give characters things that help a party. The above example, the woefully underrated Golden Axe: Revenge of Death Adder, has both: not only can two or more players perform a powerful throw move together, but one character even has a special move that produces enough healing items for 4 players. Another example is in the Simpsons arcade game, where if you have 4 players, you can pick up a police car and throw it at enemies. It's the little stuff like that which make the game way more interesting.

Make Battles Epic

At heart, beat 'em ups are just defeating wave after wave of enemies. Some games like to keep those waves small, and some, like Warriors of Fate (above) and Alien vs Predator, prefer to surround you with tons of enemies. This may seem unfair, but giving your characters a lot of good attacks, and giving you abilities like being able to throw enemies at other enemies, and things become managable. The epic battle concept is essential to one of the successors to the arcade beat 'em up throne - Dynasty Warriors, which is not coincidentally based on the same material as the example (Chinese war just needs to be huge, you know?) This concepy may not work in every game, but especially in a game with 3 or 4 players, surrounding you with plentiful adversaries makes things feel much grander.
One of the big problems with beat 'em ups is the lack of enemy variety. Since you're just throwing waves of them out, developers don't feel the need to make more than a dozen or so enemy types, and players notice. With the above idea, that makes it unlikley this kind of problem will be solved...but it is possible to give the illusion of variety. Just look at the old TMNT games, which gave the FOOT Soldiers different weapons all the time. Also, if you decide to have a variety of settings (and we'll talk more about that later), having a new set of enemies appear in every level might be a good idea to give the illusion of variety.

Speaking of epic and enemies, one of the most crucial elements of a beat 'em up is its boss fights. To keep giving off that grand atmosphere, bosses really need to be larger than life. One needs to put all their creativity into those battles, creating bosses that throw curveballs at the player whenever possible. Variety among bosses is absolutely essential, although reusing bosses for things like gauntlets (those dreaded things, although sometimes they just feel right). They need to be insane. And if the boss can't do it...surround it with minions, which Warriors of Fate does. Just make sure the boss rights are awesome, alright?

Go all out

One of things that make me love the beat 'em up genre is that the developers, especially in the arcade heyday, felt the need to make things insane. Look at the characters and settings in Battle Circuit: there's a billion things going on there, and you know what? It's great. In stage 2 you fight an Elvis impersonator in a disco ballroom, later you fight a baboon with a jet pack and a knight on a chariot pulled by slugs...and then you get to play as a pink ostrich with an eyepatch. That kind of anything-goes mentality just makes these games feel more fun.
Because you want to give players a greater variety, considering that the basic game is pretty simple, conceits that let your characters go from a forest to a sewer to the moon seems a far better fit. Even though the majority of the games, early on especially, were Double Dragon and Final Fight knockoffs, the genre has been free enough to go all over the map. And I myself prefer that - I'd rather fight martian robots in a jungle than some mohawked guys in an alleyway.
I think the gist of this is that you might need some hallucinogenics when making a beat 'em up to make it good. Don't feel the need to stick to anything...dammit, don't even feel the need to make any sense. Just go where the action is, even if it is the moon.

A little personality goes a long way...

To go along with the previously established fun atmosphere, it is imperiative the game have characters that are distinct and are just enjoyable to have around. This goes for both playable characters and bosses. This can be done through a variety of means: visual style, character designs, animations, and voice. One of the most fun things about Konami's beat 'em up efforts, like the above Violent Storm, is that they gave the bosses opening lines before the battle, and that was awesome. It made the bosses that much more enjoyable, because they felt like real characters.
In the end, all these elements combine to give a game a fun atmosphere. I guess there can be games that don't go for the goody kitchen sink approach...but when there are so many other dreary games out there, I'd rather just have something with a sense of humor.

Well, that's all I can think of right now. If any other ideas/inspirations comes up, I'll make a new part, probably under a new title, because calling something Christmas in May seems a tad dumb

A Beat 'Em Up Christmas (Part 1)

2008-12-24T17:48:00.004-06:00

I've been saving this up for a while.

I've been spending a great amount of time over the last few years watching many arcade game videos on Youtube. Through it, I have discovered my love of the beat 'em up genre. It's a simple genre, one that most have played at one point or another. It's a genre that is woefully underrepresented in the modern game landscape, with only homages (like Castle Crashers) and descendants (the action games that are based on Devil May Cry). And while Crashers is a start, I'd love to see the good ol' straightforward mutliplayer games more often.

Considering how simplistic the genre is, I understand how hard it can be to make it right. But by looking into a variety of classic games, I have seen the elements in them that make them so good. Any beat 'em up that wants to be great, too, may need to take the following pointers to heart:

Large Movesets

This is one of the simplest, but most essential, things to have. Considering that the extent of the gameplay is "go over there, beat up those guys", it's a good idea to give the players a variety of ways to beat up those guys over there, so it doesn't get boring. Aside from the standard combos, air attacks, throws, and clearing moves, give them some fighting game-style special moves with different effects, more throws, hell even a dash attack would be cool. Games like the above example, Guardians, give their characters HUGE movesets, which added to the fact that there many characters to play as (see next suggestion), adds to the variety and options you have for gameplay.

In conclusion, while Double Dragon and even Final Fight have their place, basing your character movesets on those types of games is not the wisest of moves. Give players options, people!

Characters who are Different

The above game, Gaia Crusaders, has 7 playable characters in total (5 at the start, and 2 more who become available halfway into the game). Each of them have a unique fighting style, which adds to the variety the game gives the player (you could play the game as the kickboxer, or the robot, or the magician, and each would give you a slightly different experience). This is something that's been around since Final Fight, and could easily be expanded upon. Yes, give us the fast/slow/balanced guys, but think about other stuff, like controls and what moves they have (Haggar and the wrestler-style characters are the most obvious example), give them little other things that they could do, like having characters with certain attacks be able to interact with the environment in different ways. Wall Jumping, how they use weapons, their reach...there's a ton of stuff to work with to make sure each character is unique and fun to play as.

Items!

Crime Fighters 2 (AKA Vendetta) is famous for the amount of items you can pick up and use as weapons. Aside from the standards like knives, you can use shotguns, whips, sandbags, bricks, beer bottles...pretty much anything not nailed down. Other games, like Alien vs Predator include a large number of firearms, with ammo, that can add to the experience. Not every great beat 'em up has such weapon variety, but damn does it make the game that much more fun. And even modern games get it: the beat 'em up-inspired Dead Rising lets you use pretty much a whole mall's worth of stuff to kill zombies.
So let players pick up up things, and give them all the weapons you can make. And hey, since we were talking about character variety, have certain characters be allowed to pick up heavier objects, or be more effective at wielding certain weapons. Synergy!

Oh, and another thing also demonstrated in the above game: down attacks! They usually end up in the more simplistic games, but man is it fun to curb stomp your enemies. I think down attacks, much like weapons, are not essential to a great game, but they add to it. One of the few little things I didn't agree with in Castle Crashers was that you could only stomp enemies once.

This is it for now. Hopefully I'll get the next one up tonight or tomorrow, but right now I need a break.

SUPER FINISH

2008-12-18T17:09:00.002-06:00

My work is done. Hurray for two weeks of freedom!

I'll probably do my next update on Christmas eve at this rate.

Beedly Beedly Beed

2008-12-15T23:25:00.002-06:00

Last work of school is almost done. Week of Christ mass is almost here. Once that is done, then a full post about...things.

IELLO

2008-12-06T13:15:00.002-06:00

Fuck yeah, Christmas Month!

The Days of Reckoning is upon me, and I am confident I will succeed.

I don't have anything interesting to say right now.

I do have plenty of year end interesting posts planned, though!

Technical Junk

2008-11-26T18:46:00.002-06:00

Schoolwork is goin' A-OK, for the most part.

I'm adding some new links on the sidebar, because I can:

http://whenwillthehurtingstop.blogspot.com/ - A site that has and will explain, in multiple parts, how comics imploded in the 90s. Fascinating stuff.

Sore Thumbs - Former EGM/1Up editors Dan "Shoe" Hsu and Crispin Boyer explore facets of game journalism. With more companies being caught in the act of stupid crap in recent years, it's really interesting to hear how this kind of thing has been going down for years.

Also, Warren Ellis betrayed my trust, letting me go back to his blog and enjoy, and then not even putting his disgusting pictures behind a link this time! For shame.

RELIEF

2008-11-22T00:19:00.005-06:00

At first I thought all this school shit was going to pile up and destroy me, but I feel I am on my way to conquering it. Hopefully it doesn't get nukes along the way.

What was released this week, videogame-wise? Why, Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe of course! Exciting.

As you may or may not know, I disdain all things MK. It's a series that has gone on for way too long, and has been consistently mediocre. Of course, I haven't played an iteration in the series since the fourth, so I am relying entirely on past experience and the word of others. But why should I play games I have no interest in? Plus, it's not like any of the lame conceptual things are getting any less lame.

MK vs. DC has a number of problems on its own without the added burden of being MK. The brand crossing is nonsensical, jarring even. It reeks of latching onto he coattails of better projects...better projects, I might add, that came out a decade ago. It's the last act of a desperate franchise.

I could mention that the game seems toned down in violence from previous MKs, disappointing the series' fanbase of drooling idiots, but I don't give a fuck.

But upon watching all the game's fatalities/"Heroic Brutalities" on Youtube (aw the modern wonders, allowing me to get the most enjoyable part of the game without having to spend any money on it), most of my preconceived notions seemed to be correct.

Another thing I noticed: what the hell is Captain Marvel doing there? I know DC wants him to be a banner character for them now, but jumping jack Jesus, he's so conceptually distant from the MK aesthetic, it's just plain bizarre. I mean, he is very much a character designed for children, even more so than any other DC character.

Also, while I for one love seeing Darkseid in a "real" fighting game (none of this JLA Task Force shit), it's too bad it's one I'll never play.

Speaking of comic book stuff...Watchmen trailer!

It's hard to pinpoint what I don't like about the new trailer. I don't even think I noticed Rorschach referring to the group as 'Watchmen' like others have. But it felt off. When the characters were speaking long strings of dialogue, it hurt my expectations. I, along with others, was growing more optimistic about the project. And while I'm not giving up on it yet, the newest previews leave me cold, definitely.

My biggest worries for this project is that it'll end up as being a lifeless recreation with details changed around (which isn't that big a problem, for the most part), completely lobotomizing the story. Some may say it's because Zack Snyder is a hack director who does the material for money. In my view, if the movie turns out this way, it won't be because Snyder is a hack, but rather that Snyder is a fanboy of the material, but for all the wrong reasons.

I mean, the reason Watchmen is partially responsible for destroying the mainstream comics scene is that fans that later became writers glommed onto the gritter elements but weren't smart enough to understand the themes.

But back to the movie, part of my fear comes from the absolutely ill-conceived Watchmen videogame.

Since I don't read EGM anymore, I didn't get the story on that. But from the excerpts and descriptions, it sounds like an abomination. Essentially taking the characters and putting them in a generic action game (complete with such horrific buzz concepts as finishing moves and a RAGE METER) under the guise of UNTOLD BACKSTORY! that no one wanted or needed.

Of course the game stars Rorschach. Aside from being the more violent/action-oriented character in the book, he's the one character who is misunderstood and will probably still be misunderstood by audiences (both the original readers and the ones brought in by the movie). They think he's a hardcore badass. He is really the representative of the logical extreme of vigilantism in superhero comics, turning into a simple-minded, Objectivist asshole. That's why he's a great character, but it's terrifying to see how some people would 'look up' to that.

The most unnerving part of the game, however, is that Snyder is right alongside the developers cheering them on. He apparently describes getting all hot and nerd bothered by seeing this stuff on screen. I'm sorry, but Watchmen really isn't something you can geek out to. Unless of course, you're one of the ones who loves it for all the wrong reasons.

Let us pray.

The Something of Boris

2008-11-17T00:11:00.003-06:00

The new James Bond movie is good, but did very little that bedazzled me. The initial two chase sequences have so much shaky cam I could barely tell what was going on, although that seemed to have fixed itself by the end.

It also suffers from feeling like a bridge film, tying the loose ends from Casino Royale and setting up this century's SPECTRE for future films. Fans of the last film may be happy to see the former, but it still makes it difficult for the film to feel standalone.

Deaths in this movie are convoluted. "We'll shoot him, and then fill him with oil!" "No, we shall fill him oil, and then shoot him!" "Maybe we should just shoot him." "SHUT UP!"

Also includes blatant Goldfinger reference!

Death and the Whiners

2008-11-11T12:21:00.004-06:00

Item: Hey, remember the year or so before the release of the PS when the idea that the system would block any copy of a game that you wasn't the one the system first 'registered', in an attempt to kill the used and rented game market (also borrowing copies from friends and replacing broken games)? Remember how terrible an idea that was?
Well Epic has another suggestion for killing that pest, years after I thought they just sort of forgot about that argument. Of course, that strategy is more one for going bankrupt than for killing this apparent menace, as consumers would rather just go elsewhere than pay money for incomplete games.

Item: Holy shit. End of an era, maybe.

Item: Back to that lovely Tatsunoko vs Capcom, I find a lot of people still complaining that the Capcom character selection is an "Keiji Inafune love-fest" (Inafune, for the unwary, is the creator of Mega Man and several one-shot Capcom games of modern times, everything from Dead Rising to Zack and Wiki. He's also head of Capcom R&D).
Now, there are 11 Capcom characters so far announced (and I don't expect more than one more will be in the final game). 4 out of those 11 are from Inafune-originated games. That there tells you something. HOWEVER, where the complaint probably comes from is the fact that 5 of the remaining 7 are the perquisite fighting game characters, and that leaves only 2 (the most recently announced Capcom characters, Saki and Viewtiful Joe) non-fighting game characters that are also from games that Inafune did not direct.
Even so, it's not like the Inafune character choices are outlandish. Two of them are from Capcom's biggest franchise (Mega Man and Roll), one of them is from a series that has been fairly prominent in recent times (Soki for Onimusha), and the last one was chosen to be the giant counterpart to Tatsunoko's Gold Lightan (and I'm sure a Lost Planet robot was chosen over Capcom's other giant robots for relevance purposes).
Just like in Smash Bros., this is just a case of making up something stupid to explain why your pet character isn't in it, rather then just go for the more logical explanations.

Ketchup

2008-11-02T20:48:00.004-06:00

In the meantime, you missed many important events, including ma birfdah and spooky H'al'lo'we'en day. Thems the breaks when I'm busy doing super important junk.

I've been playing the new Castlevania for DS. It is difficult at points, which I mean every single boss battle. All after the first have killed me approximately 4 or 5 times each before I somehow plow through them. The enemies are also jerks, but not unbeatable jerks, and the game doesn't let buying important life-saving potions become an easy task either! The difficulty, in a way, does make it different from the previous portable editions of the franchise, which I was hoping.

The main gameplay mechanic, glyphs, is pretty much a combination of the previous games soul stealing/magic cards system. It works, and finding a neato combo is fun, but it seems the actual glyph collecting is more complicated than it should be, with the things showing up after defeating certain enemies at a low rate. It would be easier it they popped up as much as the souls in Dawn of Sorrow did, but maybe I'm just missing something at the point of the game I am in currently.

The element system for the weapons works, but switching between different sets of powers so I can gut jellyfish with swords and then smash derby-wearing skeletons with pickaxes can be tiring at times. Also, aside from stuff like "fish hate lightning" and "skeletons hate hammer", the weaknesses and resistances aren't always easy to figure out without killing one first and examining the enemy guidebook.

I'm enjoying it, but I've still a ways to go before slaying Dracula. I'll get that bastard good, though.

M

2008-10-19T23:00:00.003-05:00

The mirror universe version of the movie I saw on Friday, W.

It is pretty much a straight biopic, with little in the way of mockery or even general comedy. So this isn't the weird speculatory or satirical Oliver Stone film some may have expected. There's some political theories in there, like Cheney being imperial and also the true puppet master, Karl Rove (I think that was Rove) as some sort of shadowy goblin, and emphasis on all the folks who are pretty much spineless idiots in their support of the war. Nothing too inciteful or new.
Stone's lone real contribution in the understanding of this presidency is that Bush Jr. just wants some real respect from his dad. This is probably the best part of the movie, as both Jr. and Sr. are incredibly well-acted and developed really well.
I would never call it a great film, as it spends a little too much time on the staight and narrow and has some strangely underdeveloped or cartoon-like characters (Colin Powell is entertaining, but his entire role in the film is pretty much "wet blanket to appeaser", Condaleeza Rice has a stupidly nasally voice, Larua Bush is pretty much robo-wife [not that unrealistic], and Barb Bush seems to come and go). But the best parts of the movie are touching, even if they are probably exaggerating the sympathy the people deserve in real life.

See, I can make good posts, too.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

2008-10-15T23:27:00.002-05:00

Even considering all the political hullabaloo this week, this may be the stupidest thing I'll read all week. The article itself speaks of terrible things, but the comments make the whole thing even worse.

And I guess I go back to school now. Joyous occasions.

Short

2008-10-09T15:26:00.003-05:00

This year's 7-11 Halloween flavour: White Cream Soda. Not nearly as exciting as last year's. I think the straws are the same as last year, too.

Still not in school.

I know it's almost Thanksgiving because a large frozen turkey fell on my foot.

RRAH

2008-10-04T13:05:00.002-05:00

Back to videogames. GoNintendo is a site I do visit often, only because it gets all the news into one easy-to-navigate place. If it weren't for that, I'd avoid it, as it is incredibly annoying at points and posts a little too much shit no one gives a care about.

But recently they linked to this story, whose purpose also makes me raise an eyebrow. Reggie Fils-Cromagnon may be a PR hack who rose in the ranks, but he's right here.

It hasn't even been a year since Mario Galaxy came out, and people are already asking for another one? Zelda I can understand a bit more, because it's been two years since the last one and more recently there doesn't seem to be more than a three-year break between console Zeldas. But people waited 6 years between Mario 64 and Sunshine, and 4 years between Sunshine and Galaxy. Full Mario games need time to make, especially if you want them to be good.

It's one of those fanboy things. They want and want and want now now now, but then when they get the product, they complain because it isn't exactly what they want.

Really, I'd love for them to spend some extra time if needed in order to make installments of both games different and cool. Another Zelda like Majora's Mask (as in, slightly different structure, and surreal story). And maybe a Mario that eschews the normal "Collect 120 things structure" for something else. Also, inspired by Mirror's Edge (because Mario was the original parkour game, really), it should take place in a big city.

DING DING DING

2008-10-03T16:07:00.004-05:00

Heh, and thus my patience is rewarded.

Now the strike at school has gone on for a week. Wooooooo I'm fucked.

Harr

2008-09-30T13:53:00.004-05:00

Creative writing is just "there", but sort of refreshing because I am forced to actually write stuff instead of just daydreaming about it.

On one hand the project I recently finished for it has the beginnings of the evolution of my style. On the other hand, it still feels a bit lacking. Hopefully I will improve that, because I plan on doing something similar to it for my final project.

Ohhhhh faculty strike at school. First week will be used to get as much work done as possible, but more than one week and we're looking at a fucked up year. And then I will angered, and will write something slightly perturbed in the paper, I tell you what!

Oh and I guess Nintendo news on Wednesday night/Thursday morning. Last year at this time they revealed Sonic in Smash Bros., but since there's nothing possibly akin to that this year, I have no expectations (I didn't even have expectations for anything last year, and then look what happened!) I decided to stop expecting videogame shit to happen, and just let it happen. Becomes more exciting that way. So no, unlike every Nintendo fanboy out on the webz expecting Kid Icarus to come back (HINT: It's never going to happen), I'll just wait and see what they'll actually show, not expect them to cater to my nerd whims.

Oh boyzzz

2008-09-19T18:50:00.003-05:00

The symbol trend is over...for NOW.

Now, for a nerdy stupid topic!

It was announced recently that Tatsunoko vs Capcom would be coming to the Wii (which had been rumored/speculated upon for a couple months now). Of course, as with all announcements when it comes to videogames, it was followed by Internet complainers (just the way it is). Now, I'm pretty sure most of the complaining, unlike most, is understandable: the Wii is region-locked, so that means the game can't be imported unless you mod your console. Reasonable.

Of course, the translation has bonus features, which I'm sure hardcore whiners made some time to cry about.

For example, it has an option for 'simplified controls'. Now, I don't know how these simplified controls work, but I say I don't hate the idea at all. One, simplified controls means that it might easier to work with the default Wii Remote controller. Second, I can say, from experience, simplified control schemes in Capcom's fighting games actually, generally do work. I mean, I started playing Vs. fighting games with Marvel Superheroes vs. Street Fighter on the PS1, which had simplified controls that I used. It made it fun for me as a first-timer, and ultimately I learned the hadouken motion that is now permanently lodged in my brain. Plus, it and the one in Capcom vs. SNK 2 EO (yes I got the GC one, that was the only console I had at the time!) allowed my group of non-fighting game-playing friends to get into the game and have a good time. No, most of them didn't end up like me, but so what? Fighting games are more fun with human opponents, and having that option gives a chance for more human opponents.

The other special feature is a little weirder, and little more...shall we say, stereotypical of Wii games; that being the inclusion of Wiimote Mini games. Now, personally, the concept doesn't offend me at all. If there's one thing fighting game conversions seem to lack, its extra features. Just that little something extra. (On another note, I wish more fighting games came with a tournament mode of some sort. When Super Street Fighter 2 and fucking Clay Fighter 2 have it, I don't see why its such a fucking effort for today's fighters). The games themselves might be crap, but I have no problem with them giving you more bang for your buck.

The math game in there, however, is odd. It seems to be pandering to an audience the least likely to pick up the game. But, apparently Tatsunoko is a pretty big family brand, so maybe its just giving another enticement for all those grownups who watched the shows as kids but don't play videogames. I don't know.

In any case, the actual game looks fun. Go to Youtube and look up the videos.

(8^^)

2008-09-11T17:26:00.003-05:00

Chirp Chirp.

Stupid important things in life preventing me from updating dis sheeit.

Finished Godland. It is good. Funny, thoroughly Kirby-inspired art, and moves at a good pace so you never get bored. I await future books.

Important stuff is entering my free thought space, and it's making me go crazy! Oh well, most of my responsibilities are on vacation for another day or so, so I'm good for a while now.

Reading Howard's End for school. It straddles the line between the upper-class snooty British novels that people often make fun of and the more cynical, mean-spirited British novels that I've become a fan and style-thief of (Adams). So in that way I wouldn't call it a favorite of mine, but it is interesting at points, especially when the narrator suddenly becomes a real person. A real person who not only knows what every character does and thinks, but also buys fruit. That's a bit nuts.

#>#

2008-09-05T17:09:00.005-05:00

It's supposed to be a mosquito. Or something. It actually kind of reminds me of Poindexter from the Felix the Cat cartoons.

So yes, week of school and trying to get newspaper stuff together. Almost had a freakout from all the shit, but I pulled meself together and have it pretty much all figured out.

The first book of the year is Joseph Conrad's The Secret Agent, about a bunch of unlikable weirdos in the anarchist movement. Of course there's more to it than that, but that's all you're getting. Naaaaah!

Finally saw The Big Lebowski. It is indeed an inventive comedy. I can see why everyone likes it so much, but I respect it more than absolutely adore it.

My friend inspired me to go on a Bowie kick with him. I've thus listened to Aladdin Sane and "Heroes", and am currently downloading a complete version of Ziggy Stardust (I was missing some of the songs and just wanted the best quality I could get) and Lodger. This is the best bender I've ever had, I think. Who needs new albums!

I ordered three books from Amazon (the first time I've done it), and it was in fact very cheap and arrived quickly. I know they will be receiving my business the next time I want to get something semi-obscure (and maybe some things that are obscure, but in a town where even the slightest hint of obscurity gets you not carried anywhere, the order of obscurity in the things I get is of no consequence). I will read my shiny new Godland and Scud books once order has been restored to the force.

$_$

2008-08-30T23:16:00.003-05:00

Statements with truth added into them, #1:

"Why does anyone listen to X critics anymore, they don't have the same opinions as me, so obviously they're wrong."

Yes I heard it on a message board.

Well damn

2008-08-22T00:09:00.001-05:00

It...It's me.

+8B

2008-08-21T23:10:00.002-05:00

Playing Jump Ultimate Stars has of course made me curious to see what some of these comics are all about. I've read some of the translated stuff in the American mag, but that was years ago and it still doesn't seem to have covered everything.

Now, I generally don't care much about Japanese comics. I'm sure there's great stuff out there, but I just haven't found it. Most of the ones you get bombarded with, namely because of showings of the animation adaptations, are comics for adolescent boys (that still seem to find fans that are technically adults, but I digress). Not to say they are terrible as boy's comics; they serve their purpose well enough, and I can't expect that crowd to instantly go for the same surrealist masterpieces I do. Even so, technically 2000 AD was also an adolescent boy's comic, and the stuff it had just seem to be more interesting. But that's being unfair, too. I mean, it's not Shonen Jump's fault it didn't have Alan Moore and Grant Morrison and fucking Judge Dredd.

So, during my searches for information on the series in the game I didn't know much about, I didn't find anything that equals, say, Nemesis the Warlock, but they are bit more interesting (or fun) than I would have thought. The two main ones were Majin Tantei Nogami Neuro and Pyu to Fuku! Jaguar.

Neuro is about a demon that literally eats mysteries, which by itself is a pretty cool concept. He has gotten his fill in Hell, so he decides to go to Earth and look for more mysteries to chow down on. He ends up manipulating a teenage girl into becoming a detective and finding mysteries for him. It sort of reminds me of the idea of someone going out and causing the crimes he then solves (which, as it turns out, was basically the idea for a British comic called The Bogie Man, created by some 2000 AD alumni, and also having the idea that the main characters thinks he is some sort of composite of every character every played by Humphrey Bogart). I probably wouldn't read it if I saw it in a bookstore, because the whole anime thing, but I like the foundation.

Jaguar is a comedy, about a man named Jaguar, who plays the recorder (AKA the worst instrument to ever exist). However, he is so good with the recorder, he can make it sound like any instrument he wants. As it turns out, he was part of a experiment to create a band so good that it will bring about world peace. By itself the concept is strange, but I connected to it in a way because I, like most gradeschoolers, have experienced playing the recorder and hearing recorder music, which thankfully will never pop up again as long as you exist. It's a connection thing, I guess. I find recorder humor amusing, because I was there once.

Those are the only two standouts I can think of right now. There was that one where aliens took over edo-period Japan and wacky stuff happens. And there's Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, which I have read a tiny bit, is utter nonsense, but I find absolutely hilarious. But the point I've established is the Jump line up contains some comics whose concept amuse me, and it's not all super powered freaks throwing lasers at each other. But that's the majority of it. Damn Akira Toriyama.

Speaking of comics, I may order some Godland trades and the big Scud: The Disposable Assassin collection. I have good things about both, and I'm looking for a new fix that isn't reading the second volume of Transmetropolitan, which I bought months ago and should read and then move onto the rest of them.

(++++)

2008-08-16T23:07:00.003-05:00

That's Donkey Kong teeth, for your information.

Last night there was a conflict of some sort outside my house. It was more inconvenient than scary. But apparently, someone was stabbed, to death. Funny I didn't hear about that until now.

Much more distressing were the various Gumby cartoons my friend and I just watched. Those things must have been made by...aliens or something. How can English-speaking people have such a poor grasp of...English? Who thought of these plots? Who thought an episode where Gumby and friends almost get robbed in an elevator but a trench coat-clad freak and his horrific hell dog was sane? Plus, they used the one thing my entire peer circle has despised for years...characters being revived by the tears of others! Gaaaaaaaah.

Just go look it up and view the horror.

The Book That Was Made of Failure

2008-08-13T11:22:00.003-05:00

http://www.cbc.ca/arts/books/story/2008/08/08/meyer-protest.html

Just...just everything.

[=

2008-08-08T21:21:00.003-05:00

Saw Pineapple Express. It was good. Like many of the recent good comedies, it's the little details that really add up. And the performances. And the utter outlandishness of it all.

Things I want to see, Part 1

2008-08-06T11:04:00.001-05:00

A newspaper or site open on Christmas that includes Jesus among the "Famous People Born This Day"

Hehehehehehe.

28u )

2008-08-01T11:46:00.003-05:00

Nine Inch Nails concert was good. They played nonstop, which is a refreshing change to having Rush apologize for not coming to Winnipeg for years. The light show wasn't as professional as Rush's huge video display, but it was very inventive and entertaining. I've only listened to the entirety of The Downward Spiral, so is was mostly songs from that I recognized, although there were a few others that I had been exposed to from unlikely places as well ("I'M USING THE CAT BRUSH!"). It was all well-performed and rocking throughout.

I wish I could be more enthusiastic.

Soul Calibur 4 is going well. It's not really all that different from previous games, as I found the armor breaking doesn't seem to affect the fight in general and those Critical Finishes barely show up unless you're playing against a moron. Online play has been fun, though. Yoda is also a fairly entertaining character, what with flying all over the place and sounding odd (I really hope that's Frank Oz providing the voice, even though most of the quotes seemed to be pulled directly from the movies).

u

2008-07-24T22:27:00.003-05:00

The title looks like Ziggy, a bit.

I ordered Jump Ultimate Stars from the Internet, so it should provide me my DS-related jollies for awhile now that my FFT game is close to completion.

You know, I often belittle many of the properties involved in JUS, and their fans. But in the setting of a Smash Bros.-esque fighter with customizable elements, I can overlook my distaste for all things Naruto. Plus, there's enough other stuff that I have literally no knowledge of or tolerate or maybe even like on a conceptual level (I don't read this shit) to make it worthwhile. Plus, I played the first one when the local rental place had it for inexplicable reasons and enjoyed it.

Speaking of manga, there's an Anime Convention in Winnipeg this weekend. If you happen to be an anime fan in Winnipeg, enjoy yourself. I'll be keeping a safe distance.

The same newspaper that had the supplement that told me of the conventions has also been running reviews of the Winnipeg Fringe Festival which I enjoy reading. I may go to a fringe some day. Sounds like a gas.

OoO

2008-07-20T20:23:00.004-05:00

I may have figured out Adobe Premier. It's so weird using a video editing program that isn't terrible.

So, I have seen no movies this summer. And chances are, unless I see them by myself or with people who wanted another go, I won't see the ones already released. Sigh. I guess there's still Stepbrothers and Pineapple Express.

The Winnipeg papers but sometimes be filled with silly things. The columnist, who is old, wrote an article talking about how Canada loses it's "nice guy" image because a member of The Barenaked Ladies was arrested on charges of possessing cocaine. I know the column had a joking tone, but it's still kinda dumb. I mean, someone with cocaine? That would be shocking - in the 50s.

The columnist has been kinda dumb before. He once went on a tangent about how awesome classical music is, and ends up comparing Fiddy Cent to BOB FUCKING DYLAN. His point would make more sense if his one of his main targets was actually considered anything other than shit.

Also, Winnipeg is so desperate for attention, they will literally claim every person, living or dead, real or fictional, is connected to them. A couple years ago, it was Homer Simpson. This week, it's James Bond, because the person who may have been the inspiration for Ian Fleming's books was an orphan in Winnipeg. DON'T YOU SEE, WINNIPEG DESERVES YOUR ADORATION AND TOURISM DOLLARS IGNORE THE SKEETERS THIS IS THE HOME OF BOND, JAMES BOND MUTHERFUCKER.

)0v(

2008-07-16T01:04:00.002-05:00

Well, the big game news show has generally been a bust. With the exception of the announcement that spawned a million tears and a million laughs, nothing of particular interest has been announced. This is mostly because the publishers figured it was a waste of money and only need a half-hearted showing for some cheap media buzz, and also because the guys actually making interesting games couldn't give a fuck at all. E3 may still live on for tradition, but it's become quite obvious that it's outlived it's purpose, and it's designation as Christmas Day for game nerds such as myself gone for good.

Oh, I guess it's still going. But I doubt anything will come out of those extra days.

&8^)

2008-07-14T14:13:00.002-05:00

Now, this could go in my other blog thing, but I think it would make more sense to put it here, as to make myself look like one of the big boy comic bloggers.

Today, I speak of comic book format and distribution, and what is good, and what I would like to use.

Now, as you may or may not know, I want to make some comic books. And while it's all well and good to think about the actual comics themselves and try desperately to find some point in the wreckage I call stories, I also must think about how this comic will actually be published. There are many options available to one for comic publishing in this age, but there are certainly better ideas than others.

Let us first peer at what these different formats are, and if I'm missing something, oh well:

*The Floppy - The normal comic book you see on shelves (mostly comic shops). Around 30 pages in length, these were once the premier format, but have since fallen out of prominence, mostly due to price (caused by upping paper quality, among others) and the fact that you just can't find most of them on shelves on non-specialty stores. Still, unlike others, I still think it has its place.

*The Magazine - A little bit all over the place, the magazine features several, usually full-sized stories in one book. This could mean a massive phonebook like that Shonen Jump hullabaloo the kids actually read these days, or it could something smaller, like some of the Marvel reprint books they put out now (and the old stuff like the Rampaging Hulk). Generally printed in black and white to offset costs, they are a good way to get people interested in a variety of books, as they may buy the mag for one and end up liking the others. Surprisingly less costly than the floppies, and popular all over the place.

*The British Magazine - Not that much different from the normal magazine format, but instead of full stories, you usually get 6-page strips. And it's usually weekly. 2000 AD is like this.

*The Digest Magazine - Pretty much the same as the magazine format as well, but much smaller. You know those little Archie books you see in the supermarket? Anyway, this format is one of the most largely distributed among all comics. At one point, DC did it with comics like Legion of Superheroes (in the 80s, when it was one of the most popular comics around), and Marvel sometimes does it now with stuff like Runaways. Basically, its good for reprint material or maybe making it easier to convince mainstream markets to sell it.

*The Online Comic - Now, here's the new age thing to do, and there's many ways to go about it. You could post the actual comic on a website, maybe a page a day or something, for free. You could offer a downloadable file or files. You could make it free, you could charge for it. Of course, everyone calls it the wave of the future of comics, and it probably is.

So, I have several choices to go through when pursuing a foolish career in comic books. However, it is to be said that I'd be an idiot not to stay ahead of the game and go online. Like I said, wave of the future and all that. The only problem comes in with distribution - will it be on the website itself, or be downloadable? Charge or no? The latter is easy: I will make more friends offering it for free and making money off of other things (like trades, because everything online or no, people still sometimes like physical product). Not that I plan on making comics to make money, or even make money. The former requires a bit more thought, but I think CBR files or something along those lines make more sense, as they offer more freedom to the reader (zooming in and out to actually SEE things), and don't require me to develop some sort of sophisticated flash program to do the same (and when I say I'd develop it, I mean, someone else would develop it). I know the future!

But, back to the physical stuff, it still has its place. I could easily use it as an entry level product - get people who don't know about the site to pick up a book at the store, and then visit the site. It could work!

The format I'd like to pursue is the magazine, just because it might be cheaper, and it allows people to see my vast array of terrible ideas at work. One or two full-length series along with some shorter stories works well enough. Hell, I could use it to help promote my fellow comic guys by printing their stories in there, too! I'm a nice guy. A nice guy who wants full control, but a nice guy nonetheless.

In general, most comics are either moving online (as slowly as possible, but they'll all get there eventually) or just straight-up graphic novels, which get to go to book stores. I still want to pursue serial comics, so online (with printed supplements) is the way for me!

What, you were expecting actual commentary on comics format? Gimme a break. Why would you come here for that?

B^(

2008-07-11T23:36:00.002-05:00

I have new albums by Beck and Sloan, yet in the three or four days I've owned them, I've only listened to them once. What...what's wrong with me?

Okay, now I have nothing to talk about. Greeeeeat.

&

2008-07-07T23:11:00.003-05:00

The one idea I wish I could have thought of? Living planets. Stuff like Ego (who has planet-sized beard!) and Mogo (He is a superhero who is also a planet). Really, I find that any large inanimate body gaining sentience is a really entertaining concept for fiction. Planets and other astral bodies (when my friend and I were fucking around with making an entire tabletop roleplaying game, he designed a bunch of monsters, including the Moon), but also things like streets (again, I love Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol for many a reason, this included), buildings, and trains (which is something I've been developing).

Now that FFTA2 is out, I thought that the only game I'm really looking forward to is Soul Calibur IV. "But wait!" I remembered, "Isn't there not one, but TWO Capcom fighting games coming out in the future?" And lo and behold, there were. I saw that Alex from Street Fighter III (possibly my favorite fighting game) was added to the cast of Tatsunoko vs. Capcom, which is indeed awesome because Alex is a fun character to play as. That game is actually shaping up nicely, and it looks like it has two on two gameplay (like, actual two and two, with everyone out), which is pretty awesome. Eeeeee I'm excited about videogames once more.

...oh yes, computer...

2008-07-04T23:59:00.002-05:00

I got Final Fantasy Tactics A2 last week. I've been playing it since. 22 hours so far. That's the power these strategy-RPGs have over me.

It's the same addiction as before. I love customizing my team, finding the right classes and making the right combination of abilities. Plus, it has more classes! And some of the changes make gaining abilities quicker. Some other stuff, like controlling land through auctions and being able to dispatch groups to more missions (meaning I get to skip some of the more annoying/boring missions), are good and help streamline the experience even more.

There are problems, too. Sprites haven't been updated much. Wireless trading is worthless. Having to unlock certain classes is limiting. New law system is in some ways less annoying than before, and in some ways even more annoying (and some of the laws are based on pure random occurrences). But it doesn't really matter to me, as they don't detract from the underlying gameplay that I do so love. Yes, I'm a fanboy too, sometimes.

O~O

2008-07-01T13:27:00.002-05:00

This weekend, I went to Moosomin, Saskatchewan. It's got one thing most small towns don't - a KFC/Pizza Hut. So, that's three KFC combinations I've seen in my lifetime. Maybe I will be able to complete the checklist:

[X] KFC/Taco Bell
[X] KFC/Pizza Hut
[ ] KFC/Long John Silver's
[X] KFC/A&W
[ ] KFC/Krispy Kreme
[ ] KFC/KFC
[ ] KFC/JC Penny
[ ] KFC/Radioshack (IT'S STILL RADIOSHACK TO ME)
[ ] KFC/GM
[ ] KFC/DC
[ ] KFC/AIM
[ ] KFC/Djibouti
[ ] KFC/Magitek
[ ] KFC/Dimension X
[ ] KFC/New Guardians
[ ] KFC/Sea Devils
[ ] KFC/CFK

My Promethean Past Haunts Me Still

2008-06-21T15:21:00.002-05:00

CRAZY INTERNET USING MY LIST WRONG AGAIN!

"Krystal remains the third most requested character that did not make it into the final roster (behind Geno and Ridley). No-one really knows why she wasn’t made a playable character, since less popular characters were selected over her."

It's quite obvious that this statement was based on my damned tally from all those years ago. It was based on the number of letters chosen by the developers (based on their tastes, not on who was most popular). We don't actually know who was requested the most or not (aside from Sonic.)

Grrrrr, two years later and the improper use of my one and only actual effect on the minds of others still lives.

And no, I don't think this post should have gone on the Smash Blawg. This is my personal bullshit, so it makes more sense to put it on my personal blog. Besides, I'd rather not waste a post there when I could not post a strategy for three weeks!

Oh Dear God No

2008-06-20T23:23:00.002-05:00

I like my longer posts. They are fun to read. Yes, fun to read for me.

The Youtube time wasting of importance lately? Watching SOME (but not all) of a number of animated movies and specials that the devoted have posted in all their glory. Well, it certainly better than whatever video diary entry or "scary montage" (as I've had my videos described as) one may think of making.

It all started last week, when for reasons I can't remember, I looked up Gollum on Wikipedia (I'm not a fan of Lord of the Rings, so don't look at me like that). While there, I was reminded that those holiday-loving folks at Rankin-Bass made an animated adaptation of The Hobbit in the 70s. I decided to tune in, and watched a select few parts of it, namely the Gollum section (obviously), and the ending.

It looks like a Rankin-Bass animated movie. You know what a Rankin-Bass animated thing looks like, so I won't go into details about that (and if you don't, well, I'm lazy and that's the actual reason I won't go into details about it). One thing that struck me was the way Bilbo was presented. I actually read about half of The Hobbit years ago, and Bilbo always struck me as a grumpy whiner, while this animated version seems more like a jokey fellow. Gollum more or less resembles what I pictured him in the pre-Peter Jackson days. I don't remember what it is that made me visualize him so reptilian. Maybe some of you uber dorks can help?

I have seen bits and pieces of Ralph Bakshi's Lord of the Rings (which technically follows this), and the rotoscoping is rather off-putting (but seems a bit more visually in-line with the definitive versions, even if Aragorn looks like a viking). I haven't decided to watch the Rankin-Bass follow-up to that. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I'm a rebel like that.

After that, I followed it up by looking for another full-length movie to watch. Unfortunately, the one I decided upon was Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue. I'm sure you must know of this one. It's been a part of my worthless psyche for years now. For the unwary, it's a special made in the late 80s/very early 90s where a bunch of cartoon characters popular forever or at that time specifically (how else can you explain the presence of ALF?) teaching generic teenage (it could be YOU!) that drugs are bad and have bad effects on you, while George C. Scott Mary Jane Smoke Monster eggs him onto harder stuff. It's all very Reagan-era (even though it was preceded by a message from Bush the First and his wife BARRRRRR HE DESTROYED MY MEMOIRS!) The most entertainment you can get out of it is hearing characters like Bugs Bunny, Winnie the Pooh, Huey, Duey, Luey, and Michelangelo of the TMNT talking about drugs...and George C. Scott doing the voice of a Mary Jane Smoke Monster in a business suit (alas, no "AARRRRRRRGH! MY GROIN!") See, I just made two Simpsons references in order to make this funny (X-E could write several paragraphs on it and still be funny, but I'm not that Matt).

One thing I DID find humorous about the whole enterprise is that, after trying to convince aforementioned teenager of the badness of drugs via upbeat, delightful song, it doesn't seem to work. So to get the point across more bluntly, the Toons decide to use a combination of shock imagery and a simulation of a very boring bad trip. That'll teach them kids not to be like Hendrix!

So, here, I'll subject you to the whole thing:

Well after that debacle, I decided to aim a bit higher. So where do I go? Chuck Jones, of course.

What Chuck Jones, you ask? An adaptation of Riki-Tiki-Tavi, a completely unrelated story in The Jungle Book by Rudyard "Isn't British Imperialism Awesome?" Kipling. It's a pretty well-known story, so I'm going to have to say "Fuck you" to everyone who doesn't understand what's going on.

It's a surprisingly 'dark' story, I guess. Well, dark in the way that the titular character just sort of slaughters villainous snakes left and right, and other elements. He also clearly goes insane when doing so, and it's animated appropriately. Chuck Jones, more so than even Rankin-Bass, has a style you can easily identify. I'm unfortunately not a true animation buff, so I can't really expand upon that any further.

Another thing: apparently, the songs of the bird are in the book, too. Because birds 'sing', obviously this very non-Indian sounding bird (who said that the animals need to sound like the people of the region, huh? They could just as easily sound like the white people occupying and enslaving the region!) singing about every event known to man. Oh, Kipling, why don't you get some Indian kids to go pick your cotton.

Oh it doesn't matter anymore

2008-06-17T01:11:00.000-05:00

http://wordle.net/gallery/This_is_what's_on_my_blog___

Kerchuckle

2008-06-16T23:48:00.002-05:00

I've been watching all the new episodes of The Venture Bros, thanks to my new friend, Bittorrent (we had some rocky encounters in the past, but now we are as close as close can be. Oh wait, maybe not close enough to touch. We're not like that) I love all the back story they've been able to cram in the past three episodes. None of them, to me, have been sidesplitting, but they make up for it by being interesting and wildly entertaining. I am itching to see what happens over the course of the rest of the season.

Even though I haven't been watching them (I'M NEW TO THE TORRENT THING, JERK!), I am also anticipating the finale of Doctor Who. I already know what's going to happen, as the Beeb decided to get the jump on the Brit papers this year and pretty much show us who's baaaaaaack. I'm intrigued to see what they do with it.

Torrents has also supplied me with Adobe Premier, which is better than Microsoft Movie Maker. So far, I know I can do things, but can't actually do them. It is better than Microsoft Movie Maker, where I know how to do things, but can't actually do them. There's a difference in there somewhere.

As you can also see, I added a bunch of links to my sidebar. Do you actually pay attention to the sidebar? I don't. That shit sucks ten dicks.

Oh yes, there is an update

2008-06-11T17:33:00.003-05:00

Prairiecon was good, as expected (if it didn't meet my expectations, I probably would have updated earlier with a rant). Toon was good, Wrasslin' was good, Munchkin was good, Illuminati was good, and Heroclix was good. I was worried I would end up sucking this year at clix like I did last year, but the three rounds I was in went pretty well. First guy annihilated me, I annihilated the second opponent, and the the third was an equal, epic better that ended with my Kid Flash and his Blue Beetle trading blows on a rooftop (he won in the end, but it was fun).

The only real prize I got during the weekend was a copy of Principia Discordia, which I got because I was the only one from the Illuminati group the guy running it could find. I shall attempt to tackle it one of these days.

Of course, the event has once again made me want to design a tabletop roleplaying game. This may last for another few months before subsiding, and who knows how much I will do before I get bored with the idea?

Yesterday I bought a cellphone. Not a fancy one, not at all. I probably won't even use text messages because they're charging me 20 cents for every one. Fuck that, I barely have anyone to talk to normally.

Hrm

2008-06-05T16:44:00.002-05:00

The day before the gaming convention. I guess I'm okay. I've been working a lot recently, and that's about it.

Cashier work is alright. I kind of miss the wild freedom of being a bagger (and it's there, dammit!), but I guess more hours is good and all. Plus, I get to interact, with people! That's good, isn't it?

Aside from that, my friend and I have been working extra hard on making our comic work and plan the thing out. It's been going good. But this sort of thing is for that Chamber of Dread thing I'm doing, isn't it?

I am saddened

2008-06-03T00:13:00.002-05:00

A rock 'n roll pioneer is gone.

Rest in peace, Bo Diddley.

Finally, something actually worth posting about

2008-05-28T23:47:00.002-05:00

I am happy to inform the world that I have been chosen to be News Editor of The Quill for the upcoming year. I was able to bullshit my way to the top, I guess.

I know this position will be a lot of work. I know I will need to bone up on my fact checking and interview skills, as well as learn how to fill space and meet deadlines. It will be another job, pretty much. But I must be willing to weather the difficulties to get to the delicious, caramel-covered benefits and fun. I mean, at the very least, my name and visage will appear biweekly for slack-jawed gawkers to ogle and berate.

It's going to be an interesting year.